Read Between The Lines
by An Ordinary Riceball
Summary: "Friends? This pain is the only 'friend' I need and can trust to always be there when I need it; it is my only true ally, Shinra, Shizu-chan. Say... do you know what the best thing about this kind of pain is? It lets me feel alive! It's the only thing I can truly control, so why are you trying to take that away from me?" Dark. Self-harm. Anxiety. Slow Shizaya, & some canon couples.
1. Chapter 1

_**Story: Read Between The Lines**_

 _ **Summary: "Friends? This pain is the only 'friend' I need and can trust to always be there when I need it; it is my only true ally, Shinra, Shizu-chan. Say... do you know what the best thing about this kind of pain is? It lets me feel alive, and it's the only thing I can truly control, so why are you trying to take that away from me?"**_

 _ **Warnings: Dark themes, Self-harm, Semi-contradicting thoughts and POVs, Anxiety and possibly triggering content. Some form of**_ _ **Shizaya, or maybe not...?**_

 _ **Please know I don't know when or how often I'll be writing or updating this, so don't get your hopes up that I'll finish this. Author's block really is horrible for me. I won't promise anything.**_

 _ **However, I will say that (if I do continue this.) I'm going to try to get Shizuo and Izaya to slowly try to get along, yeah? Shinra and Kadota and Celty may play a fair part as well...**_

 _ **Very likely, this will, once again, will be a fairly slow build.**_

* * *

Some people push away others because they don't want to get them hurt, yet when they do happen to make friends, it can potentially turn out multiple ways. Perhaps, it could either turn into a tragedy, or the best possible change for that person's life.

Some push others away, because maybe they just don't like people and never have. Usually in this case, depending on the scenario, it can lead to opening up an entirely new world for that person.

Others, then, may appear to remain emotionally detached from everything around them, but in reality they were just never taught how to, and don't know how to, personally connect to the events that take place, and will often tend to go about trying to 'feel something' in a relatively harmful way. As a result of this, they will often just be shunned by most of society.

Then last, but not least, there are also ones who are somewhat who are actually rather insecure, and-backslash-or have been judged before, or maybe just 'feared' being judged further, as well as self judged, and so to keep people out of their own 'business', they habitually shun people.

Orihara Izaya knew he fell under all of those, except for the second, to some degree. His love and infatuation for the human race had been and surely always would be unilateral. He was as content as he ever would be, however, because that's all there was to life for him.

These 'feelings' he had for his rival Heiwajima Shizuo were no different in that matter. Where he, himself, didn't _actually_ mind the prospect of spending practically every other day being chased and sharing hate or at least _something_ with him, despite what he _had_ said before, the latter had said he would straight up prefer never to see him again.

Not only that, but so many things about Shizuo just absolutely irked him. The fake blonde somehow had, over time, acquired 'bonds', despite the fact that he was obviously 'inhumane', much like himself. They were both just as 'horrible' as one another, as far as he was concerned, yet... his rival somehow was always still able to 'treasure' his close bonds with people, and even hold them 'close', but he, himself had never been able to allow himself to experience what it felt like to actually genuinely 'care' for such things and to cherish someone.

As a matter of fact, Kishitani Shinra was probably the only supposed 'friend' he had, but he had only ever bitterly chuckled at the way they even treated each other. Shinra probably hadn't once probably ever made him feel good about himself, either. While maybe the saying "What one doesn't know one doesn't miss" was true to some degree, he still couldn't help but wonder about it, and somehow still envy both of those two in different ways.

And with that said, and with those thoughts currently in his mind, when Shizuo had actually managed to catch Izaya one day of which luck was most assuredly not exactly 'on his side' at the very moment, he seemed to flinch in irritation at the brute's strong and painful grip.

He squirmed a bit, seemingly trying to pull away, despite how pointless it would have been as Shizuo had too tight of a grip on his arm to do so, and, by the look on Shizuo's face, Izaya could seem to tell that neither one of them had expected said ex-bartender to have actually succeeded in catching the underground information dealer.

 _"Seriously...? I actually managed to catch him?"_

 _No_...

"Tch..." However, Izaya was visibly growing impatient at the fact that Shizuo just stayed silent.

"Well now..." he finally let out a defeated chuckle, trying to hide the anticipation in his voice. "Shizu-chan. Heh, you caught me. Aren't you going to finish me off, already? I don't have all day, you know."

"Say, _flea_ , I bet you _let_ me catch you, _didn't_ you, _bastard_?" Shizuo then glared in spite at him, in obvious disbelief that this wasn't just another one of Izaya's sick twisted games.

He just _had_ to choose to use his brain _now_ , _didn't_ he...?

"Ha? I almost find it hard to believe you'd actually accuse me of letting you win, Shizu-chan~" Izaya smirked wryly.

Shizuo stayed silent, tightening his grip further.

"Ah... I must have underestimated you, though, because who could have expected that the monster of Ikebukuro could ever be so intuitive to something, after all? Anyway, even if I _did_ let you win, I don't especially see why it should matter to you, considering that you _do_ despise me and all. It would such be an easy defeat, after all, and you wouldn't have to deal with me, anymore. The thought of that should be wonderful to you, shouldn't it, monster? Tell me, Shizu-chan - why aren't you just finishing me off already? What are you waiting for, now? Come on, do it already, protozoan _monster_."

Did Izaya want to die or some emo shit like that? Or did he somehow just not want to lose his cool to this situation, instead opting for a sickened sense of indifference?

"Sorry, it doesn't work that way."

Izaya grew silent, raising an eyebrow in unforeseen frustration. Wait... Was... Shizuo _sparing_ him? What kind of a joke was this supposed to be? He didn't need _pity_ from that _beast-in-human-form_ , if _that's_ what this was.

 _Ha_. As if he'd even _dare_ himself to let Shizuo get the-

"See, even if it _is_ you, I ain't gonna kill someone who so terribly _wants_ and is obviously _begging_ me to kill them, got it, _fleabag_? So don't even try provoking me?"

Immediately, at hearing that, he was growing agitated and bitter when he saw the look in Shizuo's eyes as they met his. This _wasn't right_. Shizuo wasn't human by his standards at all, so he refused to let him act it, otherwise... he regrettably realized he'd just be 'left behind in a way' by his own annoying feelings. He would end up losing the only sense of control he'd ever had in the first place. He refused to risk going through whole 'Nakura' thing, or anything even remotely similar, again, even in the long run. He'd swore he would _never_ allow himself to feel that sense of 'helplessness', 'weakness', or even 'panic' again, because, honestly, he had felt pathetic and unable to think straight back then, and he had hated it.

Indeed, Orihara Izaya, the shrewd and cunning information dealer, who had always seemed to practically know everything about everyone else, didn't 'hate' a lot of things, to be frank, but the lack of being able to control how human and troubled he could, and did, feel about certain things gave him a sense of dread which he absolutely _loathed_ , with a passion, even. He absolutely refused to allow people to affect him in annoying ways that he _just couldn't allow them to_ , so he vowed to just simply control _them_ instead of them controlling _him_ , because, down deep, he knew how easy the human heart could be shattered, which was why, quite frankly, he had never really cared to get in the middle of people's supposed 'love lives'. Hell, he wasn't _that_ heartless or cruel.

He, himself, might as well just be his own worst enemy, yet own best friend as well, because he _did_ understand himself enough, down deep, to know that even though he seemed, and constantly acted, (even subconsciously trying to convince himself of it)just cold hearted and unempathetic, he was actually probably far _more vulnerable to those accursed feelings_ and his heart might even more easily breakable than most anybody else out there.

Maybe he was frustrated that he couldn't make up for his weak heart with his strong, where Shizuo was the exact opposite. He didn't quite know why that would frustrate him though. Maybe he was just making excuses was all...?

He hated yet feared the prospect of someone somehow managing to get close to him, despite the walls he'd always tried to put up around his heart. He could the thought of them so damn easily seeing that weakness inside of him(which, once again, he was always trying hide from himself and others) and end up hurting him with said weakness, or just plain pitting his own feelings against him as he had supposedly done to other people, before. To be honest, he would never really admit that he had done such things. He just sort of loved observing them in many different situations, and seeing them squirm as they finally realize that nobody in the world is or would ever be 'flawless', including themselves.

\- And he refused to let himself even take belief in the chance that it _wouldn't_ happen, because someone really _does_ _never_ _know_ , after all. Besides, he already had all the attachments he had needed with his humans. In fact, more than enough; so much so, that it made him sick from the excitement. Or at least he had tried to convince himself of that.

He hadn't never once felt like he actually cared or needed even one of them to love _him_ _before_ , but for a while now, the thought of losing himself all because of that once said _monster_ , Heiwajima Shizuo, had been irritating him out of no where as of late.

Why? _Ha_ , he couldn't even fathom 'why', so why bother trying? Or so he had thought. Maybe it was just because he couldn't let it go.

" _Hah_. Oh, Shizu-chan... You know, you're more annoying than I had thought you were. You know I'll never accept your pity-"

"I ain't pitying you, flea."

Izaya raised an eyebrow, knowing his logic was contradicting itself. "Ah? Why aren't you killing me, then? I'm curious; are you keeping me here just to mock me? That's rather amusing and smart if you ask me, but, just so you should know, I've faced and dealt all forms of mocking you could ever even _hope_ to think of so you're not going to-"

"I'm not twisted like you. I'm not mocking you-"

"So, then, if you aren't planning to kill me, why aren't you letting me go, may I ask?" Izaya stared intently at him, rather disturbed and his smile now fading. What was his rival even trying to accomplish?

He needed to know. He hated having no control like this, and that was obvious. Sure, he had had his arms and legs broken before in interrogation from the Yakuza, but, honestly, the possible prospect of being 'forced' into showing any kind of reaction to pain to _Shizuo_ somehow bugged him more than he realized it ever would.

"Because, I don't wanna. That's why. You always manage to piss me off by asking people too many damn questions."

Izaya frowned.

 _"What the hell is he doing?"_

He wanted to say something to the degree of, "Oh, but I'm just teaching them who they really are! Perhaps you and all of them should even be thanking me, ne, Shizu-chan?", just to mock him, but those words won't come out. Instead, he found himself saying something else entirely.

"I thought you said murdering me would've been fun, before, ne, Shizu-chan? Or are you too much of a beast to remember saying such things...? Surely you don't have Alzheimer's? You really are such a proto-" Izaya would almost say he was amused by this, but only in a sick sort of way, and was more agitated at him than anything else him, right now. He was really just saying anything in hopes to simply provoke the beast, but for once, much to his annoyance, it wasn't working. Had he misinterpreted Shizuo's intentions, he began to wonder, when he was suddenly cut off mid-word by said person.

"I may not be that smart, you know, but don't think I'm blind, in the damn slightest, you fleabag. I'm _not_ just going to kill you whenever you aren't even _trying_ to fight me. Wanna know why? For one, if I did so, it wouldn't be fair from my own part and, two, I would still lose to either way, wouldn't I?"

"Fair from your part? Hah, and what 'part' of your brute strength is even fair in the slightest, Shizu-chan? Last I knew, even being hit by a truck barely injured you."

"And how 'much' of that 'brute strength' deters you from still trying to piss me off?" Shizuo challenged, glaring back but rather unaffected by Izaya's comment.

Izaya grew silent, looking a way for a moment, before seeming to smirk. "... _Touche_. Shizu-chan, it's so fun to immediately be disliked and shunned by most everyone you meet in Ikebukuro and Shinjuku, isn't it~?"

"So I'm curious. What would _you_ call fair, _teme_? You obviously and immediately had something against me the very day you met me, or am I wrong?"

"Huh, says the one the who simply told me, 'you piss me off', the very second you laid eyes on me. Interesting you would even bring that up, _Shizu-chan_." Izaya scoffed, bitterly sneaking a glance at him from the side, before looking down at his free, but recently injured arm.

"Can it."

"Oh? So you admit i-"

"I said to can it."

"..." Izaya did not speak further at this point, not particularly wanting to dwell much further into this 'discussion' meant to be left undiscussed.

"You're really disappointing me, Shizu-cha-"

"So, flea, what're these rings you wear for? Got a wife or some shit like _that?"_

Izaya immediately tensed up. He had an annoying gut feeling about where this was going, and he didn't like it.

"I don't believe I've ever tried to force out information out of you before now, ne, Shizu-chan?"

"Were they some sort of a gift from you parents?"

 _"No_ , you brute. I'm actually not too fond of my parents, if you should know. If you will, please stop interrogating me, Shizu-chan. It's annoying."

"Oh? That's too bad."

Now, Izaya was immediately beyond himself in a detached sort of way, how ever that was even possible. Shizuo really thought he'd won, didn't he?

While he knew, as he was, he wouldn't stand a chance of beating him in a physical fight in the, he refused to just stand here and be humiliated by this beast.

"Next question. Why do you always wear long and sleeves, even when it's hot?" Shizuo met his eyes intently.

"Is Shizu-chan a stalker~? And anyways, they're just sleeves, Shizu-chan. Surely, you'd have something better to ask? Like who I like or something?"

 _"I'd probably just say I'm asexual, or something like that, if he did ask..."_

"...If that's so, then you won't have a problem with me if I take a look for myself, am I right?"

"I said they're just sleeves, didn't I? There's no need to be ridiculous." Izaya eyed him, hoping, down deep, that the brute, for once in his life, would take just his statement for what it was.

And, say that as he might, it didn't change the fact that he was 'desperately' protesting against Shizuo pulling up his sleeves and seeing his skin.

"If it what you insist, why do you seem to be so against me seeing your arms, _huh?"_ Shizuo smirked, obviously leaping for joy that he'd finally actually found a supposed weakness in him.

"Got somethin' to hide?"

"Of course not. I just don't want a monster to gaze upon my pure human skin, and form some improbable forbidden love for me." Izaya replied with dry sarcasm, still struggling to hold his jacket's sleeve down.

"You're shitting me. Bullshit." Shizuo finally, with a little more struggling than before, though he still hardly had to try at all, managed to pull Izaya's jacket sleeve back up.

When he seemed to realized that there really was nothing more that could have been seen, both parties fell silent. For a moment.

"See, I told you there was nothing, Shizu-chan. Tell me, are you finally satisfi-" Izaya started to say, but before he could finish, much to his dismay, he was once again cut of by Shizuo.

"Let me your other arm."

"Excuse me?"

"I said to give me your other arm."

 _"He really is sharp at times like this. Damn him. He really is a true monster. Doesn't he realize that this why I hate him so much...?!_ Ha. _"_

"You've already seen my other arm. Isn't that enough to know that there is obviously nothing there?"

"No. It's not." And before Izaya could do anything, his other arm had been grabbed and his jacket sleeve jerked back to reveal cut after cut after scar after burn mark which had marred his entire arm over time, from elbow to wrist.

"...Izaya, you dip-shit... You _cut_ yourself?" Shizuo almost couldn't believe what he was seeing. However, considering that this was the unstable trigger-happy nutcase known as Izaya, it all suddenly made sense in all annoying aspects.

Izaya grew agitated by Shizuo's demanding, yet nearly _stupefied_ tone.

"Why, _yes_ , Shizu-chan, I _do_." He stated as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, oddly letting out an chuckle at the brute's . "So are you gonna _laugh_ at me now, considering you _have_ just revealed one of the oh so many skeletons in my closet to practically the entire city of Ikebukuro? People are watching us, you should know, so _thank you_...!" Izaya jerked back, snatching his arm away from Shizuo, glaring, and pulling down his fur lined jacket sleeve.

Izaya turned around, and sped off, tuning out everything around him, and leaving the crowd there, hopeful that they would just turn to staring at that monster, instead.

Shizuo had immediately stiffened when he was sure he saw a look he'd never seen before flash in Izaya's eyes. Honestly, he didn't know what to think, and almost even began to feel guilty for doing that to him and revealing something like that to everyone around them. He may have hated Izaya's guts, but they were both still at least somewhat human, and he'd failed to see that before now. Neither one of them were completely _one hundred percent_ heartless.

"Damn that flea..." he cursed, before running off in the direction he remembered that Izaya had.

 _"Why the hell am I even following him..?! Actually, I always do... don't I?_ " He ran faster, making his way to find him. _"Damn that flea. If he doesn't like himself, in the end, why the hell does he act like that?!"_

He regrettably knew that he wouldn't be able to sit still in the slightest until he knew.

* * *

 _ **A/N:**_ _ **Does this seem like Shizaya? I most assuredly wasn't intending on it, but... Please do review, even though I'm not sure when I'll next update or if I ever even will.**_

 _ **I know I'm a horrible person if I don't, but I will try, yeah?**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Story: Read Between The Lines, Chapter 2  
**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!/DRRR!**_

* * *

Ever since he could remember, Heiwajima Shizuo had hated every single thing he could think of about Orihara Izaya, with a _passion!_ From his mocking smirk, to his auburn red eyes which had a look of evil intent written all in them, to his know-it-all arrogant attitude, to his choice in 'occupations', to his obvious screwed up hobbies, to even how he was always bouncing around Ikebukuro like a cat, and made _him_ look like a _dog_ chasing him around, and falling for stupid childish traps and how he constantly ended up 'sniffing him out'.

He hated how he could never live a peaceful life due to him, and how he could never concentrate or focus when he even _suspected_ that the "bastard flea" was somewhere around.

Beside of that, he was always sneaking and twisting his way around every damn question that was thrown his way like it was everything was some sort of jacked up 'game', even though it was pretty obvious that most things _were_. But what did he hate the _most_ about him, you might ask? Honestly, there were several things at the top of his head of which he couldn't even _slightly_ choose between because they completely annoyed him in equal measures.

For one, the guy could never be trusted, but that one was pretty much a given.

The second, was something obvious but more personal. He was usually an overall forgiving guy, but he was almost certain he would _never_ forgive that bastard _fleabag_ for all the problems and torment he'd caused him over these past however many years.

Three, he really _hated_ violence; he _despised_ it. He absolutely _loathed_ it, but that flea's presence, alone, had seemingly been enough to trigger him every time, anymore, let alone just hearing his name being said, because it reminded him of many things he wanted nothing more than to just forget about all together.

Again, he hated violence, yes, as he'd stated so many times before he'd quickly lost count. However, more importantly, the existence(or, at the very _least,_ _presence_ ) of the one, which was always more or less intentionally provoking him use what he hated and likely to simply spite that fact, just plain pissed him off more than _anything else_.

He had to admit, as he had found himself compelled to follow after said information dealer, that, perhaps, it _wasn't_ _Izaya_ he hated, after all, but, rather, the fact that he'd somehow wound up being the center target for most of the bastard's annoying-as-hell antics.

But as a sudden thought passed through his mind, he slowed down, and stopped, before the slight stomach turning realization dawned on him.

What _did_ he know about Izaya...?

He was a technically illegal information dealer.

He had two younger twin sisters, Kururi and Mairu.

He lived in Shinjuku.

His birthday was in early May, sometime.

He likely also had some ties with both the Dollars and those weird sword wielders, as well as the Awakusu-kai and some of the other Yakuza bastards out there.

Him and Shinra were supposedly friends since... junior high, was it...?

Just as he had hated Izaya, Izaya hated him with a passion, and was obviously far more fixated on their "rivalry" than even _he_ was, _himself_.

In other words, despite their supposed 'ties' with one another, he hardly knew much anything at all about his rival and enemy, Izaya, other than random basic information, and that much was _proven_ , especially after _that_...

Initially, he would have just blown it off as Izaya being the typical jackass he always was, if only he hadn't seen those many jagged horizontal, cuts, scars, burns, scratches, and, not to mention..., the many horrible words that had no doubt, over a period of at least ten or so years, been etched into the skin of his forearm. Most of the words had scarred, but still... who _does_ that kind of thing to themselves... _?_

Running a shaky hand through his fake blonde hair, he let out an exhausted sigh, deep in thought on what he actually needed to do right now.

"...Damn it. I'd probably only end up makin' shit a lot worse for him, if I went after that flea, right now... Not that I really care, but... _dammit_ , I'd still probably end up feel guilty if something actually _did_ end up happening to Izaya, as of right now..."

Unfortunately, he hated it, but to 'deal' with said person, he realized he'd have to find out _what_ he was even dealing with, anymore. Wrapping his sense of 'logic' around Izaya... purposely tearing his own skin to pieces, over and over again... it just didn't seem possible or like something Izaya would _ever_ do. He supposed he had always sort of seemed a tad bit masochistic, considering he had never once actually seemed afraid of him, per se, just a bit cautious cautious around him, and somehow even _amused_ by him. Despite his strength, and even after getting hit by all those vending machines so many times, that blood sucking _tick_ had always seemed to come back, as if asking for more. However, even so, he'd never once suspected him to actually have been the type to self harm. He was always too egotistic, and too proud to let himself give off those kind of vibes.

Then again, he, _himself_ wasn't all that damn smart about recognizing things like that, _was he?_ Plus, this was _Izaya_ , the walking mask of many different contradicting expressions. How the hell was _he_ suppose to have known or even _guessed_ that the guy had been doing that kind of thing to himself all that time?!

It was the fleabag's fault for not letting anyone in, and constantly being as dishonest as he was!

So why did he somehow feel... even _slightly_ _to blame_ for it...?!

Why the hell was he going out of his way to possibly find a way to 'help' _him_ , whom he always thought he had hated...?!

Moments passed, before he then realized why.

...They were both human _,_ in the end, _weren't_ they...?

Punching a nearby wall, he cursed allowed. _"Kuso_...! You flea bastard. I swear, you'd better be damn grateful 'cause I'm doing this for _you_ more than myself, 'cause, unlike _you_ , I know how to be honest with myself, at the very least! So, you bastard, with that said, I'm gonna help you help you whether you like it or not, even if it's the last this I do on this earth, damn it...!"

Suddenly, as a sick sense of euphoria came upon him, he smirked slightly at the thought of how amusing this situation as it was could end up being. However, at that point in time, he had no clue how bad Izaya's problems had gotten, nor did he know how difficult said task might actually prove to be.

On the other hand, he didn't like liars, nor did he ever want to become one. He had already sworn to himself that he would see this all the way through to the end no matter what. Sure, he _could_ go back on that word right _now_ and not a single person would know about it, but, once again, he refused to turn into that, especially... so early in this 'game' as Izaya might try to call it, even though it was most assuredly _not_ one.

Thinking back to his earlier thoughts, Shinra's and Izaya's friendship came back to mind.

"...I don't really know if they were that great of friends or not, but... Shinra would probably know more about him than anyone else... Even though I _could_ potentially ask Kururi or Mairu... _Actually_..., I think I'd I actually rather pass on asking them anything about that..."

No, he didn't particularly have anything against the twins, but, nonetheless, they weren't just _any_ siblings. They were the _Orihara_ siblings. More importantly, they were _Orihara_ _Izaya's twin_ _sisters_.

He most assuredly would admit to caring about them to some degree, but... he still wasn't able to say he could have ever fully 'trusted' them, for fear of Izaya's very likely-to-be bad influence on their development.

" _...Tch._ Guess I'll just go to Shinra's, then..." having finally cooled down, he let out a breath he didn't realize he had been holding back.

And with that thought it mind, he, turned around making his way to the apartment of his technical friend-since-elementary-school.

 _~ End of Chapter_

 ** _Translations:_**

 _ **Kuso: Damn(it?)...!**_

 _ **A/N: I know it's probably not much, but it is something... So what did you think? Gomen~ A lot has been going on, but hopefully, I'll be able to write some more soon for you all, ne?**_

 _ **Domou arigatou~ =w=**_

 _ **Jaa matane~!**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Story: Read Between The Lines, Chapter 3**_  
 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!/DRRR!**_

* * *

 _"He may seem cold blooded, but he's more human and his heart more brittle than anyone else, so much so that if you filled it with human love or betrayal it would break easily, which is why, I think, he chose from the start to avoid it all, to love humanity, you understand? Not to accept, not to face it, to avoid it."  
_

* * *

 _Knock. Knock._

"Celty, Okai-" the illegal doctor chirped in excitement, running to and opening the door. However, his immediate lack of interest was most assuredly expressed when Shinra saw it was 'only' Shizuo.

"Ah. Shizuo-kun...? Sorry, I'm busy, right now," he told him, giving the same 'smile' he always did to people like Shizuo and Izaya, before he rudely moved to close the door. "so I'll talk to you late-"

Shizuo seemed to grow irritated by this, and caught it before he could succeed.

"Bullshit, you're not doing anything at all, are you? And so what if you _were_? Hah. I'm a pretty busy man, too, _myself_. Anyway, there's something I needed to talk to you about about that bastard."

It was obvious what 'bastard' he was referring to.

"...So, what did Izaya do _this_ time...?" Shinra met his gaze, and now seemed subtly interested in what he had to say. When was the last time Shizuo had actually came to _him_ to _ask_ _anything_ about _Izaya_? Usually, he would just go out to try to kill him, so it was a little funny to their 'mutual friend' to say the least.

"Well, can you let me in, first? I'd actually rather not talk about him out in the open..." Shizuo asked in slight annoyance by his attitude.

After a moment, Shinra threw up his hands, sighing. "Fine... Come on in..."

He moved back, allowing Shizuo the space and time to step in the apartment before closing the door.

"Thanks," Shizuo muttered, then making his way over to the sofa, throwing himself back on the cushions.

"So, if I may ask, what is it you wanted you to know about Orihara-kun, Shizuo-kun? Normally, you don't ask me or anybody about people like him, so I _am_ a little curious, to say the least."

"...You were suppose to have been friends with that bastard flea since... junior high, right? I kinda was curious what he was like back then, I guess...?"

"Back in Raijin, huh...?" Shinra seemed to paused, contemplating his answer, but wasn't in particular taken aback by his friend's question.

Shizuo looked at him, anticipating with curiosity what he was gonna say.

"Up until I had actually went out of my way to talk to him, he was obviously always doing things by himself, and I don't think he really ever had anyone to just be himself with. Unless directly spoken to, he would have probably just avoided any mutual social interaction all together. In other words, he was really quiet for the most part and stayed to himself the majority of the time that even _I_ was with him. Sure, you _could_ say he participated in things, and even almost _everything_ , but... it was like he was instead a part of it _without_ _being_ a part of it. He never once directly involved himself in the lives of the people of the people around them. He seemed to stay there simply to observe them, but his interest in humans had obviously became an obsession over time, I guess... He was always really rather odd compared to most people, and I was likely one of the only people who he'd even opened up to a _bit_ , without even realizing it. Haha, am I even making any sense?"

"Yeah, whatever," Shizuo didn't wanna bother thinking much into all that. He'd just have to figure it all out later, if need be. "it's fine. So, anyway, how could you two have even _possibly_ became friends of _sorts_? I could never _once_ seem to get along with that little _shit-stain_ , _myself_..."

"It's kind of hard to explain, but, back then, Celty had wanted me to make friends, so I sooner or later managed to convince Orihara-kun to form a biology club with me. We weren't really doing much, but any assignments that our teachers suggested to do for representation for it, Izaya asked to take the majority of the responsibility and do it all himself. Sometime later, I realized that he was using our club room for gambling purposes as well. For _my honey_ , _Celty, of course_ , I naturally tried to get him to stop, but he was annoyed by my motivations for doing so, and refused. Oh, one day, there was this student, that came in our club room as well, insisting Izaya give back the money he had supposedly stolen from his parents and gambled off..." he continued to tell Shizuo about the "Nakura incident" and how he had gotten stabbed, stepping in between Izaya and the boy, and, once again, how his motives were, in the long run, to receive recognition from Celty. Shizuo honestly found it all too odd, being Izaya, and didn't really know what to think, specifically of the person he'd called a measly 'pest' over and over again before, after that.

"Come to think of it, that's the only time I think I can _ever_ recall _Izaya_ actually seeming really anxious about like that. I think he took the blame because he did sort of felt guilty in his _own_ way for me getting stabbed even if it _was my choice_. Either way, I do know he's never once liked not being in control of nor miscalculating a situation. Perhaps he felt helpless back then and never wanted to feel that way again, or something like that. Who knows...? I may be pretty good at reading Izaya at times, but even _I_ can't read him thought for thought." Shinra said smoothly, his expression only _slightly_ grim.

Shizuo couldn't help but feel uneasy to see this rather disturbing and unsettling side of Shinra that he sure he had never once _really_ seen, or at least noticed to this extent, before. There was just something completely unsettling and revolting about this entire situation though, to be honest with himself.

How could he say all of that stuff _so easily_ as if it hardly even _phased_ him. And how the hell did he seem to know Izaya _that damn well...?!_

 _"_ I _may not know him_ that _well, but I do know that there's no way_ Izaya _would actually_ "let him in" _on_ anything _like he said. Is he reading people's_ minds _or some shit like that...?!"_

Sickened by it all, and the many questions that were forming, he couldn't help but wonder.

Then again, he'd never really been all that fond of _Shinra_ , to begin with...

 _Ah._

 _~End of Chapter Three, Part 1_

* * *

 ** _A/N: Like? No like? Sorry it's not much, but I haven't had much time. I've stayed up all night, so I'm too tired to write anymore right now, but here's this. :3_ **

**_Replies-_**

 ** _lulu (Guest) - I can too. Even since the beginning, I've_ always _seen Izaya as a masochist, no matter_ how _you put it._**

 ** _Guest (Guest) - Of course~ =w=_**

 _ **reedleonn - And I look forward to writing on this. Thank you~! =w=**_  
 ** _Rin - I'm glad you like it~! I hope I'll be able to finish this chapter soon, ne~? ^w^  
_**


	4. Chapter 3 (Part 2)

_**Story: Read Between The Lines, Chapter 3 (Part 2)**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!**_

* * *

"No charges were pressed back then, but, ever since that happened, that wall Izaya kept between him and everyone else seems to have gotten even thicker than before. It's one that, I believe, has become so strong and convincing that even he, himself, believes it. In other words, he's always putting it up to keep himself detached, yet, unknowingly, he's been shunned by both himself and practically everyone around him... Believe it or not, though, it's likely he originally had put it up, never wanting to feel that sense of helplessness again. However, despite my intentions to get you two to become 'friends' in Raira, you immediately didn't like him, and as such, for all I surely know, you may have simply re-opened some terrible and personal wounds from Izaya's past."

"You didn't have to tell me _all_ of _that_ , you know, but thanks, I guess." Heiwajima Shizuo had turned away from the doctor, whom he was now sure was insane, known as "Kishitani Shinra". For one, he was still desperately trying to wrap his head around all of this, and, two, Shinra had started rambling on his love for his "honey", Celty, and was acting far too giddy and lovely dovey for his exact comfort level. Then again, _this was Shinra_ , a dissection loving freak, and, _then again_ , he didn't take to talk and taunts of love all that well, anyway...

"Um, sure, I guess, but why did you wanna know about Izaya, Shizuo-kun? I thought you hated him." Shinra asked, genuinely curious.

"Yeah, I thought I did, but after some recent realizations, I'm actually starting to reconsider it a little bit. Don't get me wrong, though. I still pretty much hate him, but not with a passion like I did before this..." Shizuo tried to explain, but was sure this was coming out as something else.

"Ah... I see. Well-"

"It's not like that...! I-" Shizuo insisted, knowing what he was likely considering. "I just... How should I put it...?" Why were feelings so damn complex and frustrating at times?

"You've realized Izaya is just as human as you are, yeah?" Shinra read his thoughts, offering a sincere smile to him for once.

"Yeah yeah... something like that. Only problem is to convince that bastard the same thing... Anyway, thanks, Shinra. I'll see you later." He smirked, and waved slightly, before getting up.

"Yeah, alright- Celty~! You're home~! I've missed you so much~!" Right as Shizuo was exiting the door, Celty was entering it, so it naturally slightly startled Shizuo when he saw her standing there, but he honestly couldn't care less to stick around to see Shinra fantisising and flirting anymore than what he already had with Celty. By now, it was nearly seven, and the evening fall chill had already set in. He then yawned, looking around at the dimmed surroundings.

 _"About Izaya... Where am I gonna find him...? Agh, he could be anywhere... Still... where are the places in Ikebukuro I know he goes to behind my back? Russia Sushi... Shinju... wait that's not Ikebukuro... Man, shit, I really don't know anything about that flea at all, do I...?"_

"Damn it..."

* * *

 _ **A/N: I know it's not much, but at least it's something? Please forgive me. Depression, anxiety, authors block, school, and many other things are weighing me down in life right now. Sorry... T^T**_

 _ **Replies to reviews -**_

 _ **lulu: There**_ **will** _ **be more of that later, I promise((hint hint forshadowing cough cough)). Creepy Shinra is awesome! But, not too creepy at times. *Shivers***_

 _ **I wasn't exactly saying that about it in that prospect, but self-harm**_ **is** _ **referred to as masochism, at times, sooo... I was saying Izaya is a masochist in terms of nearly everything; lifestyle (he even said he was "able to keep his info broker job" because/even though it was so fun it made him want to puke! T^T), personality, relationships, "bonds", and even his ties with the Yakuza. Not to mention how he ALLOWED himself to be captured by Amphisbaena(don't judge me if that's not the correct spelling, ne? ._.), just to "see" how they would torture him... And I can see him self-harming in canon, myself, as well. So I'm glad to know I'm not alone~! 3**_


	5. Chapter 4

_**Story: Read Between The Lines, Chapter 4**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!/DRRR!.**_

 _ **My lawd, this chaper wuz so hard 2 write. ._. (No, literally, it was; I didn't even know where to begin T^T)**_

 _ **For anybody who hasn't read the light novels, Izaya's maternal grandparents did both pass away, by the way. And his paternal grandparents are Torakichi and Natsu.. all that I think is known about them are their names.**_

* * *

Izaya had always been seen as, at very least, a little 'odd' by practically anybody who had came into contact with him. Even back in elementary school, most people who noticed him, teachers included, referred to him as a bit of an 'alien', but an okay guy. He would often stay to himself, unless called on by other students, and, if given the opportunity to simply watch a movie or to watch the audience as _they_ watched the movie, he would have definifitely chosen the latter over the former. That was just the kind of person he was.

He didn't quite know why he had always been so obsessed with human observations, but, for sure, both his fear of the afterlife and his atheism were partially to blame.

Perhaps it was also because he had never had much, or _enough_ , exposure to socialization at the place he was suppose to be able to call his home, all those years ago, after having started school, being around people and being able to observe the many lives around him seemed to genuinely make him 'happy' until the end of the day.

He still remembered the first time he had been exposed to much of the outside when he was around about four or five years of age. Back then, watching people his own age playing kickball or just playing ring-around-the-rosey-ashes-ashes-we-all-fall-down fascinated him. He, himself, had never once actually cared to participate in these, things, nor to play on the playgrounds, but it was others, it absolutely excited him and gave him a sense of high he just couldn't explain.

Then he got a little older and, instead of the playground, it was skating or playing video games on hand-held electronic game consoles. However, sometime later, he began to search for more. He felt he had to find out more about humanity, had also began to take even more of an interest in hearing things about things like bullying and watching different people reacting to various situations. He had nothing against anybody, but was just genuinely curious.

Without necessarily even _playing_ a true part in many activities, he still somehow felt like he _was_ a part of them by instead just observing it from a slight distance. Back in _Raijin Shougakkou_ , he'd managed to earn the position of a model student, as well as the title of 'vice president' of the student council. Hell, he also won a lot of poetry awards and independant research awards and things of the sort. It wasn't as though it was hard for him, but it wasn't easy, either, and he wouldn't say he had particularly enjoyed the process of getting where he, more or less, wanted to be. In fact, even though he had became a relatively 'popular' student, he still only 'cared' about human observation and possibly even _their_ (his parents') reaction to his status.

In all honestly, he couldn't find his accomplishments as being anything that big, and he most assuredly didn't at all feel superior to those around him or anything. He was just humored by their many compliments, even if he didn't or _couldn't_ let himself take them to heart.

Up until middle school, observing from a distance as people went on about things in their daily lives was fulfilling for him, and it was all he cared and felt he needed to experience in life, but people kept doing the same things, and, sooner or later, he couldn't seem to find them nearly as interesting anymore, and he was suddenly bored of them, anxious, and feeling lost as he realized that all of these beings called humans were the same down deep, and they suddenly weren't as interesting anymore. And for some reason he was being found by his own loneliness.

Then, in _Raijin Chugaku_ he met Shinra, the human who lived above all other humans and couldn't possibly have been any less interested in them, whatsoever; the first person who had been so persistent in aquainting with him to peak his own interest enough to want to look away from all other humans for a while.

Even though his love for humanity was becoming an obsession, he hadn't been that influenced by it, or enough to actually seriously 'test' people's humanity, yet.

Anxiety and other rather 'frustrating' feelings, as well as certain 'habits', had kicked in sooner or later.

And _some_ of it had sort of started with a pair of scissors.

Back in elementary school, both of his maternal grandparents had finally passed away, leaving only his mother, father, sisters with him, and paternal grandparents(who were always, in some way or another, kissing up to his parents and vice versa), regarding intimate family, considering that his oh so 'beloved' uncle was also gone. He had never been all that close to them, but, to be honest, even though they weren't there for him all that much, they were still around more than anybody leftwas, so, to say the least, it definitely had, at the least, a _bit_ of an impact on him when even _they_ were suddenly gone.

He'd been swinging around a pair of scissors, and ended gashing himself with it in the arm by accident. Back then, while it really hurt, he hadn't thought much of it, just cursed himself and dismissed any weird thoughts immediately, deciding to focus on stopping the bleeding like any other normal kid would.

However, the next year, he was in junior high, and the incident occured. Shortly after what had happened with Nakura and Shinra, he wasn't particularly thinking straight, and was, yet again, spaced out, playing with a random, but sharp, pair of scissors, swinging it around in the air. That's when it happened - the scissors had slipped, and the same arm as before ended up gashed open in the process. It hurt like hell, yes, particularly because he hadn't expected it. Then, as he was cleaning his arm, it struck him, just like that.

\- Somehow or another, the worries he was previously thinking on had went away, or at least he wasn't really focused on them anymore. The previous anxiety was no longer as troublesome, and he could actually cogitate clearly to some degree.

That wasn't actually where it had started, but that was, more or less, the push he'd somehow needed. There had always been a _simple_ and fairly nondestructive habit to somewhat technically, in a sense, deal with his stresses long before even then. Not that people had probably ever noticed it or would want to accept it, but, whenever he was both 'under stress' as well as really anxious or even just relatively excited, he tended to 'need' to move his hands around a lot while he talked.

But then, thanks to one accident, he had quickly grown fasinated by the color of his own blood. And, in someways, he might even say he loved it even more than his own humans' crimson, because as it trailed down his arm, it always captivated him, and there was no doubt it would always be there. It let him feel in control of something, and it gave him a high just like some of his humans were still able to.

With this pain he enjoyed creating, he could temporarily forget anything he didn't want to feel beforehand, and, even though it was pain, what was better was that, at the least, he was the one the one creating. In fact, one in his head, might even say that it was fun because of that.

Then there was the fact, while it would definitely sound insane and completely irrelevent and illogical to anybody but himself, then whenever he was trying to focus on his humans, he didn't want any unnecessary 'distractions' holding him back, which included himself, no exceptions. After all, that was both his self proclaimed duty and life's career especially since what had happened with Shinra - human observation.

Ah. To him and probably him, alone, it had a nice ring, but also a revolting one. It was revolting to him likely because it _had_ become such an obsession and he knew that but had long sense decided that he was just fine with all that, as long as he had his 'sense of control'.

As apposed to back _then_ , where he had _no_ control, he had always had every form of control possible -

Until _he_ showed up.

As soon as he had met Heiwajima Shizuo, he knew there was something different about him. Right off the bat, he'd seemed to be seeing right through him, going so far as to say, "you piss me off", and even tried to hit him.

Despite the walls he'd put up around his heart, Shizuo's presence and the idea that _someone_ could potentially make his heart feel anything, and even had the ability to see straight through so many of his masks without even trying genuinely scared him. No other human had been able to do that, other than Shinra, though that guy was a completely different case all together. He had conveniently labeled Shizuo as monster to push him away.

They were the exact opposite of each other in many ways. Whether it might make sense or not, the thought of allowing himself to be influenced by someone else, period both sickened him and terrified him all the same.

If anyone was to control anyone, it would _him_ controling _them_ because it only felt right.

He was not only afraid of the possiblilty of a repeat of what had happened before, regarding what had led up to Shinra getting stabbed, but, after much observation of him, he realized, sooner or later, that he was actually jealous for _and of_ Shizuo.

While he usually didn't mind being ignored, there was just something about Shizuo doing it to him that, in a sense, actually hurt his pride, and he just refused to just leave it be. To prevent either one of them from getting even remotely close to the other, it only felt right to have reasons _not_ to. One of those being the many times he had framed him for both petty and horrible crimes alike.

He made himself hate him, and assuredly vice-versa, because, down deep, he was afraid to let himself love the fake blond man as a just another random human out of billions. He was afraid because Shizuo was much stronger than he, himself, was, and even others', were. He had been genuinely worried about what would happen if Shizuo ever happened to try to get close to him, after all, and had decided to let himself trust him. It was obvious to himself how he would feel if even Shizuo had pushed him away. He was fully aware that if even _he_ couldn't accept the person he was, _nobody_ could, _including himself. "Not that I care to, anyway, but still... Ah."_

Where as that brute had a weak mind, but strong heart, he, _himself_ , had a strong mind but weak _heart_ , and he had automatically recognized that sole comparison in both Shizuo and himself when they had first even met. And so, to protect his own said 'heart' or what there even was of one, he'd decided he would have to seal it away, as well as having to forcefully push Shizuo away more than he ever had anyone else and even pit him against him.

Call him hypocritical, but he was absolutely sure that even _he_ would flat out reject his companionship if he really got to know him, so why bother giving it a chance or try to allow himself to trust him?

Beside of that, even if he did, and he ever happened to grow attached to Shizuo, what would he do if he died? Farfetched thought, sure, but stuff like that happens every single day, and always tend to happen when you insist it won't. So how the hell would he be able to handle something like that?

After all, he had said it before; he only cared to play games of that which he _didn't_ know the outcome of, right?

He _did_ know, however, that he was actually jealous of both Shizuo's heart and ignorance. He had originally thought that being around people and their emotions was all he had needed to fill his void. _Now_ , he wasn't really all that sure, anymore. Either way, as mentioned before, he knew how humans worked. He, however, excluded himself, because he knew that he was by far weaker than any other human that he had ever 'messed with', and he refused to call Shizuo human, also, because _he_ , on the other hand, was _stronger_ than any other human, and he envied him for that he though he never would like to admit it.

While he _had_ originally wanted to make one another only hate each other, it had, some time later, just like with human observation became an actual 'hate obsession', so to speak.

It wasn't as though he particularly 'liked' the idea of it either, but, as long as it wasn't _a human_ influencing him, anymore, and it was instead just himself doing so, he was fine.

And, for years, most of it _was_ all fine, until _now_.

For the second time in his life, Shizuo had gotten the absolute better of him, and he didn't know what to think.

He was scared.

He wasn't in control anymore.

He couldn't think straight, _again_.

Nothing felt right.

Everything was _wrong_.

 _Everything_ was...

Why did Shizuo and everyone else have to see his weak side like that?

"Ah. _Totemo itai desu ne...?_ "

What were 'his' many humans even thinking, _now?_

Some had, no doubt, likely already forgot about it by now, and some others were probably completely indifferent and didn't care one way or the other. Then a minority could possibly even pity him, for whatever reason. The only other ones... might be laughing or now just thought he was a stupid person.

He couldn't help but wonder who all was even in the crowd, or _could_ have been.

Ryuugamine Mikado? The parasite Saika wielder, Anri? Maybe Masaomi or Saki? Possibly Kadota and his gang? What about Celty? That would be a laugh.

He felt sick to his stomach and nauseated even thinking about it all.

Sitting in some random public bathroom, he contemplated his switchblade, as he realized this would be first time he'd ever had to 'relieve his stress' anywhere other than in the confort of his own home or even office. But, before he could even bring himself to make the first cut, it dawned on him; why was he still letting these people effect him? He wasn't suppose to care what they thought about him, much less his body. No, he _didn't_ care at all.

He could _never_ allow himself to care.

Okay, maybe he _did_ care to some degree, but he wouldn't allow it to show, especially not to _Shizuo_ of all people.

So he just decided to return to Shinjuku, in _spite_ of him.

However, as soon as he entered the office-backslash apartment door, he was rather 'kindly' greeted by a certain rather bitchy secretary.

"Where the hell have you been?!" she demanded, hands on hips and everything.

"Ah, it's nice to see you, too, Namie-san." He said, smiling at her exhausted expression, which told him that she had very likely, albeit reluctantly, finished filing the friendly stack of paperwork he'd left for her, as he walked past her.

"I was just taking a simple stroll in Ikebukuro, if you must know."

"Hah. That was a mighty long stroll, if you ask me. I bet you went to piss that Heiwajima man off again, didn't you?" She scoffed, in a disgusted sort of amusement.

He was bit amused, but not surprised, that she had guessed even that much.

"What can you expect, my dear Namie? It's equally returned. He pisses me off just as much as I do him,... if not more..." he whispered the last part, not particularly caring if she had heard him or not. In fact, one could have even said it was a statement aimed at himself.

"By the way-"

"Woah, Izaya, what happened to your hand and wrist? It looks swollen."

"Ah? This? It's nothing important, Namie-san. Shizu-chan is a monster, is all. By the way, if you've finished filing that paperwork I had left for you, you're free to go for the day if you'd like, ne?"

"Right. How can you always wear that jacket, anyway? It's blazing hot in here, so how can you even stand that?" She remarked taking brief note of his fur-lined jacket.

"What are you talking about? I like my jacket, as I'm fully used to wearing it. Also, for your information, I'm not 'always' wearing it, Namie. Is that by chance all you wanted to know?" He looked at her with intense eyes, but his wry smile remained.

"Yeah," she smiled in obvious satisfaction of something. "I think it is."

After she then left, he looked where he had walked out. "Well, now, could she be on to me? No way, but that's why that woman is even unnerving to _me_ , sometimes. That's really why she's so amusing, though... hah."

 _"I am pretty sure, though, that those feelings are completely reciprocated, aren't they...?"_

He got up, and then locked the office door behind her, and headed back to his desk. Taking off his fur-lined jacket, he threw it over his chair.

If Shizuo came, he decided, so be it. Honestly, he was too tired to even care right now. And the reason he couldn't care and wasn't worried was most assuredly because he knew that Shizuo _wouldn't possibly_ think to do something as ridiculously out of character as that for someone like himself.

Taking one of his many switchblades from his coat pocket, he made his way to retrieve some other clothes, and headed to the bathroom.

Which word would he write on his arm this time?

"I think... I'll actually do two this time; both 'vexatious' and 'self-sufficient',... It sounds perfect."

* * *

~ End of Chapter

 _ **A/N: What do you think? I'm not to proud of this chapter, but I don't why. 'Totemo itai desu ne' is like saying 'it's very painful, huh?', by the way.**_

 _ **So, by the end of this chapter, you can kind of assume that Izaya's self-harm has became both a bad reaction and an outlit to subconsciously deal with his built up stress and anxieties, as well as a simply hobby when he 'just feels like it'. However each word he 'writes' on himself, he writes based on his own mindset and view onl himself.**_

 _ **PS: Thank you so much for the follows and the favs. I haven't written anything remotely**_ **Shizaya** _ **before, nor have I written much BL(or pairings in general) stories, so I hope you all will give me a chance.**_

 _ **Mata arigatou ne~!**_

 _ **Reviews to Replies-**_

 _ **Inlovewithshizaya: Yeah, maybe Shinra is completely weird like that? Maybe it's both...? But that's why we love him, ne? =w=**_

 _ **XD And Thanks. I think I'm feeling a little better now. :3**_

 _ **PSS: Three good Shizaya fanfictions I've read -**_

 _ **Edge by Novoux**_

 _ **Love Blind Eyes by thirteen-forty-two**_

 _ **Promises by Rushi-sama**_

 _ **You ought to check them out if you haven't. Who knows? You might like them.**_


	6. Chapter 5

_**Story: Read Between The Lines, Chapter 5.**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!/DRRR!**_

 _ **ThIs chApTer WaS sO HaRD to WrIte AgAIn! I feel like it's completely out of charatcers, but I Don't know how to fix it! ;-;**_

 _ **By the way, things may not seem right, and Shiki may seem weird, and this whole idea with Shiki may seem weird and unrealistic, but I have reasons! And plans, too~! I promise!**_

 _ **Note to lulu, and anyone who was wondering about it-**_

 _ **I usually put these kinds of translations at the end of the chapter, but I don't know why I didn't on the last one. "Totemo itai" actually has no direct english translation as a complete sentence, but, rather, it's an expression that's pretty much saying, "very painful."**_

 _ **Then I changed it to, "Totemo itai desu ne..." which is similar to saying "It's very painful, huh...",**_

 _ **Where as 'itai' can just mean 'ouch', or literally 'painful'. but 'ne' makes it like someone is, more or less, musing a slight question, or, at the least, it isn't a definite phrase. In a sense, it's asking for confirmation or an agreement. In other words he was asking to agree with himself. That sounded really simple, but it's not. "..., ne."**_ **can** **also** _ **mean "..., then.", for instance. Hope that explained something?**_

 _ **...**_

 _ **Translations to look out for in this chapter:**_

 _ **Kowai na! (NOT 'kawaii') - a single expression which can say, "How terrible!" Or "So scary!", "Scary!(for just 'kowai')**_

 _ **Ojou- Miss (Ms., Not Mrs.)**_

* * *

Izaya sighed in a bit of pain, cursing, as he decidedly made his way into the office area of his house. Izaya was pretty certain that Shizuo had fractured his wrist when he had grabbed him like he had, as it was honestly hurting like hell as of late... He had just grown so used to biting back and masking his own pain that acting like it didn't bother him, at least some, was practically second nature to him. However, in reality, an indescribable, and yet excruciating, pain of which he had felt before had consumed his wrist, practically burning up his entire arm up.

Sure, he _had_ 'earned' broken bones before in interrogations from the Yakuza, like broken ribs, broken fingers, and also even broken noses, but those he had, in the end, calculated for. However, this situation was a different case, altogether, because he hadn't calculated for this.

He knew he might have to go to have to go over to Shinra's place to get his arm looked at. While he was fine with the fact that it really did hurt like hell, he knew he needed his arm to work to do his job properly... and wouldn't be able to fully focus on it otherwise.

" _Sigh_... this is one reason I really do hate your guts..., Shizu-chan... _It-t-tai_... Damn." He cursed in pain, laughing sadly at the same time because, while it hurt terribly, it somehow made him laugh as well. How ironic was it that it was actually kind of tickling?

He had decided, however, that he didn't currently want to deal with Shinra and would just have to force himself to get by, despite the nuisance, and simply try to adapt to it like he always did. However, how easy that would be, he didn't know, especially not with Namie, a head of a pharmaceutical company of all things, at his back like this all day. On the other hand, quite honestly, that was what made these scary people so interesting to him.

"Izaya, what did Shizuo even do to you? Have you-?"

"Ah-?"

She had suddenly reached out to pick up his hand. It had been two days since he had came back from Ikebukuro with his hand swollen, and she was already asking him annoying questions even though he had already hinted at the fact that he wanted her to just drop it.

His gaze briefly intensified, but she wasn't even paying attention to that anymore, so it went unnoticed, much to his disdain yet gratitude to the unforeseen. If she had, she obviously would not have let it go nearly as fast.

However, whether she let it go or not was not the issue, because she wasn't even talking about his swollen wrist. She had seen _them_ \- the cuts.

For a moment, she was quiet. Then she tighened her grip.

"What are these?" She inquired. She may have been a woman, but she certainly did have a damn strong grasp on him.

He flinched, smirking. "Hm? Namie, you're actually asking me that? I would've thought you'd know something like that, considering you were pretty much the head of a pharmaceuticals company, and all. Anyway, what do you _think_ they are? They're-"

"You _know_ what I mean, Izaya, so stop darting around answers and questions." Namie cut him off with a glare. "Why are you doing something like this to yourself?"

"Hm? Why _shouldn't_ I?" His smile had somewhat disappeared, and was replaced with a bit of a crazed look, as he returned her instense glare in equal measures. "If you must know, I've just been opening experimenting with own my body, is all, and testing my own human limits."

"Don't give me that crap. You're doing this because you're a coward and would rather constantly distract yourself from feeling psychological pain by creating physical pain. Do you really think it's _taking it away_?"

"No, I don't. Your point?" He said, as calmly as possible, meeting her eyes, but unphased by her intense stare.

"Please, call me what you want, because I honestly don't really care what you wanna call it. It's not like I'm suicidal or anything like that, so I really don't see why you're insisting on pestering me about this." He sighed.

Actually, he _did_ _know_ ; he just couldn't care less to argue with _her_ right now. He really didn't want to add insult to injury at this point in time, and he just couldn't take much more, because the aching was already trying to tempt him to pound his arm into the wall enough.

He then pulled his arm out of her grip, struggling to embrace the sharp pain that shot up through his arm mostly assuredly because of the stress and disappointment in knowing that she was still standing there. "Anyways, I do have a job to do, ne, Namie-san...? So, if you will-"

He had began to speak, but, before he could finish his sentence, he was utterly slapped in the face, unexpectedly, by his secretary-backslash-hired-housewife, and he was completely silent for a moment, as he tried to process what had just happened. Gently holding his hand to his face, he struggled not to laugh, and, instead, looked up at her with a somewhat hollow, but somehow still observing and curious expression.

She was glaring at him, but her eyes were wavering with an unreadable look in her brown irises.

"My dear Namie," he gave in, averting his gaze, however slightly annoyed by her persistence. "I really don't see why you're getting so defensive over what I do to my own skin, anyway. It's my life, after all, and I will live it how I do so please to."

"You're insane, Izaya. No, I don't care about you, and _nobody_ does. You know why? It's because they _can't_ because of how you're always pushing them away. You would rather accept hate with grace from people over giving true love from them a chance because you think that unilateral love is the only thing you can understand, but you know what? You can't grasp the real meaning of hate if you can't understand the inpact of real love, Izaya. I think it's quite sad, really."

Izaya begged to differ, even if he knew she was right. Smiling, he threw his hands in the air a bit. "Oh, but I disagree, Namie. I understand love more than you could ever know. I understand it very well, in fact, because, even if you hate me, I'll still love you in equal measures as a human being. On the other hand, I refuse to love you or anybody else as a person, simply because you know what? I actually _do_ know, Namie, what impact love can have on people. I reject it because I'm not like any of you at all."

Namie was silent for a moment, before scoffing.

"Wow, I guess you're right.. You're _not_ like any of us, are you, Izaya...? I think it's so sad, I almost pity you. I bet not even one person has ever had any kind of positive love to show you in return. Nobody is appreciative of it because they don't know or don't care. A unilateral obsession of humans in general is not love at all, and I'm sure you know that quite well, don't you? You're just beyond fascinated with our human species and that's all there is to it. Again, not one person out of all those people you've taken an interest in have ever even looked back at you, have they?"

"Ah~? How mean to imply that I'm so unloved, Namie~! Oh, but I assure you I don't need to experience such trivial things as requited love, as it's way funner to just observe people from the sidelines and not be noticed by them. By the way, wasn't that a bit strange coming from someone like you with your one-sided feelings towards your brothe-" he had smirked, already predicting the reaction he was going to get.

"Seiji has nothing to do with this!" She exclaimed, interrupting him, before suddenly taking him off guard with a smirk of her own. "What about Heiwajima Shizuo, then?"

"What _about_ him~? Hm?" Izaya raised an eyebrow, not sure if he was feeling exactly comfortable with where this conversation was going, but he still had his pride.

"Tell me, is it really that fun to constantly provoke him, or are you trying to get some kind of reaction out of him? I'm sure he'd be fine if you were suddenly dead, but you seem to keep trying to bring yourself to his attention. Why is that?" She inquired.

"What are you getting at?" Izaya questioned in return, somewhat disturbed yet humored by the insinuations.

He sighed. "I simply want to be able to love all of my humans for who and what they are, but Shizu-chan isn't human, or at least doesn't act like it. So why should I treat him like one?"

"Hah, you sound like a child." She said simply, currently filing some papers she had in her hand.

"Oh? How so? I don't think so, Namie~ Perhaps.. maybe I am being a little bit stubborn, but, you know..., I've spent years trying to get to understand my beloved humans better, and yet... I _still_ can't figure him out at all. He's the only one, beside of Kishitani Shinra that I could never understand at times. I would almost say I'm afraid of Shizu-chan's unpredictability, if anything. One minute, he might be saying he's somebody's friend, but then, whenever he snaps suddenly as he normally does, he's liable to risk them getting hurt, or even intentionally hurt them if they coincidentally happened to get in his way. I could never just allow myself to like him or trust him, because I refuse to let myself psychologically get hurt by someone like hi-" he had cut himself off, looking up at her. He honestly hadn't intended to say all of that, but, evidently, he had said it, then, hadn't he?

"I see," She smirked, obviously rather satisfied and proud of her accomplishment. "so you are afraid of him, then. Who would have imagined?"

"Are you by chance mocking me, Namie? Honestly, this is why you humans are so scary and amusing to me..." Izaya laughed softly to himself, before turning around in his chair to look out the window.

And that's when he heard the knock. Somehow, he already knew who it was, and, while he would have preferred to just ignore him and leave him there to just keep knocking, he honestly didn't want to have to pay for a new door because that person had gotten tired of waiting and decided to kick it open instead.

"Namie, can you open that for me? And guide dear Shiki-san in, will you?" He didn't turn around.

"Whatever..." he heard her grumble and smiled.

"Now, then..., I do wonder what he could want with _me~_ "

"Informant-san..."

"Why good afternoon, Shiki-san~" He said politely, spinning back around to face him. "Please have a seat, ne? How are you doing today~?"

Shiki looked at him as if expecting something, but refrained from saying something unasked for with Namie nearby.

"I am doing well enough, thank you, but perhaps you should be worrying about yourself for once, yeah?"

"Oh? What's there to worry for, ne~? You make it sound like you're planning to kill me, Shiki-san~"

"Who knows if I am or not? Maybe I am, yeah?" He replied cooly, sitting down on the couch and facing him.

 _"Kowai na!_ This is why I never know what to think of the Yakuza~! It's really so hard to believe I'm hated by all of you that much~ I don't know what I did to receive such hostility, ne~?" He feigned shock and hurt, before meeting the other's eyes.

"Any who, what can I help you with today? Hm~? What is it you even came here for, Shiki-san?" He smirked out of a sense of curiosity, before momentarily gazing off absentmindedly to the side and observing Namie's expression.

"I have a job for you." Shiki spoke quietly in response, pulling out his nail file, swiftly cleaning his nails.

"Oh? How exciting~ And what might you be requesting my assistance for~?"

"...Perhaps it's just me, but don't you seem a little too giddy today, Orihara-kun?" He said, causing Izaya to raise an eyebrow. Shiki had never called him by the 'kun' honorific before, usually only sticking to 'informant' or 'informant-san' and sometimes 'Orihara-san'.

He assumed he was getting a bit annoyed by his behavior, but he wasn't easy to read, either way, so it was hard to tell.

 _"He's right; I really do seem anxious, don't I...? Why am I feeling like this, anyway? It couldn't be that medicine, could it? I know I didn't take_ that _much..."_

"What~? _Iie~_ I have no idea what you're talking about, Shiki-san~ Maybe I'm just so glad that you finally came to give me a job, _ne~?_ I was honestly beginning to think you all had forgotten about me," Izaya smirked wryly, flinching at the pain in his hand as he moved it around. "and I was getting so tired of waiting for someone to realize they all still need lil' ol' me around, afterall, _ne~?"_

It was obvious he was completely bluffing, and hadn't a concern for the fact that he was speaking with such disrespect to the yazuka executive of Awakusu, of all things, but Shiki seemed to be more familiar with Izaya than some, but it was still hard to figure out what Shiki's exact feelings towards Izaya were.

Namie, on the other hand, couldn't help but wonder if there could have been more of a hidden meaning to his words than what he was insinuating, because, even if he was acting sort of strange, this was still around about how he typically acted. Very rarely did he ever seem to mention his own feelings on things except for in random passing comments, and he seemed to do so in a way that was intended to leave you thinking and possibly trying to read between the lines to ask if he was really okay or not. Naturally, if you did ask, he would just dart around the dart around it and make fun of you for doing so like he always did, and he seemed to greatly enjoy doing it, too.

Remembering how he had glanced at her moments before, she mused to herself; Could it have been his way of shouting out for someone to notice that he was asking for a friend in the only way he knew how to at this point in his life? All because he had 'accepted' and 'appreciated' that nobody cared about him, but he still found some sense of false closure in doing so?

Izaya's gaze briefly dropped to his chessboard as he briefly closed his eyes, chuckling ever so softly in unison.

"So, anyway, about the job," Shiki started.

"Oh, right. Sorry about that; please do continue, ne, Shiki-san?" Izaya got up from his chair, smirking even wider, as he walked over, standing in front of the couch and coffee table where Shiki had sat down at.

"A few weeks ago, there was a sudden shooting that had targeted some of our gang, and, since then, we've lost at least five or six of our lower ranking men. Reports say there have been other civilians shot as well because they were suspected to be Yakuza. Your job isn't to investigate this or anything, but it's a actually more of favor, if you will."

Izaya rose a brow at this, confused but a bit curious as to why Shiki was-

"Of course I'll still pay you and all, but this is something I need you to do. Kishitani is currently not answering his phone, so I'm wanting you, being his friend and all, to talk to him to get some information on this chemical compound of sorts that was found near the last corpse that was found." He told him, reaching into his pocket to pull out a small clear zip-lock bag, which contained several nearly rotted fibers and a few drops of clear but obviously dried liquid which had a slight tinge of pink to it. On the plastic was written an 'H'.

"Oh? I'm actually surprised that someone like you wouldn't know what this is, Shiki-san~" Izaya commented.

"Do you?" Shiki rose an eyebrow ever so slightly.

"No, of course not. I'm an observer of humans, not a researcher, with a few definite exceptions, of course. If _you_ don't know what this substance is, _I_ _probably_ wouldn't know, but, considering the knowledge that some of your members have when it comes to this kind of thing, I would have thought they would know something, ne?" Izaya looked at him unexpectedly, picking up the bag which held the unknown substance.

"Usually, we would have, but we're suspecting that it's likely some new foreign drug that's being produced in another country, and it was likely brought into the country after somehow making it pass the border without someone even caring to notice, and it would also explain why nobody seems to recognize it."

"Either that, or you could have a traitor in your crew, ne? But I have to admit; there are people out there like that. Humans that are constantly trying to see how high they can go, after all."

"That sounds a little odd coming from _you_ , doesn't it, Orihara?"

"What? How assuming, Shiki-san~! I'm not talking about people like myself at all~! I'm talking about people who actually have an intent to hurt people!"

"I see. Well, anyway... I'm going to be back next week, hopefully. And I'm going to be expecting some information on all that, alright?"

"I fully understand, and will do my very best." Izaya chirped, bowing slightly with a smile after Shiki had gotten up, and began to make his exit.

"If anything, ask Kishitani Shinra to contact me. I do need to speak with him. Also, it appears that Akane-ojou-chan has went missing again. Know anything about that?" He looked back, stopping at the door.

"Ah~? Again? _Iie_ , I don't know anything, but I'll be sure to keep my eye out for her, ne~?"

"Yeah, do that, if you will. I'll see you soon, Informant-san." He said politely, before finally leaving the building.

"Well now, glad that's over~" Izaya chirped, then placed the plastic bag down on his desk, before throwing himself back into his seat and turning back around to face his beloved city of Ikebukuro.

"That Shiki-san's a sharp one, huh...? I really do feel like my heart is going to explode, though..." he said, sighing but laughing to himself, before looking up at the sky.

"Did you take something, Izaya?" He jumped ever so slightly when he heard Namie suddenly speaking beside him.

"Oh _gomen_ _ne_ , Namie~ I almost forgot you were here~!"

Namie rolled her eyes. "I stand corrected, then. You couldn't have just taken something. I bet you took too much of something, didn't you? To be honest you're acting way too odd, even for yourself. And you're shaking quite a bit, too."

"Oh, but why would I do something stupid like that? And I'm not acting at all that weird~! I just happen to-"

"Be dealing with major anxiety, and cutting yourself," she cut him off, and continued before he could say anymore. "as well as acting extraordinarily happy even though you're not. You know that yakuza saw right through your act, right?"

"Of course he did," replied Izaya, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "But as long as he didn't question me, it doesn't matter to me whether he noticed or not."

She turned to face him, suddenly staring at him incredulously. "...Izaya, I'm going to ask you this in all seriousness, which means don't you dare dart around the many possible answers. Can you... _really_ not find or see anything at all wrong with the way you're acting, nor what you're even doing to yourself?" She momentarily held up his scarred wrist, glaring intensely at him, but unexpectedly.

"No." Izaya replied simply, pulling away. "To each his own, Namie. I don't see why you're acting so hostile to me all of a sudden."

His attitude really made her want to slap him for everything he was worth, but she knew, all too well, that that could have been what he was even wanting from her. So she didn't, and, instead, did something neither one of them would have ever expected her to do.

She hugged him.

 _~ End of Chapter_

* * *

 _ **A/N: This is NOT IzayaxNamie, even though I do definitely ship that. In this story, it'll be more of a sibling-like relationship. But now I'm suddenly thinking I want to go start writing an IzaNamie fanfiction... hmm... Too many ideas, anxiety, and so little time to write. T^T**_

 _ **So, anyways, what do you guys think?**_

 _ **Replies to reviews:**_

 _ **Lulu:**_

 _ **Yeah, Izaya never struck me as the type of person who would do anything without some sort of valid reasoning within his own mind, and I could see him excluding someone because of something like that. Naturally, I also see him as being the type of person that you have to 'read between the lines' to fully understand his intentions, as apposed to Shizuo who seems to have taken somewhat of a liking to Vorona for some of the same things he's shunned Izaya for. I think it's sad how bad they get along, because, if Shizuo had taken the chance to actually get to know Izaya, their relationship could have been so much different and better, and even**_ **he** _ **admitted it in the SH novels.**_

 _ **Inlovewithshizaya:**_

 _ **Really? Hontou ni? Yokatta~! I'm so glad you like it, and are even proud of it! :3**_

 _ **Guest: :3**_


	7. Chapter 6

_**Story: Read Between the Lines, Chapter 6**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!/DRRR!**_

 _ **Two or three days ago, it was the end of the college term, so I had a little extra time on my hands to write this for you guys. :3**_

* * *

What was... going on? What was she... doing? And why?

When he had finally registered that Namie, of all people, was actually _embracing_ _him_ , of all things and people, he didn't quite know what to say, but almost felt humored. At the same time, it was warm and conforting, in a way.

However, he knew it wouldn't last long. Sure, his sisters had hugged him before, but the fact that it was Namie just made it seem... a bit foreign to him, and he had to admit that he didn't know what to think. On the other hand, instead of protesting, he just decided to figure out what kind of blackmail she was surely planning. He really never knew for sure what to expect with her, and, either way, he also refused to let _her_ choose when to stop, and just took this happening into his _own_ hands.

"I'm... being hugged now? First you hit me, then you're suddenly holding me with such delicacy? Oh my goodness, _Namie_ , you really _should_ make up your mind already, n-"

"Shut up, _now_."

Izaya stiffened a bit, taken a bit off by her harsher-than-usual tone. He grew silent, but a small smile remained with him, practically frozen in place, as he waited for her to continue.

"Can't you tell?" She asked.

"Hm?" He possibly knew what she was asking about, but inquired, anyway.

"You're an idiot, Izaya... You're even more of an idiot than that Heiwajima man."

"What? How am I-" She had gone a bit too far, on that one, he was sure. This was hurting his pride and he didn't like being reminded of Shizuo. Did Namie even know that?

Wait, of course she did. Maybe that was what she was trying to do? Man, that woman was scary even when she _was_ predictable, to be honest.

"How the hell can you tear your body to pieces and not see a damn thing wrong with it? You really should be institutionalized, Izaya. You... Do you actually want that?" Namie hissed.

She couldn't be... Namie wouldn't do something like that out of concern. This really was the last thing he needed as of right now. In fact, that would honestly just be humiliating to him. Man, Namie was really such an ass to him at times like these...

"Iie...! Really now, there's no need to be so hasty~!" he insisted, pulling away, as he smiled, but tried hard not to laugh pitifully at himself and at stupidity of how he had even managed to receive such attention as that from Namie. And he couldn't put it past her to actually to try to do something like that. That woman definitely knew some _people_ , so he would never underestimate her just because a certain building was being sold out. He sighed, getting up.

"I _do_ understand, though, why you're _so_ very worried about with me acting so weird and all, though, so I'll 'straighten up' right away, ne? Even so, Namie, threatening me like that~? How cruel~! On the other hand, I do hope you know that it's not like I'd ever just openly admit to feeling something like that to someone at a hospital or police officer, of all things~! That was pretty clever, though~! I have to admit that much~!"

"I-" already hearing Namie's protests, Izaya smiled, gently placing a hand on top of her head. Her eyes widened a bit whenever he did as she cut herself off.

"However, since you _are_ being _damn_ _persistent_ in making such a big deal about my own well being, even though I honestly have no clue as to why, if it will satisfy you, I'll talk to Shinra... I'm sure you know, as well as I do, that he'd be able diagnose me with something quicker than you could ever snap your fingers... And he knows me rather well, too." He said, now standing up and facing his desk to pick up the plastic bag.

"But, but before I go, there's one thing you, of all people, should know by now, Namie-chan..." he turned to look her in the eyes.

"I don't usually forgive people who act like they care for me... I'm sure you, of all people, understand what that means better than anyone else, ne? But, if not, I really am truly fine with it if you just keep hating me... becuase you only make it more interesting for me by doing so, ne~? Besides," he turned away again, no longer able to look at her with an honest smile at all, anymore. He was a bit quieter, and more serene when he spoke again. "we really are a whole lot better off just staying that way, but... I'm sure you already know all that, by now, don't you? Sorry for bringing up such irrelevant matters. I'll drop them right away, for you, alright? Hahah! Forgive me for that, will you~? I really didn't mean to scare you like that or anything~! I just really couldn't stand it~!"

Namie opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by Izaya before she could even begin.

"Anyway..., my good secretary, take care of my office while I'm gone, will you? Bye bye, now~"

Namie glared at him. He hadn't taken her that serious at all, _had_ he? He really couldn't see was 'wrong' about everything he had said, could he? He really as such an idiot, in that way. Was this what he did to his sisters, too? "Wait, Izaya!"

He smirked, utterly deciding to ignore whatever she might have had to say, as he picked up the plastic bag and keys, running to the door. Giving her a wave, he let himself out slip out the door, leaving his 'housewife'-backslash-secretary behind to think over what had just happened.

To be completely honest with himself, he usually wasn't particularly fond of straight out lying to anybody, except for Shizuo, without twisting in at least a little bit of truth to the mix, but he wasn't lying at all this time, and _could_ say he was rather proud of his words, for everything he had told her was the truth, though the only thing that he 'promised' to let Shinra check on was his swollen wrist.

He didn't hate Namie for how that rather uneventful occurance had went down or anything, but he couldn't help but find himself extremely irritated at the thought of someone trying to take away the one option that he could always see as being there.

He was fully conscious of the fact that it he wasn't actually 'escaping his pain' by bleeding out, like some might have thought whenever they did it, but he was absolutely fine with that, afterall...!

Why go and regret doing something that makes you feel so great for once, or at least 'fulfilled', to do it? His human blood didn't judge him like all of _them_. And that fact alone satisfied him enough, because he realized he didn't _'need' them_. It let him know he was alive. His crimson was fasinatingly beautiful and the only thing he had always been allowed to label as his. Beside of that, he could always _just let loose_ whenever he felt he needed to, or just wanted to, with it, and that, in itself, was completely satisfying for him.

Who were _they_ to take his own sense of control away from him? No, he refused to forgive anyone for that. His body was his own, and his, alone, and it's not like he could _always_ observe his humans whenever he just felt like it.

Cutting open his skin created a destraction like no other. It helped him ignore that dreadful silence, too, and the mental pain that he was always trying to avoid thinking over. Why would anyone ever want to rip something that had became a part of him away from him? Becuase she hated him, as they all did, and he didn't mind, because, while he loved all of them as a character in his game..., he couldn't help by hate each and everyone of them as a person, in a way. He wasn't like them, and he never could be, so why even try? Hah, he had gave up long ago.

"Everyone should seriously know by now that it's too late to change me..., as these scars are already a part of me and will always be, unfortunately. This pain is the only way I've learned that I can even connect to myself, anymore, whether I can like it or not, but I have to accept it and move on, ne? So I won't allow _her_ , or _anybody_ , to take that away from me. Nor will I easily forgive someone who would _want_ to... I already know what I'm asking for by walking down this path, and I've already accepted it, after all, so there's no use in going back, or even trying, _Namie_..., so I wish, more than anything, that people like her would just leave me alone about it, already. It keeps pissing me off so damn much when people just don't know when to stop! But... damn... why am actually I finding that amusing...? _Sigh_... Who knows...? Damn it all..., I'm really such a hypocrite, aren't I...?"

"Okay..., I really make myself sick sometimes..."

Sure, maybe he did hate it, but, 'tearing his skin' wide open was the only way he could 'feel', at times... Even human observations had brought upon him an annoying sense of mental numbness as of late, because he had seen the same things so many times, it had became too 'boring' for himself to deal with.

No..., he refused to allow anyone to take the only true sense of joy he had away from him, no matter who _or what_ they were, Shinra included.

And, of course..., _Heiwajima Shizuo,_ as well...

~ End of Chapter

* * *

 _ **A/N: Once again, something felt off about this, but I did try... I hope it was somewhat enjoyable? Thanks for reviewing if you did ^^**_

 _ **Reviews to Replies.**_

 _ **Inlovewithshizaya: I can respect that. ^^**_

 _ **But I, myself, will admit to exploring various different pairings with Izaya, because I guess I relate his relationship with Shizuo like mine and mine and my own brothers, I don't get along that great at all with him at times. He actually has high functioning autism(like myself) and tends to often overreact to the situation. Even my past at school was a lot like Izaya's, and I've never exactly been able to connect to people in a positive way, I admit. But still, I also sort of feel a connection to Mikado, too, so... I just want Izaya to be truly happy for once, no matter who he's with, but Shizuo fills that role the best, but he needs to make up to Izaya for all that mental trauma he's caused him... It is kind of Shizu-chan's fault for overreacting in the beginning, too... T^T**_

 _ **I love Shizuo and all, but he still does really annoy me at times... ((by the way, there still is a huge difference between my brother and Shizuo, because my brother is just often vulgar on top of all that, and has absolutely no regard to care if people find his sense of disgusting humor funny or not..., so, I'm sad to say it..., but Shizuo's better.))**_

 _ **Lala: Eh?**_

 _ **Nakamurayuko61: Nope, still here. (Authors block has had me for a while, and I'm in the middle of way too many fanfictions right now...) Thanks. ^^**_

 _ **Reader: That kind of thing annoys me, too... I prefer for a story to have plenty of then closer characters, and it has more of a realistic feel to it if you can spread out their encounters a little bit.**_

 _ **Reallyyy? I'm glad! I'm kind proud of my Shizu-chan, too, so far! Arigatou ne~ =**_


	8. Chapter 7

_**Story: Read Between the Lines, Chapter 7(I know it said 8 before, but it was 7)**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!/DRRR!**_

* * *

It had honestly been a while since Shinra had seen Izaya face to face, so, when he had found _him_ , of _all people_ , knocking on his door, he hadn't quite known what to think right at first.

"Orihara-kun? What are you doing here?" He started to ask, uncertain.

"Ah, it's so good to see you, too, my friend~! It's been a while, ne~?" Izaya rose an eyebrow, smiling. "And you wound me _so very much_ , Shinra~! I'm actually suppose to have a _reason_ to visit a _friend~?_ Alas, that is so mean and cold of you, to insinuate such a thing, Shinra~"

"I'm not insinuating, Orihara-kun. I just _know_ , because you _always_ have a reason for coming here, don't you? You never go anywhere at all, or do anything without a reason in mind, do you?" Shinra questioned nonchalantly, knowing that Izaya knew full well that everything he had said was true.

"Ah... So true~ You really read me so well~! _Ne_ , Shinra~?" Izaya chirped, however, turning around a bit to hide a oddly sad smile from being scene. "Anyway, since I see I'm not all that welcome here, after all, I'll just make quick for my friend, ne? I came here to deliver something from the awakusu-kai; from Shiki-san, to be specific~ It's a chemical or such left at a crime scene. He said he couldn't get up with you."

"Sir Shiki wanted to talk to me...?" Shinra paused for a minute, thinking about it.

Izaya began to speak, but was cut off before he could.

"Sorry, I only talk to people if I want to talk to them the moment, so, anyway, what is it you came to deliver, _Mr. Infodealer_?" Shinra smirked a bit, holding up his his hands, gesturing quotations with his fingers in mockery.

The information broker honestly didn't know what to think, but the brunette's attitude towards Shiki sort of both unsettled and amused him at the same time.

"Hey, aren't you acting of ornery today? Or maybe it's just me," Izaya chirped, walking in before Shinra could tell him to leave. "but there's really no need to be so hostile towards me, ne? I really didn't come here to irritate you~ I think my wrist is broken, too, so there's also _that~"_

"Wait, you think your _wrist_ is broken? I bet Shizuo-kun did it to you, then? You provoked him again, didn't you?"

"Ah, so perceptive, Shinra~! In fact, you're so perceptive that it's even scary~ but you are far from right to say that I'm the one who provoked him. Hahaha! You're so amusing~ but, if I may ask, how did you even _know_ ~?" Izaya chimed, smirking.

"I'm actually not that perceptive, Izaya. I'm just perceptive of _you_. But you already know that, don't you?"

"Of course, it's because we're practically the exact opposite of each another, ne?"

"Yeah, we are. That's why I know you so well, and why you don't understand me at all, Orihara-kun. I would have to say your position in our 'friendship' must feel rather unfair to someone like yourself, huh? Since you like to understand humans and all, it must really be agony." Shinra was taunting him, and Izaya knew this. It had hurt his pride enough to have to come here and even show his face around him, but the fact that the illegal doctor knew him so damn well... it... stung him to the core, because he didn't know anything hardly about Shinra, or in comparison to the former at least.

Plus, Shinra's detatchment from the world only made it that much easier for him to read Izaya like he was just a walking book, and that was honestly only making him feel more pathetic and more irritated than when he had even arrived.

"Well, now~ I guess I'm not all that welcome here, after all, ne, Shinra~?" He teased, a wry smirk plastered on his face, to simply spite the annoying lump in his throat that just wouldn't leave no matter what he did. Taking out the bag from earilier, he held it out the Shinra, obviously forcing a smile. "...So I'll just have to leave this piece of evidence in your trustworthy hands. Here~ And for you, I'm gonna leave now, since yo-"

"Celty!"

However, right as Izaya was _about_ to leave, half-welcomed shadows, which had not been calcuated for at all, surrounded him. He smirked, but sighed in defeat.

"Oh dear~ It seems the Headless Rider caught me~ What to do~? What to do~?" He hummed, but was actually seething inside. He wanted to get away from this place. No, he needed to get away from Ikebukuro in general, and she was standing in his way. "Alas, it's so flattering to know that you want to keep me here, though, _courier~!"_

In all honestly, he actually _didn't_ expect Celty to be come there at all while he was there, so he assumed that she had, unfortunately for him, finished the most recent job he had hired her for a lot sooner than expected.

"Orihara-kun-"

"It's so hard to believe people think my face is so attractive to the point they would want to keep me-"

He didn't even care anymore to hear what Shinra had to say. He wasn't thinking straight. He didn't want to be here at all.

Interrupting him, a PDA was suddenly shoved into his face.

[After all the things you came here for, you're not just gonna leave. I don't like you very much, no, but that's really not the issue here, you... I really don't want to hurt a human, so quit trying to provoke, already, will you?!]

"Mn~? What's this~? Am I feeling you worrying for me~? Hahaha, honestly, you're becoming more human every day, ne, dullahan~? I honestly don't understand how Shinra can accept you into his life so well~ but I accept that as his choice as a human~ On the other hand, I'll never except /you/ as a human, just so you know~! So just mind your own business, Dullahan~! Hahah-ouch! _Damn that hurt... Well what are you waiting waiting for, monster~? Why don't you go ahead and finish me off?!_ I _insist~!_ HAHAHA! The looks on your face is priceless even if you don't have a face."

Celty took a step back, wondering if Izaya had suddenly lost his mind.

But then-

 _Smack._

Izaya looked above him, holding his extremely weak hand to his face, silent as a dead man suddenly.

She had never once seem him loose his composure like that before, so it was actually really unsettling to herself. She hadn't known what to do to calm him down. He didn't even really seem to be focusing on her, but, rather, past her... Something inside her told her that he was probably in his own world at the moment. It was the only she could thing she could think to do.

"Thanks for that, Celty... I was actually about to do the same thing..." Shinra had gotten up, and was now standing in front of Izaya.

[...Have you calmed down now..?]

He suddenly glowered at her, with an amused, but rather cynical, expression.

"I say, you actually did that to that to make me _'calm down'_ ~? That just won't do! I really don't know why you would tell me such nonsense, even though I'm just as serene and fine as I always am~ I'm _completely_ calm, ne~? Hahahah... Ah Damn it" he suddenly grew tense when he felt hot tears pricking his eye lashes and welling up in the corners of his eyes.

"Say Shinra..., can you please just hurry up and examine my arm, already? I really don't have all day, ne?" Izaya tried to smile, but it was so incredibly forced that it wasn't funny to him. In fact, it hurt like hell to it up, and that was all he knew. He despised that habit.

[Shinra..., has he always been this messed up?] Celty had suddenly asked.

"No, I don't think so, maybe something happened between him and Shizuo-kun? My guess is that Shizuo-kun did something really unexpected, or at least did something that _Izaya_ didn't expect him to do...?"

Shinra ignored the cold glance that was suddenly sent in his direction which also proved he was right. Even though... Shinra was usually always right, without even trying, when it came to Izaya.

"Oh, right. You said you came here about your arm, too, right? Celty, you can let him go, now."

[Eh? Are you sure he won't do anything?], she asked, observing Izaya from the side of her view.

"Yeah, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Orihara-kun won't really do anything."

And she did just that, but, despite her expectations, Izaya made no attempt to stand or get up. He just sat there, smirking coldly as if everything in the world was just a game right now.

"As if I _could_ ," he said spitefully, a forced and daring smirk plastered on his face.

"with a monster like Celty around here who would choke me to death or break my fragile human neck if I _did_ , ne?"

Glaring at them, he just _dared_ Shinra or Celty to say one more thing to break him even more, _especially_ Shinra though.

"I hate that about you so damn much, Shinra. Why can I never see through you like you can me~? It's really so unfair~~" He clutched his pocket knife sitting in his pocket, itching to just cut something, particularly his own body right now.

The anxiety right now was practically unbearable.

What did Shinra think of him right now, as he looked down at him?

Where was Shizuo?

How much longer until Shizuo finally came to finish him of?

Did Shinra know...?

"...Hate and love are strong words, Orihara-kun. I'll be honest with you. I don't like you."

His eyes widened a slight bit when Shinra said that, and, in that moment, he was rendered speechless. His friend... Probably... his only friend _hated_ him, then. And that was all there was to it. He'd always known, but, for some reason, to actually hear those words come out of Shinra's mouth... It hurt...

How sad and ironic was that?

"...I understa-"

"But I don't hate you."

"...Huh? Shit... That..." he swallowed, letting his bangs cover his eyes, as he suddenly began tittering, tears now rolling down his cheeks. "That wasn't even remotely funny, Shinra..."

 _'Why do humans always have this kind of affect on me, no matter what I do or where I go? I guess I can't avoid it, after all, huh? I was really always afraid of this happening...'_

"I know." Shinra shrugged. "It wasn't meant to be funny."

"...Heh. That's so typical of you, Shinra... Honestly, how can you not care about anything, like you do..?"

"Because I only care about Celty." Shinra replied with ease to his question.

"Tch... figures~ I really should have know that...

"What about you, Izaya? You only care about Shizuo, don't you? You-"

"Shut up, Shinra..." the raven hissed, cutting him off, before he looked back up, the same mocking malicious smirk pastered on his face as usual. To spite the tears currently streaming down his face, he cursed them. He tried to suck them back, but miserably failed at doing so, in his own opinion. "You really do talk too much, you know? Naa, I'm leaving..."

"Izaya..., you're doing it again, aren't you?" Shinra suddenly asked him, an odd look in his eyes that she never seen before. But Celty couldn't read it.

"Yeah," Izaya muttered, not turning around."but I always was, Shinra. You just didn't know..."

"I see..." Shinra hummed. "Well... just so you know, if you died, I would have just lost a good friend..."

"...No, I completely disagree; I'm not a good person, Shinra... I'm not a good a good person at all. _None_ of us are."

"Well, I have to admit you're right about that one," the bespectacled man but you know you were still always a good friend to me, you know...? Orihara-kun? Do pro-"

"I'll try not to."

"Well..., that's better than nothing, I guess... See you later." Shinra sighed in defeat. Shinra would have offered to look at his hand, but he knew Izaya needed space right now.

But, once again, Celty felt plain lost. She didn't know what to think or say, because she had never thought of Izaya as one to so easily be torn down and apart by Shinra, of all people.

She still never could fully understand humans at all, even to this day.

 _\- End of Chapter._

* * *

 _ **A/N: What did yer think?~ Bad, probably. I feel this was horrible, but please review, anyway, and tell me what you think? Ne? Onegai? ^^**_

 _ **Replies to reviews:**_

 _ **Guest: Who knows?**_


	9. Chapter 8 Part 1

_**Story: Read Between the Lines, Chapter 8**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!**_

* * *

The headless horseman and Dullahan, Celty, had never once actually 'hated' Izaya, but she had never been all that fond of him, either, and nor did she think she would probably ever feel all that comfortable around him. She couldn't blame anyone else who couldn't either, because she was aware that nobody trusted him, including herself, and probably even Izaya, himself. On the other hand, she didn't really think he was a 'horrible' person, per say, otherwise she most assuredly would _not_ have helped him with those 'jobs', hired or not. To be honest, she would have to say he was just extremely unstable, if anything.

Despite the way he acted towards her, an actual 'monster' by definition, Izaya had never thrown the first punch to actually hurt or kill anybody, except for slashing Shizuo but that, in many ways, was a mutually returned practically daily occurance, and even Shinra had mentioned to her that, if Izaya actually killed someone, he would probably experience more human guilt than anyone else likely would.

Still, with him, she just never knew for nobody at all could ever seem to trust him when they got even a glimpse of what he was like, but, at the same time, she actually did believe Shinra, in a way, because he seemed to know both Izaya, Shizuo, and herself, anyone better than anyone else.

In fact, he was so insightful, it was almost scary even to someone like herself who wasn't supposed to have many fears except for the current wherabouts of her head and what was going on with it. (There was still a small, but constant, anxious feeling in the pit of her stomach which she couldn't deny, because the fate of her head was naturally the possible death that could be staring her in the face as she spoke.)

But, _because_ of his insight, he realized that a lot of people have been saved, whether it was his intention or not. Kamichika Rio, for instance, would have died if she hadn't saved her, yes, but, perhaps..., in that end, could he have known she would...? She couldn't help but wonder, but that was the semi-conclusion she had came to.

However, Celty would soon to realize that there was a lot to Izaya that she didn't know anything about, and never would have even suspected.

 _[Shinra, what is Izaya doing that's so bad?]_

"Huh?"

 _["You're still doing it, aren't you?" is what you asked him.]_

"Ah, I-"

 _[And you and him got into a long conversation that was implying he's involved in something harmful.]_

"Well it's hard to say-"

 _[I'm his courier, Shinra! I might unknowingly be in trouble with the law if it's something illegal! Just thinking of being chased by any crazy cops again absolutely terrifies me! You don't know how hard it is to run away from them! I can't deal with, and I could just see him smirking in spiteful amusement as they would be chasing me-]_

"Celty! Calm down, calm down! It's not like that at all!" She was growing hysterical, as those "memories"(traumas) were suddenly flashing in her mind. One thought immediately lead to another, and, before she knew it, she was shaking like hell in fear.

When he placed his hands around hers, she looked at him.

"It's not anything like that, Celty. I promise." He smiled softly, amused in a charming way by her hysterics.

 _\- "It's not...? Then what is it? What does he know? I feel really in the dark right now..."_

"Ah, you don't need to worry, Celty. It's just something kind of personal. To be honest, Orihara-kun wouldn't want you or anyone else to know."

 _Whoosh._

"...Hehe, I'm not going to get out of this one, am I...?" He finally sighed nervously, as he had been wrapped up in her shadows, and was lifted upside down in the air.

 _[No. You're not. You've told me secrets about him and Shizuo before, so it's really no different now, is it? To be honest, I'd really want to know.]_

"...Okay, I'll do it for you, Celty, my honey! But, only if you promise me you won't tell anyone, okay...? Please?"

She nodded in her own way, but, down deep, she wasn't so sure she actually planned to make such a commitment to keep a promise she didn't know if she _would_ be able to keep. Naturally, thought, she didn't want to break a promise so she would have her ways if it was anything that important, and she felt the need to tell somebody.

Over the all the years she had gotten to know Shinra, she had never fully understood it. The only things he ever told her were probably always things that should have been left unsaid, but then he would keeping the serious thoughts and matters back from her for whatever reason.

"Back in middle school," Shinra began, averting his gaze in deep thought. "about a week after Nakura had stabbed me..., I found that Orihara-kun had picked up on a bad habit. Have you ever heard of self-injury?"

 _["Self-injury?" You mean where people intentionally harm themselves?]_

"Yeah, there here are various ways one can go about it, but-"

 _[Wait wait wait! Izaya wouldn't do something like-]_

 _[You're not implying that Izaya would hurts himself, are you? You're kidding! You-]_

"I'm not implying it," Shinra said simply, suddenly shrugging with a straight face. "I'm saying it. Even as detached from him as I am, I guess I am still a sort of friend to him, so I do wish it wasn't true, and that's what I actually thought, myself, at first... but you really should have seen it, because you would definitely understand, then. After that one incident happened, I noticed a huge bandage on one of his arms, and asked several times about it to which I think I he finally just said something like, 'it's nothing at all. Just an accident. Mind your own business, will you, Kishitani-kun?' And then, a few days later, he suddenly started wearing long sleeved shirts out of nowhere, even at times that it was really hot, so I guess I got curious, with how he was always darting around my questions and even seeming to pull away a lot more than before, even though he'd never been all that fond of much physical contact to begin with, when anyone happened to touch him, and 'accidentally' did something I'd have to say, even in my own detached heart, I really regretted doing in the end..."

There was a distantly unreadable expression on his face that almost held a sense of... nostalgia to it? She couldn't quite tell, but she knew she didn't want to see what he had. She'd almost say she felt bad for him, but he'd pretty much asked for it by casually and cruely just prying into people's lives without their consent.

And they both knew that.

 _[Something you... regretted? What happened?]_

With Celty's question in mind he had to think back to fifteen years ago.

 _Fifteen years ago, Raijin Junior High_

"Did you hear? Kishitani-kun got stabbed...! Orihara-kun did it!"

"Eh? Is he okay?"

"Wait, Orihara-kun wouldn't actually _stab_ someone, right?"

"I've never seen him angry before, so he must have been super pissed off!"

"Maybe Kishitani was trying to dissect him?"

"Hahah...! I actually wouldn't be surprised by that, now that I think about it. That guy is a real freak, to be honest."

"...I wonder if they're still friends, or could Orihara just be using him?"

"I don't like Kishitani-kun very much myself, so serves him right."

"Orihara-kun, is it true that you stabbed your _friend_ the other day? You seriously stabbed your _only_ _friend_?"

Four days had passed since Kishitani Shinra had been unknowingly stabbed by a student named Nakura, and also four days since Orihara Izaya had asked him to let him take the blame for it. No charges had been pressed, but that didn't stop rumors from spreading around quickly, because nobody was aware of the truth behind those rumors, except for Shinra and Izaya.

A certain young short raven haired boy with rare auburn eyes looked up at two other students which had just asked him a question. It seem to be kind of irritating to himself, who was currently trying to read a book in the library, but he replied back anyway.

"Friend...? Yes, I did stab Kishitani Shinra, if that's who you're talking about? What about it? How do you even know?" He asked, straightforwardly.

\- _"Actually, that was a really dumb question. By now, rumors would be already spreading, so maybe a student overheard a teacher talking about it or something, and shared the details of what he heard said...? Unless it was was Kishitani-kun or Nakura-kun..."_

Those were the thoughts of that same said once-'alien' boy who had supposedly stabbed Shinra.

"Woah! I told you he wouldn't be phased! Yo! Aren't you even sorry? He's your friend, right? You're a really worthless and heartless friend, ne?" One of them asked.

"No. I'm not." He answered honestly. Sure, he felt responsible, but he hadn't actually _stabbed_ Shinra, so why should he feel sorry for _that?_ He _shouldn't._

"Is that all you have to say, Rumiko-kun?" He glared. Honestly, Nakura's little _stunt_ was suddenly becoming more problematic than it was worth.

"Man, you're insane!" The one assumed to Rumiko, whom he was looking at, suddenly remarked, laughing in a mocking tone. "I bet you've been using him this whole time, haven't you?"

"...It's not my fault that you think that." Izaya replied his finger twitching, still trying to read his book.

"Relax, we're not here here to make you angry. We're here to be your friends." The other one said, smiling.

"...Friends?" Izaya repeated, gazing up at them once again.

"Yeah, you seem like a cool guy, so we want to be your friend."

He knew what they wanted, because he understood humans well enough.

He wasn't interested in having friends, but this was... something else. He faked a smile.

"Sorry," he said. "but I'm really not interested in having friends at all right now, but I really sort of appreciate the offer, as I do understand how lonely you are, Rumi-chan. I can tell, ne?"

His heart was pounding fast in his chest at speaking in such a way, with such courage. It made him feel both alive and proud, though. He usually didn't have problems with bullies, but, once in a while, he _did_. Sometimes, depending on the situation, he would stand up to them, while most other times, he would just sit back and let the moment pass because there had always been an incomprehensible despondency in these types of situations, or even a feeling of anxiety, because he was being pulled away from things he would have rather wanted to do in peace, but not because they, themselves, technically hurt him. In fact, he, himself just couldn't feel hurt when he knew he should be.

Sometimes, he'd even tried to feel such feelings, but he just couldn't and came to the conclusion being frustrated at how different he was. But it was probably something subconscious, and wasn't as though he didn't 'want' to care, but just didn't even if he wanted to. He tried to care, tried to care for his parents, but they were never around. He tried to care about and 'value' himself, but he just couldn't feel any 'reason' to live other than the fact that was afraid to die. He never really understood the supposed 'happiness' of friendship, love, and life, couldn't grasp it, but did understand the feeling of having no control of a situation the feeling of weakness, and of fear. The feeling and despair and lack of understanding of not expecting a situation. He understood the "high" of getting that control back.

Just like back when his uncle and maternal grandparents had passed away, he had tried to care, had tried so hard it make him sick, but just _fucking couldn't_! He had cried, sure, but not because he sad or angry. It was only a result of the fact that he couldn't connect to it. He looked around him and saw everyone else crying. He just couldn't comprehend it with his heart, couldn't even begin to understand it with his mind even. The only reason he had cried was the fact that he hadn't expected it and didn't know how to take it. He felt like he was a horrible self centered person for it, but he just hadn't known what to think. He was afraid of dying, afraid of not knowing who he might loose next and that was all there was to it. He despised himself for it, but he felt glad, down deep, in knowing about his detatchment. Even though he truly wanted to connect to them, he was still thankful, because he knew that if he could grow attached to someone or even fall in love, and he lost them, he would break easily, so he was glad for that gift in that way.

Still, it wasn't like he just accepted it and that was it. He knew he had to keep those walls in place. He had to push people away, and keep them away. On the other hand, Because he could never 'hate' anybody or anything, he wanted to 'love' and accept anyone who was appreciative of who they were. He wanted to make them appreciate who they were because nobody else out there gave a damn nor appreciated the 'real them'. He wanted to understand everything about everyone, and wanted to listen to all sides of humans.

Even though it always been that way, it wasn't as though he was kind enough to set his love on one individual, because he knew how breakable he himself was and he also knew just how unfair it was that he could never actually 'feel true satisfaction' for anything, so he had decided to spite it and came to the ultimatum that he would have relationships, whether they were shallow or not.

Regardless, he was still afraid of losing himself even more if someone 'close to him' actually did die, and he envied people like Shinra, who had enough 'courage' to take a knife to the affections of someone he loved. He felt inferior to Shinra in that way and he hated it, but he did still respect him for it. He felt admiration, yet also envy of feeling that way. Perhaps it was Shinra's stabbing that had made him realize some of this, but, since that day, he began to fear two things even more than death.

-The thought of having 'friends' and the possibilty of a single person who decided to 'love' him, and the thought of himself, who couldn't understand 'love', much less concern, wanting a mutual understanding or connection with anybody just disgusted him in a way, because he never wanted to do either. He wanted everyone to be indifferent to him, and wanted to be nobody special. He wanted to be normal, have a 'normal' life, a few 'normal' and perhaps a little crazy friends, and 'appreciate' and 'charish' things in a 'normal' way like 'normal' people living 'normal' lives, for he knew already, that nobody had ever lived in such constant consternation, before, and, if they had, he felt for them. Even so, what was normal? And what was not normal? The answer was nothing and everything. He knew this, but he just knew he wasn't special, in reality, because everyone has their own insecurities, flaws and doubts. Everyone has their fears and stuff. And everyone has things they would never have even though they want it.

According to everyone else, he was amazing and had everything a person could ask for. A high IQ, plenty of money at his disposal, a nice shelter, 'loving' parents who were never around but watching over him from a far, athletic skills, writing skills, and so much more, so it wasn't fair to 'have his cake and eat it, too', was it. But he didn't see himself as being particularly that smart or talented or skilled, nor did he see other people as inferior to himself, but when people were wrong and he knew it, after analysing the situation, he always felt the urge to let them know they were wrong, as nobody is perfect in the world, and nor did they know everything. He knew what made people tick, as a result of yet another gift he'd be 'given'. "Observation skills" were a good thing, but it frustrated him because, unlike other people, he knew how they worked, therefor, it made him fear creating bonds even more. Ignorance is bliss, as the saying goes, and genius isn't everything.

He didn't see it as a talent, nor a blessing, nor anything else. Despite what everyone said, he actually had little faith in his own talents and was actually more doubtful in it, or maybe he just saw it as something he didn't need, because his mother, who gave him compliments in his art and talent and everything else before taking off yet again each time and never sticking around(along with his father), was hardly ever around to actually show appreciation for his existence, alone, even.

He only ever showed people his stuff for the temporary feeling of importance because he knew it was all he would get, even though he did like feeling appreciated, no matter what it was for. He loved feeling needed, so he wouldn't have minded being used.

Still, call it talent or not, he still felt like he had just been cursed with being a nearly perfect person. Nobody at all was supposed to ever be that 'perfect'. Simply put, he hadn't asked for it. He hadn't asked to have everything BUT the one thing he wanted most- a normal heart which couldn't break so easily, and that he could understand, which was more relevant to him than anything else, but he guessed... maybe he didn't deserve it because he had everything and because he didn't know how to be appreciative of it. He didn't know how to, so everything going on in his head was contradictory, in itself, to talk about, not think on, but life was contradictory and unfair as well, so it made sense to him.

On the other hand, he had accepted that that was just how it was to be, so there was no use in crying over spilled milk, he had laughed disgusted, several times about it.

He wanted to be able to understand and deal with emotions in a 'positive' and satisfying way, but simply couldn't, so why even try? It wasn't like he couldn't cry, but more like he wasn't allowed to cry, which was another thing he didn't understand, and he hated not understanding things especially when it was about himself, or his own mind. Actually, anything he wasn't able to grasp just frustrated him, so to know that his body wouldn't let him shed tears of all things, whenever he thought he might have needed to, just sickened him further.

So sometimes he 'laughed', not because he was sad, but, rather, it was the only thing he knew how to, and all he _could_ do. Let's just say that was his own body's natural reaction to practically anything he was feeling a lot of time, so maybe his eyes were the only key to knowing what he was feeling, if it was not something like pent up anxiety, and if the saying "the eyes are the pathway to the soul" was true. anything."

To top it off, though he didn't even know why, there was a detatched interest(no, obsession) in wanting to see how far people would actually go, including himself, and testing them, but never once could he have ever said he did actually 'care' for himself, (he was just afraid of death was all, and hardly ever got that worked up when people were bad mouthing him, unless they were saying stuff they knew nothing at all about. In those cases, he would just _love_ spending an eternity proving those kind of people utterly wrong. Unless he was was feeling unusually courageous, he usually just let them do what they wanted, because truth was, in some ways, he was a coward. Words were the exception with him, and could be used as a weapon against himself probably more than anybody else. They were his own tick, but only in the kind of way that just annoyed him.

But that wasn't saying they couldn't effect him in other ways. He just refused to accept that it would. Half the time, maybe he didn't get how, or in what way, they affected him, just that they did, somewhere down deep.

However, on this day, he just felt like testing these 'bullies', and seeing how weak they really were.

"Huh?" The male student named Rumiko inquired, obviously wondering if he had heard something wrong. "What are you talking about? Don't you mean that _I'm_ the one that can tell how lonely _you_ are? I-"

"Sorry, no. I didn't mean that. If you weren't lonely, you wouldn't be here so quick trying to drag someone you see as being just as lonely as yourself down with you. Don't worry, though~ I won't tell anyone, as I'm actually not commending you or degrading you, to be honest. So while I do appreciate the offer, I still have to refuse."

 _"Teme_..., wait, I bet you're afraid of getting hurt, aren't you? You're not even taking responsibility and nor are you seeing anything wrong with what you did. You're always detaching yourself like nothing anybody says or does has anything to do with you, and like it doesn't have any affect on, you, yet then you choose to act like you have a right mess in it. Bastard, cowards like yourself should go die."

"How can you be so _heartless~?_ " the other jeered.

"Come on, let's go," Rumiko suddenly said, seeing the dangerous glint in Izaya's eyes. "I know I don't want to get stabbed. Do you?"

"No, but why don't you go stab some other people, _cutter_?!"

"Orihara-kun-"

Right then, Izaya had wanted to do a lot, but was actually afraid to have their blood on his hands, and was also afraid of what his parents would think, so he held in his sudden disdain for him.

 _-"Did he know...?"_

"Orihara-kun?"

"Huh? Oh, sorry..., Shinra? What are you doing here?"

 _"How long has he been there? Did he see-?"_

"...Well," he finally spoke after pulling out some papers, with math formulas on them. "I came here to bring your classwork. By the way, I saw what that one guy called you before he left..."

"You did?" Izaya said, before taking the papers with a small thanks, even though he had decided he didn't need them. He didn't really care for school anymore except to observe.

 _"Well, that answered my question, right? It's like he was reading my mind or something."_

"Are you okay? It's not as though I really care or anything, but I'm doing the right thing by asking since you're suppose to be my friend and all. I want my love to praise me after all~"

"Yeah, I know. You keep repeating that. I'm already aware that you don't care. I'm already aware that hardly anybody cares for me, Shinra, but I'm fine with that, so why do you keep saying that, anyway?"

"Because I feel like discussing my love for my love openly to other people will help me soon understand of my feelings of her even more as I fantasize it. I'm even fine if she doesn't return them, because I-mnph!" Before Shinra could finish, Izaya suddenly put a hand over Shinra's mouth, sighing having heard more than he could take. He may love humans, but even he had his limits, especially when he had to hear the same thing everyday.

"I get it, okay? You've said it so many times, ne?"

"Oh? Are you sure you don't- Orihara-kun? Wow, did something happen to you arm?"

"What are you- Ah, it's nothing. Sorry, I just happen to remember something." Izaya had said, jerking his arm away from Shinra, before he could a closer look at the large bandage(or two) covering his right arm.

Whether Shinra believed him or not was up to question, as he was one person Izaya could never read.

"Hey, Shinra..."

"Hm?"

"...How are you so uninfluenced by humans, unlike me? I don't get what's with you."

"Because I'm not you, Izaya. Nobody is." Came the answer he had never wanted to hear, even though he had always known it was true and always told himself.

"...Haha... You're way too blunt Shinra-kun... I really do ask too many questions, though, don't I?"

"No, not at all, Orihara-kun. To be honest, you can ask me anything from now on, but especially if it has to do with my beautiful love!"

"Hah... thanks..."

 _"Yeah. Thanks, but I think I'm gonna pass on that one..."_

If anything, he rather just figure it all out on his own. _All_ of it.

Because it just made more sense that way.

And that's how it was meant to be, the boy decided. He couldn't change, no matter what he did, after all.

 _~End of Part 1 of Chapter..._

...

 _ **A/N: What do you think? Izaya's feelings in this wasn't actually that hard to write considering it's exactly how I feel, but there will be explanations for his development. Celty, on the other hand, was really hard to write for, so I hope I didn't disappoint you, ne?**_

 _ **Replies to reviews: (I'll do it at end of part 2 of this chapter.)**_


	10. Chapter 8 Part 2

**Read Between The Lines, Chapter 8 Part 2**

 **I don't own Durarara!/DRRR!**

 **Has any one seen the Durarara! AMV Trouble? That song is now stuck in my head. By the way, it's a head canon that Izaya can draw well, but sees nothing special about it, but that heacanon will play a small part in this story, so I hope you don't mind?**

 **\- 3 -**

* * *

Even though he had ultimately decided to figure things out on his own, it still didn't stop him from growing even more frustrated with the lack of satisfying answers and asking "why" more times than he could account for, but he refrained himself from ever asking another person for 'advice', and nor would he take their words to heart, because he'd feel even more pathetic asking someone instead of figuring it on his own as he always was supposed to. Hell, he didn't even know where to start to understand himself, and if he couldn't grasp, much less fill, that blasted void in his heart, _nobody_ could, so there was no point in even trying to do either, and that was probably another reason there a such a 'high' when he was around other people, but also a sense of envy that only continued to grow.

He had never thought much of being left out and relatively unnoticed until these most recent years. It was actually kind of ironic to himself. It wasn't as though he was particularly loved or hated, but he would have thought that he would have been noticed more in elementary school even.

Maybe it was because he was so quiet at times that people had referred to him as a bit an alien, but nobody in his classes ever felt inclined to strike up a conversation with him, unless they were looking for him or actually happened notice him and just so felt like they didn't want to eat alone. More or less, he knew that they all just wanted him there to boost their self images. Sure, there was one young girl who had approached him back in _Raijin Shougakkou,_ but she had been a bit of a mystery to even himself. Sadly, he had only known her a few days before she had moved away, just like there had probably been two other students who actually treated him with kindness but also had to transfer to another city due to 'circumstances'. However, wasn't hurt because he knew they were leaving when he met them, so he wouldn't have, and couldn't have, let himself grow attached.

If anything, he _was_ amused by the attention he received from the ones he _did_ receive it from, though, especially when they would fight over him and stuff. He had never thought to actually take it seriously because he still knew, all too much, that it was not him they were actually looking at, but just his popularity and reputations, because, on the exception of his classmates in his class, he rarely ever saw any of them again. He did wonder that if someone(he felt would be there) had taken his hand when he was a lot younger, would he turned out differently. He had assumed that it was possible, but didn't think much about it. In a way, he was kind of like some self-proclaimed 'shadow' from some anime in that way because of that _(((Congrats if you got that reference, btw. I commend you, really. :P)))._

However, now, he had started to ponder it, and didn't want to think about it, so he just had to distract himself. He couldn't stand the anxiety and constant questions swarming his head anymore, and, after one false move with a pair of scissors, he suddenly realized he could at least be in control of something. He didn't care what people thought of him anymore, could try to not care about being excluded as a result of his supposed 'apathy', didn't have to worry about expressing himself with words, because now he had one thing he didn't have to emotionally or psychologically understand

\- _Pain_.

And he loved it, because it was always there within reach if he wanted it, he didn't have to understand it, he didn't have to talk to it, it was wordless. He could easily calculate for it. In his life where he hadn't the slightest bit of real control, he felt under control of what he was thinking about and what was going through head. He was finally able to his attention to something else, and away from the things he didn't want to think about, because ha was a coward like that, and avoided the things he didn't want to deal with. He didn't want to think about that, so, just as he could understand the self inflicted pain, as far as he was concerned, it understood him, and he loved it. He was harmlessly able to truly not need to understand at least _something_ for a change, he had been blessed with it even, so he would take advantage of it, and show his appreciation for his first 'best friend' that let him feel just as lucky and 'alive' as everybody else, and would always be there until the day he died.

On the other hand, he wasn't ignorant, but found it stupid, as he knew how frowned upon his actions were, and, by force of habit, and out of subconscious fear of rejection and judgement, hid his cuts the best he could. Fortunately, he also had been doing a little research of his own in cosmetics, to be able to cover his scars from the view of anyone at a distance. Even up close, it would take someone a little bit of effort to realize that there was a bandage there, or if they touched it, especially if water got to it.(((I don't care what you all say. I believe it is possible, especially with skin colored I've done it, just it to experiment before.))

After Shinra had seriously asked him three times about it, he had gotten irritated, and decided that was the best way to do it, but had started wearing long sleeve jackets, just in case someone with an even keener eye than Shinra somehow happened to be looking him over and because he was a perfectionist; it would be distracting when he didn't want it to be, especially to himself in class.

It might have brought him fulfillment, but he also had had plans to make Nakura regret what he had done as long as he lived, and wasn't the type to want to break what he considered promises which was exactly why he had hardly ever made them. There was a fine line between lying and breaking a promise, as far as he was concerned.

If he made a promise and said that he would be somewhere or do something, he felt an ultimate obligation to do so, because he hated the thought of letting their high, albeit troublesome, expectations of him down. He didn't know why, but, even though he didn't 'care' for any specific individual, he still somehow 'feared' people looking down on him, so he had taken off with the same knife Nakura's had used to stab Shinra. He had made sure to keep it as a bit of a 'memento' to remind him of his goal. He had felt so indescribably worked up and out of control back then, felt weak because he hadn't calculated for it, and hadn't been able to think to do anything in time to prevent somebody else he had even somewhat accepted into his life, from protecting himself, whatever Shinra's actual 'motive' just so happened to be.

After all, it was him who started the gambling ring, so why had Shinra just had to interfere? It was indirectly his fault that the first 'friend' he had ever had got stabbed in the first place, because he hadn't known what to do. He had felt so inferior to the situation, and wouldn't dare let Nakura get away with it. Nakura was probably one person he realized truly disgusted him, but whom he would love using and mentally tormenting just as much. Shinra didn't deserve to get stabbed, nor had that ever been in his plans, yet he had went and thrown whatever sense of 'blissful ignorance' he had had in his life before that, even though he knew he was responsible for holding the gambling. Nakura, however, was just as to blame as himself, for he hadn't made him gamble off his parents money.

He, himself, on the other hand was just trying to make money. That's all there was to it. It wasn't as though he had forced or even suggested for anybody to gamble. They had all came there of their own free will, and Nakura had freely choose to steal money from his father without thinking of this consequences before hand. It wasn't his fault people were like that. Hell, if Nakura really needed money, he sure hadn't talked to anybody about it, had he? On the other side, he didn't know the other's parents, nor the situation, so he refused to really judge him to speak of, but he hadn't appreciated being made to feel the way the way he had, so the thought of making him regret it just made him smirk with a sick anticipation.

Hell, he wouldn't dare accept having any more friends from then on. That much was for sure.

"I'm sorry... Orihara-kun... I didn't intend to come in. This door is um... messed up." Shinra said, a few weeks following the 'bullying' incident, after 'accidentally' walking in on Izaya who was changing out of his shirt. He had been outside for a while running and was now drenched in sweat.

"Kishitani-? S-Shit...!" He hissed in pain, as his arm had suddenly got caught on a sharp area of his jacket. He had never imagined it to be possible, but it evidently was, and had just happened to happen to him. _"Of course, this WOULD be my luck today, wouldn't it..? Oh well, he already suspected something, anyway, so no use in crying over spilled milk now...! Damn it!"_

"Your banda... Orihara-kun, I'll help you." Shinra offered, running up to him. _"He has a lot more bandages now. Hmm... Before, I think he only had two..."_

"No, I-" before he could even pull away or protest, Shinra reached out and ripped off the bandage not caring when Izaya momentarily wincing in pain. Gazing over the other's arm, however, He smiled shakily at Izaya's sudden silence. They were both immediately glued to the spot, and the raven was not looking up anymore.

"I knew you were hiding something, but I... I'm sorry... I never guessed it was this."

"You seriously didn't have to do that."

"Well, you wouldn't have answered me if I hadn't, ne?"

"Anyway, go ahead and judge me, because I really couldn't care less, Shinra..."

"...Who said anything about judging you for it? It's not like I'd shun for tearing you arm to pieces. I would never do that, to be honest. I really don't care one way or the other about what you do or what you're like as long you don't get in between my-sorry... I just think you don't handle your emotions very good, if you want an honest opinion..."

"Okay? No, I _don't_ handle or understand my emotions well at all! I already know that! I already know _all_ of that, but how do dare you suggest I handle them, instead? Talk it out or write it out? _Get real._ I'm not good with words like you, and who would ever even want to sit down listen to someone like me, anyway? Find another coping skill? That's completely impossible if everything I do, _except_ for bleeding, is the source of the problem in the first place, after all. You don't understand what your talking about at all, Kishitani Shinra...!" Izaya snapped, glaring at him.

"No, I don't, because I'm not you. It's up to yourself to find a better coping skill, but _I_ wouldn't mind listening..."

"What...? What are you talking about, now?"

"I wouldn't mind reading anything you decide to write, or listening to anything you have to say." Shinra offered, smiling, catching Izaya's sudden attention at that.

"After all, wouldn't it be a real shame if I lost you, my second friend ever~?! Although... I _would_ have _just_ lost a friend is all, ne~? As long as I have my love, I'm fine, but maybe one day you'll fall in love, too, Orihara-kun!" The brunette smiled at the though.

"You're way too blunt..., but... do you really think so?"

"Yeah," Shinra nodded. "I do. You may love humans a lot, but you would love that person even more than anybody else."

"...Actually, when you put it that way, it's impossible. I love all humans the same, no exceptions..."

"Keep thinking that and you're just gonna prove yourself wrong, Orihara-kun~"

"Yeah, whatever you say." the said raven haired boy rolled his eyes, obviously unconvinced.

"Hey, do you mind if I patch that up for you?" Shinra inquired, referring to Izaya's torn up arm.

"Tch, no thanks, Shinra... I can do it myself. I don't need anyone's help... I am a fully capable being, alright?"

"Whatever you say~! See you later then, Orihara-kun~!"

Izaya glared a bit behind him, as he finally left the bathroom.

 ** _Present day_**

"I actually told a teacher about it because he wouldn't listen to my reasoning, but he some how managed to convince all of them otherwise." Shinra sighed, his face red, from being upside down like he had.

 _[He always has had a way with words, and is actually a really convincing liar...]_

"I have to agree with that one, but Orihara-kun says he lies to himself, as well, so maybe he doesn't understand his own emotions very well, or something like that, and possibly even misinterprets them to be something else. That's what I think. He probably also misunderstands them, too."

 _[That makes sense, I guess... Thank you for being honest with me, Shinra.]_

"Well, anything for my beloved Celty, but... you get me down? I feel like.. I'm going to... faint? Plea...se?"

 _Crash_.

 _[Ah! I'm so sorry! I forgot!]_

"...Anything for my beloved... honey Celty..." a perverted expression appeared on the doctor's face, and Celty sighed, briefly stroking him on the top of the head.

 _[You really are a handful, you know that...?]_

"Ah, but that's why Celty loves me, right?"

 _~ End of Chapter_

* * *

 _ **A/N: Shinra, you masochist... xD**_

 _ **What do you think? I hope it was somewhat fulfilling Shizu-chan should be back next chapter.**_

 _ **Replies to Review:**_

 _ **Lulu: I believe in that Shinra, too. Only problem is keeping him that way.**_

 _ **reedleonn: You really think so? Thanks! I think I fixed some of those errors.**_

 _ **inlovewithshizaya: I'm glad you're still reading! :3**_

 _ **Guest: Izaya is a little messed up in the head, isn't he...? But that's why I love him! Let's hope he does soon, ne~? ^^**_  
 _ **Why must Izaya always get blamed for everything, when he is actually just an innocent cinnamon roll? He did nothing wrong at all! ;A;**_

 _ **anon: You think so? I glad that to know wasn't bad ^^ And Shizu-chan should be back next chapter, so stay tuned~ ^^**_

* * *

 _ **Optional 'funny' dialogue behind the scene scene, sort of...**_

"Wait, dude, did Kishitani just go into the bathroom that Orihara is in?!"

"No way! Is he _gay_? I-"

"Don't even start it! There's no way he can be! I hear him constantly talking about a twisted love for some woman something, so he simply can't be."

"Damn you! Don't ruin my fantasies! They're mine!"

"Ow! That hurt, you fucker!"

"There are so many things wrong with all of you... Why can't you just be mature, and read into the lines a little...? People's fantasies never do cease to amaze me, though, I have to admit..."


	11. A Note

Hey, guys. In the past day, I've been through a lot. My brother is in the hospital for nearly trying to kill a child(after evidently premeditating it for a while, he may have bipolar disorder(not judging you if you do), I'm trying to clean the whole house which is in a mess(in case DSS decides to show up), my mom has been _really_ stressed as of late, my anxiety has been tearing me up(badly), and my dog went missing(still is), as well as the occurrence that I'm about to try to transfer to another college, and a while ago my grandmother nearly broke her wrist and all of her fingers. Saturday, I have a meet-up with some friends all day, and because of what my brother did(even though I'm a complete separate adult, I've been knocked out of being allowed to go to the best thrift stores around, so don't be surprised if I don't update for a while, or at least a while after that.

I apologize for any inconveniences.

Thank you.


	12. Chapter 9 Part 1

_**Story: Read Between the Lines, Chapter 9, Part 1**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!/DRRR!**_

 _ **My Vorona(Varona)sucks terribly, I know, but this was my first time ever writing for her so please cut me some slack, ne? ;_;**_

* * *

"...Um... Shizuo? Are you okay? You're kind of worrying me with your silence."

"I sense that Shizuo-senpai is in what you humans would call 'distress'. I suggest drinking water and talk will come you down."

"Ah? Sorry, no, I'm fine, really. I'm okay, but I just haven't able to think straight at all the past few days, is all..."

Shizuo, a Russian blonde woman known as "Vorona" or rumored to be "Shizuo's man" and their employer Tom, were currently walking through Ikebukuro side by side. Two days had passed since Shizuo had talked to Shinra and had learned a little "something" about the doctor's past with his own nemesis, Orihara Izaya.

Originally, he had wanted to reconfront Izaya, but after having met up with a certain Russian store owner known Simon or "Simeon" to ask questions, Shizuo had decided to let Izaya have some space for a little while and to think about what to do on his own and think over everything up to then in his life. The other man had told him to do something like "act on heart, not on fist", and Simon had always seemed to know both him and Izaya fairly well, so, whether he fully knew of the situation or not, he trusted both the pacifist and his judgement on things like this, because he 'just knew'.

"Do you think about something that keep mind away from job? Such as bug that holds need to be squashed. Do you still desire to exterminate the human being known as Orihara Izaya, whom you refer to as 'Flea', because I will gladly do so if asked." Varona looked at him with a straightfaced expression and a tenge of concern in her eyes.

Over the time she had got to know Shizuo and Tom, and had became acquainted with the lifestyle in Japan, she'd began to find a sense of 'discomfort' in seeing him frustrated or when he was 'distressed'.

And she had finally just concluded that it was what one would call being "worried". While she did find it to be a distraction, she had no clue on how to remove it from her awareness, and could not focus on admiration for her senpai's strength otherwise.

"...No..., it's fine. You'd still remember something like that...? Anyway, look, you don't need to worry yourself with all that, Vorona..., okay? I'm really fine. I promise." Shizuo reassured her, patting her on the head, receiving an odd look from her at that point.

"Shizuo-senpai..., if I may ask, please do not lie to me." Vorona said, reaching up to touch his hand.

"Lying? What are you-" Shizuo started to say, before he suddenly cut himself off. He didn't want to worry her. Now he felt horrible suddenly. This was the first time he had ever-

"It is true. You are not hurt physically, for you contain no injuries. Yet I have seen many expressions on human's faces, from bloodcurtling fear to anger to what is known as happiness or 'bliss'. Please be honest with me. If there is no wish to talk, I shall always understand, but I will always be willing to just listen if you request it, Shizuo-senpai."

"I..." he really didn't know what to say, and smiled. "Thank you, a lot..., Vorona, but it's something, perhaps, kind of personal, I guess... It's hard to believe you would ever be able to understand all of it, and, besides, I'd really prefer to protect you from some of the things in this world, is all."

"Hey," he then looked over at his own 'senpai' from middle school or junior high school. Tom-san...? I kinda wanted to talk to you about something later, if that's okay?"

"Hm? Yeah, sure, that's fine." The man with dreadlocks looked up at Shizuo, smiling a bit, shrugging, but also seemingly concerned for the one whom he saw as being sort of like an older or younger brother, circumstances considered.

"Thanks..." Shizuo mumbled. "Both of you, it means a lot that you're here... "

 _-"Otherwise, I'd be alone, just like Izaya... About him..., what do I even do...? Maybe I could talk to Kadota? But where would I even find him? I'm not that great when it comes to connecting to people... I don't know what to say or do... Damn it...!"_

"...Tom-san, can I-" Shizuo started to ask, but was suddenly cut off before he could finish.

"Yeah, go ahead, take a break." Tom nodded, smiling a bit, and patting him on the shoulder, obviously already having known what he was going to ask.

"...Well, are you sure about that?" Shizuo inquired, unsure of himself.

"Yeah. Don't worry, I'll figure things out for a while. We _do_ have Vorona here, after all, remember? Just don't be gone too long, alright?"

"Yes, I agree with Tanaka-senpai. I shall handle problems, myself, if there is need for fight back."

"Thanks for that, Tom-senpai, Vorona..." he said, scratching the back of his neck, turning around a bit.

"No problem."

"It is nothing." Vorona said, obviously trying to imitate improper language she had heard elsewhere.

"Tch. You're something else, you know that...?" Shizuo uttered, semi-amused as he tried to repress a smirk, before holding up his hand and nudging the top of her head a bit in a sort of caressing manner.

"See you later?" Tom inquired, sighing softly, with a small smile of his own.

Shizuo nodded, and, turning around, waved a bit.

"Yeah. I'll see you again in a little while, unless something terrible comes up like me getting charged for murder or some shit like that."

"U-um..." unfortunately, yet possibly fortunely at the same time, Shizuo had already left before Tom had fully processed what Shizuo had just said. "w-wait... Was that intended to be a joke...? Haha... I guess so... _I hope so..._ "

"Shizuo-senpai is not very good 'comedian', I take it?" Vorona noted in question.

Tom sighed, smiling nervously for a moment. "Yeah, not really..."

 _~End of Chapter part 1_

* * *

 _ **A/N: I know it's not a lot, but this was really hard for me to write, and I've still been really stressed, but I had already started this a little while ago, so I posted it. It would help a lot to hear if you think I did good or not, even on this part.**_

 _ **Even if I have not replied to your comments on the previous authors note, I've read all of them and I greatly appreciate your support and understanding in my situations. A lot of stuff is still going on so I still don't know when I'll next be able to update.**_

 _ **Thank you.**_


	13. Chapter 9 Part 2

_**Story: Read Between the Lines, Chapter 9 Part 2**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!/DRRR!**_

...

"Where did she go...? Sonohara-san? Ah... How did I loose sight of her?! She was with me just a minute ago..., but she suddenly disappeared... I hope she's okay... A-ah! I'm so sorry... I..."

Ryuugamine Mikado, the founder of a once mysterious color gang, known as the Dollars, had been walking around with a female figure named Sonohara Anri who also happened to be the host of a demon sword known as Saika, and, though Mikado had known about it for a while, it didn't phase him because he loved Anri. He couldn't help but wonder where she had went, as she had just suddenly disappeared from his sight.

Bumping face first into someone's hard chest, he was knocked back a bit, looking up to see who it was.

 _"Blond hair, purple sunglasses, and bartender outfit... Oh, crap! It's Shizuo-san!"_

"Sh-Shizuo-san, I'm so sorry!" He exclaimed, bowing apologetically.

Shizuo looked down at him, briefly meeting the boy's eyes.

"Oh, no, it's fine. accidents happen. Don' worry about it."

He slightly waved his hand dismissively, not bothered by it. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, u-um... Yeah, I'm okay. Thank you. By the way...," Mikado stuttered a bit nervously."you haven't seen Sonohara-san around here anywhere, have you?"

"Who?" inquired Shizuo, not quite remembering the name.

"Sonohara Anri-san..." Mikado blushed a bit awkwardly, scratching his cheek. "She was the one in the bunny costume you saved several years ago..."

"Oh," Shizuo then uttered in realization. "you're talking about your girlfriend! No, I don't think I've seen her. I'll be sure to keep an eye out and let her know you're looking for her, though, alright?"

"I-I... forget it... Thank you, Shizuo-san. Um," Mikado had bowed, but suddenly noticed Shizuo's expression. "if I may ask, though, is something the matter?"

"Huh? What are you talking about? You could actually tell?" Shizuo seemed surprised by this.

"I may not look it, but I'm really fairly well at reading into things sometimes."

"I see... Ryuugakire, thanks, but-"

"I know what you're about to say, and I feel like I might can give you advice, so please let me listen. I may not be that great at relating, but I want to do this. By the way, my name isn't Ryuugakire... It's Ryuugamine." Mikado said slightly nervously, catching the blonde's attention.

Not very many people had ever offered, and insisted, to talk to him when he was worried about something. Still, he did know that Mikado had deep ties with the gang called the Dollars, and the fact that he had them meant that he probably also...

"...You know the flea, right? Black hair, brown furlined black summer coat, mocking smirking and about a foot shorter than me?" He found it pointless to deprive the boy of the talk if he really wanted to, and his eyes told him he did.

"Um, yes. You mean Izaya-san, right?" Mikado was surprised he was clearly able to say the nickname without breaking something but kept that to himself. Shizuo didn't seem notice it.

"So you do know him, then..." Shizuo noted, momentarily taking a puff of his cigarette.

"What's your opinion of him?"

"...Eh?" Mikado looked up at him, once again taken off by the man in the bartender outfit's question. The blonde asked, so he spoke and didn't hold back yet again. "Well, Izaya-san... is strange, but I'd have to say I respect him."

Once more, he utterly expected to be hurled into a nearby window just by implying that Izaya wasn't a bad person, considering how much he hated him. Shizuo actually seemed to be listening to someone about the guy for once.

"Well, it's not the really like I support all of the decision's he's made, but he's helped a lot of people whether he wants to admit it or not. Do you remember that summer fesival we had several years ago? When you were selling chocolate bananas?"

Shizuo nodded after a moment. "Oh, yeah, the stand that Tom-san was helping me at."

"Yeah. Izaya-san set that whole thing up. I was talking about it on the Dollars website, and he put it all together without me even knowing. He claimed he was doing it for his own gain and entertainment, but everyone was happy in the end, so I still think he did it to be nice."

"He actually did that...? Yo, can you tell me what else he's done?" Shizuo was suddenly interested in what all this boy had to say about him, and whatelse Izaya had done.

"I'll be glad to do that, but, first, I want to know if something happened to Izaya-san? I'm kind of worried. I haven't seen him for a while. I saw him the other day, but then he disappeared again." Mikado wanted him to be honest and Shizuo seemed to be able to tell that Mikado was the type who could keep a secret.

"Can we talk about this in a less crowded area?"

Mikado would have texted Anri and left before now had someone not snatched his cell phone. "Sure, but where do you want to go?"

"Um... Are you hungry? What about Russian Sushi?"

"I like that place okay, so yeah. We can go there," Mikado nodded, following behind him.

"You know, I think that's actually one of the only places I've seen Izaya-san eat at." He said suddenly.

"You're kidding. I thought he likes eating out everywhere." Shizuo scoffed.

"There may be places he's not really that welcome at, considering how he tends to push his luck at times. But Simon-san and Dennis-san seem to know you and him well, so I don't know." Mikado spoke honestly.

"It would make sense. I always keep telling him to leave me alone, but he keeps coming back to irritate the shit out of me."

"Hm... I think Izaya-san just wants to be friends with you, or something more, but he's also afraid you'd reject him, and both of you think you're just completely incompatible for each other, so you've never cared to give things a chance. I don't think he's ever really had true friends before, and nobody has probably ever tried to be really friendly with him other than me _((and, in a way, Miyoshi *cough cough*))_ and don't give up, because he probably doesn't know what to think about his feelings or how to handle them, so he's likely afraid of them. I think he gets scared when people are suddenly ahead of his plans to keep them away, and I don't believe he actually hates you at all, otherwise you would be dead right now. He would have poisoned you long ago, Shizuo-san." Mikado finished the sentence in a note, so straightfaced that Shizuo swallowed a bit at realization.

However, before Shizuo spoke, Mikado continued.

"Also, you're a lot stronger physicially and emotionally than he is. If I'm not mistaken, isn't he one of the only people who doesn't seem to be afraid of you? To be completely honest with you, I think you should be grateful he didn't shun you like a lot of other people have. He tends to say that loves humanity, but I think he's actually just accepted it all in a way. He's never intended to hurt much of anyone, from what I've observed. Have you ever asked him why he seems to try to provoke you all the time? Why you're the only one he bothers to keep alive and grab the attention of every other day? Why he always seems to try causing problems for you? I think he may be angry at you, possibly of something you misunderstood about him and vise-versa."

"You know...," Shizuo mused, placing a hand over his chest where he'd been cut the first day him and Izaya met and fought. "you're right... I never really thought about it that way... Tch... Are you... a friend of his?"

"No, not really... He did cause a lot of problems for Kida-kun and Sonohara-san, but I can't hate him, either, and I respect his ability to let people who have hurt him just go on as always. "in the long run, Kida-kun was also able to come to terms with his feelings for Saki-san thanks to him. By the way... have you heard of Suicide pacts...?"

"Um... yeah. Where people meet up to commit suicide? That's some shit to discuss. Oi, why are you bringing that up?"

"Celty-san once told me about it some stuff and how Izaya had a part in some of that. There was this one girl in one of my highschool classes who had had met up with him planning to die, but Izaya told her she didn't actually want to die, and scared her straight as the end result. Celty told me she thinks he knew she would save her. To get more details on it, you'd have to ask Celty-san, but, the point I'm trying to make is, I think Izaya doesn't know how to talk about his feelings or emotions very well. And doesn't like to believe he cares about people, because he wants to love all humans equally, so he helps them out in brutal ways, turning them against him in the end, but it still helps them in the long run. While he may not seem like the best person to have around, and while it may not seem like he cares much if he's included in things or not, I believe he's actually affected more than he lets on. You know, I think it would mean a lot to him if he were actually invited to something for once. In a way, humanity hates him, even though, he's helped a lot of people whether they knew about it or not. That's what I believe."

When Mikado finished speaking, they had started walking again, and were a little ways away from approaching the sushi shop at this point. Shizuo had been listening and didn't know what to say at this point. "Thanks... for telling me that, Ryuukamune."

He ruffled the younger man's hair, smiling a bit.

"It's Ryuugamine...," Mikado said, blushing a bit awkardly, still wondering if Shizuo was going to attack him for taking Izaya's side on this. "but, Shizuo-san, I know this. Izaya-san wants to be acknowledged by you, whether he knows it or admits it or not. Promise me you'll try to get to understand where he's coming from."

"Yeah, don't worry. I'm planning to try if it's possible. No, scratch that. I will whether he likes it or not."

"I have to agree with him. You two really should make up to each other. Ikebukuro would be a lot better off without street signs flying everywhere to be honest." someone said behind them.

They turned around to meet the eyes of a former classmate and friend of Shizuo's and semi-friend of Mikado's.

"Kadota, what are you doing here?" Shizuo asked.

"Yumasaki and Karisawa wanted me to come and eat with them. They told me to meet them at Russian Sushi." The bean hat wearing man explained.

"Oh, I see..." Shizuo said simply.

"Wow, what a coincidence, we're actually going there, too." Mikado told him.

"You are? Well, I guess I'll invite you all to sit and eat with us if you want. I'm sure they won't mind." Kadota offered.

"Yeah, that's fine. Thanks. And, kid, I'll pay for yours." Shizuo told Mikado.

"A-ah? No! You really don't have to! I can p-pay!" Mikado insisted, shaking his head.

"Relax. Isn't it common courtesy to accept a gift?"

"Well, I... if you really want to... Thank you, Shizuo-san." Mikado smiled a bit.

Shizuo smirked, patting him on the back. "Come on."

...

 _Ring._

 _Ring._

 _Bang._

 _BAng._

 _BANG._

"Namie, my dear secretary, back-slash-housewife, will you answer that?"

"Do it yourself." Izaya requested, typing something on his computer, before looking up to meet the glare he'd been being faced with for the past fifteen minutes since returning home. Said woman was obviously still angry that he wasn't being completely honest and wasn't letting her in, but he just didn't understand why.

"Hm? You see, I thought I hired you for this kind of thing-"

The glare grew even more intense and malicious. Izaya sighed, smiling. "but I suppose I'll make an exception just this once, if you so kindly insist~"

At opening the door, however, he frowned. "What are you doing here? Look, I'm busy, you two, so bother me some other time, will you?"

Standing there were his sisters, Kururi and Mairu. Mairu glared, while Kururi remained as calm as ever.

When they saw him try to close the door, Mairu stopped it with her boot.

"Iza-nii, we're not letting you off the hook this time! You kept ignoring our calls!"

"I see. Fine, come in, but don't bother me. I have a job."

 _~End of Chapter_

 _..._

 _ **A/N: I think it's about time Mairu and Kururi came in, and sorry if Mika-puu seemed out of character, but I really did try, and anyway, he seems to have those kind of couragous moments anyway. What do you all think? I hope this was a good chapter. I'm kind of sad because nobody's been reviewing for a while It's not like I love to hear from my readers or anything... *sob* -**_

 _ **By the way, the festival and chocolate bananas thing was a reference to the Minidura manga.**_


	14. Chapter 10

_**Story: Read Between the Lines, Chapter 10**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!/DRRR!**_

* * *

"Iza-nii, why do you keep ignoring our calls?! Answer us!" Izaya strolled back to his desk, trying to act like he was ignoring the two demons that were currently following behind him, and the look of amused and smug curiosity he was receiving from Namie.

"Stop shouting. You're annoyingly loud, Mairu." Izaya growled, barely dodging a sudden high-kick from Mairu.

"Brother, are you okay?" Kururi asked softly.

"What are you talking about? If I'm well enough to dodge Mairu's high-kick, I would honestly have to think so, ne?"

"You know what she means, Iza-nii!"

"Ah? Do I~?" Izaya deadpanned, sitting back down at his laptop, clearly not caring to answer.

"Sorry~! I don't think I do!" He chimed smugly.

"Take away his computer until he's honest..." said Kururi. Naturally, Izaya didn't care to pay attention until the device he was currently typing on started to be pulled out from beneath him. He quickly caught and secured it from falling, until someone grabbed him from behind and pulled him back away from it and the large device was snatched from his grip.

"Good idea, Kuru-nee!" Mairu grabbed the computer, with a wide and mischievous grin on her face.

"Mairu, what are you doing with that?" Izaya asked quickly, giving her a rather reasonably untrusting look.

"Who knows, but I think it'd be kind of fun to set a computer on fire, don't you think, Kururi?"

"Hm." Kururi silently agreed, holding Izaya back with a straight face. Color immediately drained from his face. He didn't particularly want to hurt his sisters at all, but there just so happened to be extremely tedious documents on that hard-drive all the same. What to do? Crap.

They must have had influences from Kadota's friend, a certain arsonist named Yumasaki Walker. That he was sure. _Shit_.

"Mairu, you wouldn't do that to your dear brother, now would you? I've done a lot for you."

Mairu begged to differ, holding up a lighter to the bottom of the computer. Izaya knew she would and cursed his weak arms. They had never completely healed since Shizuo had broke them, and the recent injury caused by the same person had only recreated said injuries and made them that much more useless to defend himself with.

"Oh, believe me. I will."

"Iza-nii is no better for lying to us. Quit hiding things... We'll find it out anyway..."

"A little help here, Namie-san...?" Izaya glanced over at his secretary half-hopeful she would step in.

However, she only smirked. "Sorry, it's not part of my job to help you get out of predicaments with your family when you are to blame for it."

"But I got you out of one. It was a bad one, too, ne, Namie-san? I'll pay you." Izaya reasdoned desperately.

Namie actually couldn't help but find it amusing how childishly insistent he was acting.

"And I'll have to thank you for that some day, won't I? You really are desperate, aren't you? Why don't you just be honest with then, then? They are your sisters. I'm sure they'd let you go." Namie smiled slyly.

"You really _aren't_ getting a raise, _now_." Izaya rebuked.

"And I wasn't expecting one." Namie retorted calmly.

Izaya felt humiliated and under pressure right now. As if talking about his own weak and petty emotions was something he could just do easily without making his sisters and everyone else hate him even more. Not that he really cared out that, but he was suppose to be calm and collected, but he wasn't.

"You two really don't understand anything at all, do you? The ignorance of humans can be so blissfully amusing, but also so annoying. Why the hell are you all doing this to me, really?"

"Because you're never honest with us!"

"Honest, huh~? You keep uttering that same word over and over again! Tell me what it honestly means, anymore already, will you, my humans? HAHAHAHA! Who even gives a shit about being _honest?_ Not very many people, Mairu! This is true for _all_ types of situations. Don't you know?! People will say they're on your side and then betray you just like that! Hell, wouldn't someone like you all know that~? You want honesty so badly? Well, I'll actually give you it to you for free this time because I'm such a 'nice person' like that. _Nothing_ in this world is free, ne? _Nothing_ in this world comes without a price, _including_ honesty. That's what's wrong with this world, after all, ne? Everybody lies and every single person hides things! So tell me this. What's the difference if I lie because I'm just trying to protect myself from pain, hm? That really is my problem, or, I suppose, _your_ problem? You don't understand anything, _none_ of you do! Humans are selfish, even me! Everything I've done is all for myself, you see? I'm just lying because I'm just a selfish coward, don't you know, Namie, Mairu, Kururi? Hasn't Shizu-chan even once mentioned it to you before now? I've only ever used anybody to keep you all away, so quit trying to get in the way of my only defense mechanism, will you?! I really don't like it. I hate all of you!"

"That was a lie too, wasn't it, Iza-nii?"

"You're getting the point? Great, now I-" Izaya had just realized his mistake.

"See, Iza-nii, you do have a heart. You're just as human as us. We know it isn't your fault you're afraid, but-"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, but you're so annoying. Will you please give me back my computer?"

"Hmm, I don't know if I should. Should I, Namie-san?"

"I honestly don't think he's being completely honest with you two. I believe there's something he's still hiding. Have you-"

"Don't you dare tell them or I'll make sure you regret it, Namie-chan." Izaya warned Namie smoothly, who only smirked in response,obviously suddenly not that scared of him.

"I swear I-"

"Oh, I'm sorry our brother has such a big mouth. What was that, Namie-san?" Mairu smiled sweetly, covering Izaya's mouth with a strong hand.

"It's really fine, girls. Your brother can be quite rude at times, but I'm actually fairly used to it, so you don't need to apologize. I'd actually feel bad having such a brother." said Namie. Izaya glared at her, mentally cursing her with all his might for talking about him as if he was a child.

What was the pertent of of a chance that looks could kill again? _Damn it._

"Oh, it's not all that bad, and we don't really hate Iza-nii, but he's really stubborn, wouldn't you agree, Kuru-nee?" Mairu smiled.

"Brat."

Glancing around at all of them, Izaya didn't understand them. Why were they doing this to him? Were they trying to do this to spite him? Or just to remind him of how small he was...?

They were pissing him off and it was utterly frustrating to him.

He was surrounded.

They were gazing down on him.

The situation was out of his control.

And he didn't know how to react, or know what to do; couldn't comprehend how to deal with it.

He couldn't speak.

Damn it, what part of his warning to stay out of his business did they not understand?

 _What the hell?_

Who were these people to dare tell him to pointlessly "talk" about his annoying feelings while putting him in such a situation?!

Hah! How dare they?!

"You don't understand anything I said at all, do you? As if you know me! _None_ of you do! So really now, just quit prying already, will you? All of you really are so damn annoying~!" He had suddenly managed to break his mouth from Mairu's hand, and began glaring at all of them with terror, yet, somehow, a sick amusement.

And that's when he showed up; when _Heiwajima Shizuo_ came into the room. Damn, the ex-bartender was being unpredictable yet again! How dare he do that now, when he, himself, was in such a weak state? Or had he finally came to finish him like last time?

In a way he hoped so. He didn't particularly want to die, but he certainly wouldn't fight back this time. Hell, he decided he would embrace it sense it was Shizuo.

After all, none of them were suppose to see this side of him. Namie wasn't suppose to witness him being so incompetent, his sisters weren't suppose to see their calm and collected older brother as broken and unstable as he actually was, and Shizuo, his rival and enemy and the person wanted to acknowledge him the most deep down, was absolutely never suppose to see him so vulnerable. He wasn't weak! He was suppose to be their god! He was suppose to stand above them! He was suppose to be strong and uneffected by these specific people, especially.

He had opened up to some over the past few years, but these were not those said people. He wouldn't dare make exceptions. He could never do such a thing, because of the many possible turnouts. He didn't care what they said. They were never around before, so why now, other than to make him feel pathetic?

"Izaya-san-"

He wouldn't allow it, even if they were right and he _wasn't_ in the right mind.

"Oi, Izaya-" Not even Shizuo should have an influence on him at this point. He simply refuse to allow it. He wasn't allowed to allow it. Period.

"Calm down... Calm down, already! I'm not this weak...! Calm-let me go, Kururi! Can't you see I'm fine, already?!"

"Iza-" Kururi began to speak, but was suddenly pushed back, falling to the floor, along with Mairu.

"Oi, Izaya!"

"Burn that damn computer! Seeing if I fucking care, Mairu! It's not like you'll listen otherwise, is it? Here, I'll even help you, ne?!" Izaya growled, snatching the computer from the longer haired twin's grip, about to throw the laptop at them, when two different hands suddenly caught his.

"Let me go! They want to destroy my laptop if I don't talk about some shitty emotions which I'm not suppose to have, so I just might as well throw it out the window, ne? Why not make them happy, huh?!"

"Trust me, you'll regret it, and I refuse to deal with you moping later on because you've lost all of your files. Besides, don't you think that they'll just find more things to threaten you with?" Namie pointed out, putting immediate distaste into his mouth at realization that she was right.

"Izaya, quit doing shit like that, already. You're scaring the hell out of sisters!" Shizuo snapped, but Izaya was surprised to hear that there was no malice coming from the brute's voice for once, which wasn't right at all.

"Well, now I'm like you then, _aren't_ I? I'm leaving... if you'll let go, please?" He snarled, trying to pull loose only to discover that they wouldn't let go.

"And I won't throw the laptop, alright? Are you happy now?" Izaya hissed, smirking sourly.

"No." They both answered in unison, much to his dismay.

"What do you want, Shizuo? And Namie? Because I'm not going to talk. Go ahead and torture me, why don't you?! Just see how much you get out of me, ne? Alas, it'll be the best time of my life!" Izaya challenged, with a crazed amusement at the thought.

"I might could love you even more in different ways if you were both sadists! I bet I sound crazy, don't I?"

"What-?" Shizuo started to ask, slightly taken off by his comment, but was cut off by Namie.

"You think I'd do something foolish like that? You're a masochist, Izaya. You love pain, don't you?"

"No, not particularly, but I do love to observe the expressions on people's faces! I suppose there is a saying that curiosity killed the cat even though they have nine lives, ne? Quite honestly, physical pain is a true friend of mine, is all. I love it, just like I love my humans. In a way, I am afraid of it, but I can embrace because it's always been there without words, unable to judge. It can temporarily distract me from thoughts I don't want to think about, and, because of it, I have all the control I could wish for! Go ahead, call me weak, and tear me down more! It'll be fine, because I'll still love you all the same! Even you, Shizu-chan, even though I still hate you!"

It was no matter. After all, he could just hate himself more later on. Self-inflicted masochism really was truly addicting to him in that way whether it was fun or not. And he didn't care to change it because it was already a part of him.

"Look, we just want you to say something completely honest for a change without twisting it. If not for us, then do it for yourself, why don't you? Since you're so selfish and all. Quit bouncing around everything and smirking like some shitty psychopathic and uncaring flea as if you're completely fine if you're not one and your not okay. Nobody's completely okay, especially not us, so that kind of shit just really pisses me off about you whenever you do it. Quit pulling that crap already, yeah?" Shizuo said, catching Izaya's attention. Namie was surprised by the fact that he actually seemed to be listening to someone for the first time. Or maybe he was just observing things so he could just twist the other's words and 'prove Shizuo wrong' in the end.

"...I don't know what you're saying. I thought I already answered all of this shit. What-" spat Izaya quietly.

"Flea, what I'm asking is," Shizuo began speaking again before he could finish his sentence, his brown eyes meeting Izaya's redish brown eyes from behind his purple sunglasses. "do you _want_ to talk about what all is going through your head, or not?"

"I-"

" _Yes_ , or _no_?"

"No. I..." he muttered irritated, looking down, his silky black hair shadowing his eyes. He immediately expected Shizuo to say something snide, like, "See? That was pretty easy, wasn't it?"

But he didn't and Izaya felt revolted.

"I see. Thank you for being honest."

"What are you talking about? You shouldn't be thanking me. You should be disgusted! You should be angry because I'm not opening up!"

"Nope, that's just Iza-nii's over imaginive mind!" Mairu said.

"Thinks too hard..." Kururi added.

"I'm not thanking you for opening up. I'm thanking you for actually trying to give it a chance." Shizuo said.

"Have you hit your head, Shizu-chan?" Izaya asked, with a irritatedly bemused smile.

"No? I don't think so."

"What do you mean 'I don't I don't think so'?! You're suppose to despite me, remember?! We're enemies. You're not suppose to be helping me! You should be trying to kill me! So why aren't you killing me, monster?!"

"Look, you bastard. Even if I _might_ hate your guts, and even if you are my enemy, it won't ever stop me from holding out a hand to someone who really needs it, after all!"

"...ahahAHAHAH! You're making me laugh, _Shizuo-kun!_ Don't do that! There you go again, being so damn unpredictable! I don't know what to expect! First, you go and act weird and interrogate me to humiliate me in front of Ikebukuro, then you don't chase after me like you normally do, then what you do next? You come and find me in the midst of a near panic attack! You're so amusing that it's revolting! I don't need yours or anybody else's pity."

"Oh, believe me; it's far from pity, Izaya-san." Namie corrected him.

"Then what is it? Why do you showering me with such attention?! I hate it!"

"You're beyond helpless, you should know. You're a lot like-"

"For your information, _Yagiri-san_ , I'm not a chi... Actually, I'd quite love for your to define a child without giving your damned labels on the matter, What really defines a child? Tell me, will you? Because I'm actually rather curious, _ne?"_

Namie grew silent, before she smirked satisfied. "You're kind of acting like one, aren't you?"

"No, I'm just a little unstable is all, alright? Honestly, as if I could change that. Who doesn't have insecurities? Why are you bothering me with this irrelevant stuff, anyway? I really don't understand. All humas have their own insecurities, right?"

"Right, so why hide it?" Shizuo suddenly asked.

"Wait, what-?"

"Exactly what your rival just asked." Namie answered his question before he could ask it.

"Everybody has insecurities, bastard fleabag. Even you. You know it's true, so don't even dare deny it." Shizuo added to Namie's statement.

Ah. He already knew that, and he hated it.

"Did I ever deny it? No. Do I like it? No. I really don't, to be honest, but it's a part of me. It's something I couldn't care less to change. It's who I always was, you see? Don't you understand at the slightest that I'm not as good as you people? That I don't want your filthy love or compassion? I don't want it! I don't need it! I have humans and that's all I need! I don't want to deal with one specific human! I don't want to focus on anybody but humans, excluding myself! You all are much more interesting to watch than me, after all! Hahahaha! The looks on all of your faces are so priceless, right now! HAHaHaha...ha... Damn it...!" Izaya trailed off into silence, once again dropping his head to gaze down so they couldn't see his face.

"I don't want to love anybody! Everybody deserves to be accepted, but I can't be with everyone so why not just reject them. It's much more fun to piss them all off-"

"Flea." Izaya immediately grew stiff and silent at the stern tone, never having recieved such a calm but unswayed tone from anybody before, (except for a similar tone from Kine once) much less Shizuo minus that... one time. Why he even came back, he didn't know anymore. But now he had to deal with it. Great.

"...What?"

"You're lying again, you shit." Shizuo said simply.

"So what if I am? Big deal, Shizu-chan. Everyone does it." He didn't look up.

"You do want to, don't you? You do want to be included in things. You do want to feel loved, right? You just don't know how to deal with your own emotions, Izaya. You do have a heart. After all, you're crying." Shizuo reached out lifting Izaya's chin up to face them. Namie and Shizuo felt a strange pang of guilt when they saw the tears freely running down his face, even though he uttered not a sound. There was so much pain and hurt in his eyes that it was probably indescribable for him to explain all of the current emotions in his features.

Hurt.

Remorse.

Frustration.

Fear.

Despair.

Confusion.

Loneliness.

Consternation.

"...You're right." He gazed into their eyes, tears gathering in his own, give a forced and painfilled, but truly soft smile.

He was happy, but still sad.

"I don't know how to deal with them... Other than self-harm..., yet I don't care to, but of course I have a heart, you fucking dumbass protozoan... You just now realized that...? I've just been hiding and protecting it all this time, is all, you get it...? What else _can_ I do...?"

At that moment, he was once again pulled into an embrace that day, but this time it was... a 'group hug'? They all... were holding him so close, cherishing him.

Even Shizuo, of all people, was embracing someone as filthy and horrible as himself. How sad and amusing was that? He let out a sudden sob-filled laughter, cursing aloud. He couldn't stand it. "Why are you being so fucking nice to someone like me...? I don't deserve this! I don't... I don't want to owe anyone anything, already, so please... _just stop caring_ already! You have to listen to me. I-"

"It's okay, Iza-nii. The world isn't as bad as you may think it is..., and that does include Iza-nii, too." Mairu said.

"I-"

"He's actually kind sometimes." Kururi interjected this time.

"You're all wrong."

"Stop denying it. While you may not be the best person, you still have do have your good points Izaya."

"I may not like you all that much, but I don't hate you otherwise I would have probably poisoned you, after all, back then." Namie said looking in to his eyes.

He couldn't bring himself to speak, just think.

 _"Damn them for seeing through it all... I'll just have to put up stronger barriers this time, won't I? Even Namie-san got through..."_

It hurt so much, but why was that? Was it really just him? Why were those people acting like they wanted to help him? He didn't understand any of it; he just didn't. He didn't like when people were nice, because he had nothing to give them in return.

And it hurt.

Everything was suddenly painful to him; the only kind of pain which he truly hated.

He loathed it, because he was terrified. He refused to return their hug, and just stood there, letting it pass, because he knew it would be gone soon, before he would ever even be able to grasp it.

And he would never be able to get it back or feel it again.

All because he was a downright coward. He had finally remembered who had said that before, too.

Simon was right in everything he had said. He, Orihara Izaya, was just a pusillanimous poltroon.

Bitter irony really was a bitch. He was no god. He was nothing but an insect in the world.

But that was why he loved humans, but he, himself, wasn't interesting at all (on the exception of his blood) to him. They were his passion, and that was the only reason he was willing to give if asked.

What a contradiction, but he couldn't care at the slightest because he had only ever cared about his humans.

 _"But... if that's so... Really then, why... do I still want something more in my life...? No, I refuse to concede or justify that thought, because it's stupid and just improbable... I could never experiance such a thing..._

 _...Or could I...? I've always been irrititated by that annoying Shinra's rediculous accusations, but maybe... He was right, after all._

 _But, either way..., it's not like..._ he _would ever look my way or feel such a thing for me. I'm not his type after all, am I? He said it, himself._

 _Besides... I don't deserve someone like him, after all the supposed problems I've caused for him... He'll just reject me, so what the hell am I even daring to think?"_

"I really hate you Shizu-chan...," he choked, multiple tears running down his cheeks. "but I guess, in the end..., I actually hate myself more than anybody else, so it's a win-win, ne? Maybe Namie's right, huh? Maybe I do sound kind of like a child... I'm so sorry for this... I'm so sorry..."

 _"I didn't ask to be so damn human."_

 _~End of Chapter_

* * *

 _ **A/N: What do you think? Hope it was good... I feel like it sort of sucked where Izaiza was concerned, though... I hope he was in character enough... He's not gonna be all wimpy. He still has more plans to keep people away. It's not like he'd dare let people in, right? Maybe not even himself at first.**_

 _ **Please let me know how you think I did! Please? Explanations for why Shizuo is at Izaya's will come hopefully next chapter or the next.**_

 _ **Replies to Reviews**_

 _ **lulu: Really? I liked my Mikado too! 3**_

 _ **Our cute little air conditioner acts a little too courageous for his kind at times, though. XD**_

 _ **inlovewithshizaya: I'm so glad you're still following! I'll try to let you know when it updates from now on if it's not sending you notifications, if you want. ^^**_

 _ **Reedleonn: Eh? My story is really that important to you? You flatter me, Fan-san! 3**_


	15. Chapter 11

_**Story: Read Between the Lines, Chapter 11**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!**_

 _ **Note: Izaya's 'medicine' really had had a bad effect on him and is finally soon wearing off.**_

 _ **Note: I just can't bring myself to push back the trauma of watching the last episode of Durarara!x2(and reading Volume 13) I can't bring myself to have this take place after it. This will have to take place during the series and be very slightly tweaked or something((I'm so sorry)) because otherwise, it'd be a long time before I'd update again. Namie isn't even in Japan after Ketsu, so I'd have to completely rewrite this story and wait possibly years to find out how Iza and Shizu even reunite, considering Izaya's cut all ties with Ikebukuro and is currently traumatized. I just can't. I'm really sorry... Gomennasai... T^T**_

 _ **So I hope you all can somehow just enjoy it for what it is? Please try?**_

...

 _\- "What the hell is wrong with me...? Ah... Damn it... Did I really say or think that? Love...?"_

And at that moment, it all made sense to him. Those feelings. Those were his thoughts, but he had caught the eyes of everybody in the room, somehow or another.

"Did you say something, Iza-nii?" Mairu's voice suddenly broke the silence with a question, as the twins continued hugging their brother with a little bit of visible concern in her features.

"Oh, nothing really~, Hahah I can't believe you fell for it~"

"Are you saying you "tricked" us?"

"Hm? Well, of course I tricked you, my dear sister~" Izaya smiled like he had done nothing wrong.

"And also, _I,_ " Izaya sneered, with a snide 'I-don't-know-what-you're-talking-about' I type of boastful expression written on his face."have a human heart? _Me_ , of all people, _crying_? Seriously, what a joke~ You see, there was nothing even wrong at all to begin with, and I've just been ignoring your calls, my lovely sisters, because you're just that annoying and irrelevant to me, so I simply tricked you all and every single one of you fell right for the bait~! Hahaha~ What the hell? Even Shizu-chan fell for it? You look like I betrayed you or something~! How amusing and so predictable humans can be sometimes is exactly why I will always love them all, don't you get it~?! HAHAHA! I love all of you! Except you, of course, Shizu-chan~!"

"Iza-nii-"

"Anyway,... I truly don't know why you specific humans were suddenly acting so worried, and were 'trying' to reach out a hand for _me_ , but I _do_ currently have a bigger job of human watching, unfortunately, so, even if I _wanted_ you all to stay around here and piss me off some more, I honestly don't have any time to talk to any of you irrelevant humans, right now~! I don't give information for free, after all, ne~? So is there anything else you all want of me? If not, I really need to get back to my computer and clients, alright?"

"...stard." Shizuo murmured, not looking at him.

"Hm?" Izaya inquired, cocking his head and eyebrow slightly, in a feigned curiousity. "My, you look kind of pale, Shizu-chan. Maybe you should see a certain underground illegal doctor I know, ne? Cat got your tongue~?"

"...You know what I said!"

"Did I? Sorry~ I don't speak some protozoan language, unlike you, _ne~_?"

"KILLKILLKILL! I WANT TO KILL YOU DEAD!"

"...Is that so? Good, you've finally returned to his senses, then." Izaya smirked, though nervously, aware that he was still in the grasp of Shizuo.

Namie backed away, letting go, unnerved by Shizuo's sudden yelling. She had seen the results of some of his fights before, and didn't particularly want to get in the way of their fight if one suddenly transpired, which it looked to her like it just might.

Shizuo shakily clenched his teeth, suddenly hardening the grip he had had on Izaya's arm all the while. The silky black haired man bit his lip in response to hide his pain, managing to force the corners of his lips to curl up into smirk. He absolutely refused to show any kind of weakness to his rival and 'incompatible nemises'.

Unbeknowist to Izaya, Shizuo actually had strong suspicions that everything Izaya had just said was an utter lie; it so painfully obvious to _everyone_ in the room. Surely they had seen right through his efforts in that as well. Recalling everything he'd been told by Shinra, and Mikado, and even what he knew of him, the blond suddenly strongly wanted to believe that the fleabag had simply lost his 'composure', and had 'miscalcuated' or something and immediately grew panicked. He was obviously trying to throw all of the broken pieces of the puzzle back together, but the tears still lurking in Izaya's eyes the whole time were the only thing he had so miserably failed to hide. Everything he was lying about had briefly shown through in his now quivering smirk and body even if Izaya didn't even think they noticed. Actually Izaya probably knew, but didn't care, and was likely trying to kick them out so he could go and break down.

And they knew. That was why it was so damn frustrating... He really wanted to punch something right now, but somehow was barely holding back that urge. "Stop lying, already! Damn it! Shitshitshit... KILLKILLKILL!"

"'Che," Izaya simpered, and he abruptly appeared as calm as ever now, glowering back up at them, bringing even more inner vexation to Shizuo's awareness. "tis not my fault you hate me so much, but, please, do call me you what you want, ne, Shi-zu-chaaan? After all, nobody's stopping you at all~ I oblige, in fact~ but I do still disagree about you calling me a bastard. I actually know my father quite well, even if I may or may not have been all that fond of him, and, like I said-"

"Shut the fuck up, you fucking flea! I WANT TO MURDER YOU, AND, HELL YOU PROBABLY DESERVE IT, YOU DAmned shitty pest! UGGGHHH!" Shizuo clenched his teeth to contain his anger the best he could.

"I see." Izaya stated simply, smirking further. "What are you waiting for then, _Shizu-cha-_?"

"But I'm still not gonna do it, you louse, so you had better be fucking glad!"

"Oh...?" Izaya rose an eyebrow in irritation at Shizuo being unpredictable yet again, _and being so damn human._ "Are you _pitying_ me, Shizu-chan? Oh no, that's no good at all~! You see, you're actually quite underestimating me, because I-"

 _"No_ , I don't feel bad for you at all, but... I'm just not gonna break a promise, so don't even _try_ it."

A promise to someone? A vow? That's what all of this all was about? That's why he was here...?

"...A promise...?"

"...I'm not like you, so I'm not gonna lie. I made a promise to myself. I'm gonna help you whether you like it or not. Whatever I have to do."

Shizuo was doing seriously unpredictable things yet again. Damn him.

He couldn't help but feel spite for the one who had always managed to fill him with feelings he'd kept trying to avoid and ignore. The fox-faced Asian informant gave a wry and mocking smile filled with malice and loathing, before continuing. "Ah? Are you _serious?_ You humans are just way too predictable and amusing at times, but this was unexpected for a monster such as Shizu-chan. There's absolutely nothing _wrong_ , you iron golem. I am a _god_. I don't need _'help'_ , _nor_ pity, especially from someone like _you_. So just mind your own _fucking_ business, already, won't you? Ne? You wannabe human being..."

He had spat the last part before letting his smirk turn even cruder. "Also, haven't you forgot something~? Don't you remember who I am? I'm the very one who framed you for quite a few crimes, and even got you fired from at least a few jobs, so don't act as if you'd forgive me for all that~! Besides, Shizu-chan is too much of a monster! Can't you see? You're not suppose to express such human feelings and traits, such as 'kindness' or 'forgiveness' for a mastermind such as _myself_ , after all, ne? By the way, Namie-san?"

Trying to ignore Shizuo's glare of irritation and before the 'brute' could have spoke, he met Namie's unsettled gaze. "I'm sure you, yourself, haven't completely forgotten some of the things I've said before, ne? Well, to be more specific, there's one thing I believe I've said more times than either one of us could count, remember? I did say it earlier, but I'll even specifically restate it for all of you~! I _never_ give information for free, so just quit bugging me, already! It's so damn _annoying~"_

"What the hell is your problem, you shitty fleabag?!" Shizuo demanded, glaring at him.

"Nothing. You're obviously the one with the problem, ne, Shizu-chan? I didn't even touch you." Izaya shrugged, rolling his eyes, and utterly trying to avoid and ignore any of the irritated looks he was receiving. "Look, why are you all getting so mad at me when all I did was lie to you? All humans lie eventually at some point or another. Alas, I even lie to myself a lot~ and that's why humans are so much fun to mess with~! I love all of them all even if they hate me!... But, you know... I've never really liked being hated by you humans all that much, so why don't I just blow this place up, instead, ne?! Hahaha! _"_

 _"I seriously don't really know why I said that one... Oh well, too late to-"_

"You didn't even have time to set a bomb anywhere! Drop the shitty act, you fucking liar!" Shizuo shouted.

"You" Izaya met his gaze with a quivering but innocent look, before it appeared simply humored, albeit still underlyingly nervous. "think so? You'd actually be surprised by a lot of the things I can accomplish with the help of the people I pay to do my bidding, but you actually used that little brain of yours, for once! Such a good boy! You might would be right if not for the 'fucking' part, of course~! By the way, that's some pretty colorful language you've been~-"

"STOP PATRONIZING ME, YOU SHITTY FLEA! I HATE YOUR MOUTH THAT NEVER SHUTS UP! QUIT TRYING TO PROVOKE ME, ALREADY!" Shizuo snapped, expectedly punching him in the face, letting him go to crash into the wall, surprisingly still holding on to the laptop. The fake blonde man despised being mocked and talked down to like some dog with such approbation.

He was trying to be as reasonable as possible, and was getting annoyed, seeing as Izaya was still intentionally pushing his buttons.

"'that so...? Good, 'cuz I hate Shizu-chan's mouth just as much as he hates mine, if not more. It's so damn loud, ne~? Why don't you-" Izaya snidely started to retort, when his sisters cut him off.

"Brother..." Kururi mumbled, desperately wanting to help in a way, but not knowing what to say, anymore. She appeared to be tense and afraid that her brother might lash out at her if she happened to say the wrong thing. "should maybe quit trying to provoke Shizuo-san...?"

"Kururi..., Mairu, I-" Namie started to call them out as kindly as possible. In a way, deep down, she had to admit that the twins had apparently kind of grown on her at some point, and she didn't particularly want to see them hurt, verbally or otherwise, especially by Izaya.

"...Yes... Thank you." Kururi shook her head quietly, smiling slightly.

"We understand, Namie-san. Iza-nii, we know... we understand everything, so don't worry." The other twin turned to face Izaya.

"What..." Izaya uttered, completely avoiding the gazes from Shizuo and Namie, suddenly staring incredulously at the girl, who seemed unphased.

"What the hell are you talking about, Mairu~? I'm curious; _what_ do you think you 'understand'?"

Said sister smiled. "You're not the only one who is good at observing humans, Iza-nii. Where as you love them, we hate them, because it stole Iza-nii from us."

"At least most of them." Kururi added.

Izaya swallowed, suddenly silent, the smile remaining on his face all the while, even though he was desperate and seething down deep.

"And Iza-nii is more human than anybody else," Mairu continued. "so it's just too easy to read what emotions he's feeling, is all. We know you've been not feeling good. You've been sick for a long time and you don't want us any of us to worry about and question you, just like always. You're thinking that you've always pushed us away before now, anyway. You're frustrated when _now_ suddenly seems different, and because you don't know why, right? It's because we still love Iza-nii, broken or not, just like Iza-nii wants to love all of humanity, broken or not. Even if you only see us as you do anybody else, you're still always Iza-nii to us, whether you acknowledge us or not."

"What are you talking about? That doesn't make any sense at all. My feelings for humanity-" Izaya tried to say.

"Is different, and less tolerant," Kururi interrupted his sentence, causing him to tense at hearing them reading him so well. "but we also know that you're always mean because you think you don't know how to be nice, but you've never killed anybody. You wouldn't be able to take it if you did, would you? That, in itself, means that brother is actually nice. But you don't want to be seen as-" Kururi had started to say.

"Just get out, already, you two... I really don't like being lectured, especially by people younger than me, unless they've surpassed my intelligence or plans for them. I know fully well what kind of person I am, Kururi, Mairu. I know myself better than anybody else, especially you two, who claim to be 'one'?"

"Okay," Mairu hugged Izaya. "if that's what you really think, then... guess we can't stop you. See you later, Iza-nii~ Love you! Come on, Kuru-nee! We were gonna meet up with Kuronuma-kun today, remember?" Mairu smiled, facing her twin, as she got up, then walking towards the door.

"Hm... Love you, _Izaya-oniisama."_ Kururi said, after hugging him as well.

"Don't touch me..." Izaya scowled, clenching and unclenching his fists several times, 'knowing' they were saying that stuff just to piss him off. How they hell did they-?

 _"How much do those damn brats know? I swear... I really find myself so frustrated by them at times like this and I don't even know why... Damn them all. Making me feel so-"_

"Your sisters seem to get along with you better than I thought..." Shizuo commented, after they had left the room.

" _'Get along'_?" Izaya inquired bitterly more to himself, standing up and sitting in his chair, finally returning his laptop to it's proper spot in the middle of his large brown desk, not far from the window.

"For your information, if I happen to be Loki, Lucifer or Kyuubei-san in disguise, those _demons_ would be something far worse. Not that you would understand something like that, seeing as your brother would never do something like shoving bread into your DVD player, or tying you up and leaving you locked in some closet for several days. Then again, Shizu-chan could just easily break the closet door down, if somebody did that to him, and he might not even have bread 'cuz he only likes sweet things~ He's just like a little child! HAHAHA-Shit! Wow, Shizu-chan, you see? What did I _just_ say?" Izaya hissed with an irritated but proud smirk, when Shizuo had flicked him hard in the forhead, causing him to roll back in his chair and once again crash into wall behind him. He held his now raw forehead, glowering at the brute a bit.

"Now that I think about it... You two kind of remind me a little of Loki and Thor, but there's defintely something different..." Namie suddenly mused, wrapping a finger around her chin in deep thought.

"Huh?" Shizuo looked at her, confused, not recognizing the name or franchise.

"Don't even start that, Namie-chan, and they're brothers. You're just saying that because of your own interest in your brother, I'm sure. Shizu-chan is far much more like Hulk-chan." Izaya spat.

"Anyway, your sisters seriously did that to you? I bet you said something to provoke them, didn't you?" Namie questioned, raising an eyebrow in disbelief.

"Back to that? Too bad..." Izaya mused bitterly beneath his breath, before answering his secretary's question. "you're wrong, Namie~ I actually did absolutely nothing at all to them. They wanted me to play some M rated game about fish that I personally had no interest in at all and I was busy, so I told them that dear Sachiko-chan was gonna cut off their tongues if they didn't shut up."

(((quit denying things, Izaya. You just don't like dead fish eyes... xD)))

"Well, that probably scared them. And, anyway, you never spend any time with nor do you ever pay attention to them, so what do you honestly expect? To be honest, that doesn't quite sound like something you'd normally do at all, but somehow, I'm not that surprised, either." Namie deadpanned, folding her arms.

"You think so? You must know me at least a little, then, ne? Ah, the thing is, I'd probably do _anything_ to keep those two brats away from me. _.., but..._ I suppose it _is_ kind of _my_ fault, isn't it...?" Looking out the large window, Izaya gave a nostalgic and slightly sadly amused smile, chuckling a bit to himself, as he remembered how his parents had left the twins with him to practically raise, rarely ever free enough to come back over and visit. As if he was someone who was ever good with kids to begin with, or could ever advocate for them. It wasn't like he was nearly always there for them when or if they had happened to have been bullied, and he really never had been good enough with comforting people, either.

All he knew was that he had said something because, one, he was interested in the fact that they were identical twins, and, two, he loved all humans, as he had said. He didn't really know why he had been so curious about it, but he had just been observing them, when he said it. He just didn't understand how they took it the way they did, nor how any two people could be the same even if he had heard of twins before, and he had simply let his own nature to take hold.

One day, not even remembering the situation because it was so long ago, he had asked them why they even tried acted different when they were the exact same in every possible aspect. While it was, more or less, simply because he wanted to see if he could provoke them into fighting each other or finding out if their bond was just that strong, after all. It had certainly, somehow or another, had an impossible effect on them, one he hadn't expected, hadn't calcuated for... One he refused to let get any worse, becuase it hadn't been his intentions at all to turn them into the demons they had become, or to provoke them into being so detatched from the world and develope in such an rather unexpected way, and to be shunned by humanity as some sort of juvenile delinquents, but now he was actually great irritated that they had ever even listened to him in the first place, and seeing their faces and hearing their voices only ever reminded him of the stupid and annoying mistake he had made. He knew it was cowardice to run away from his supposed responsibilities as an older brother and guardian, but that was just the way he always did. He avoided anything he didn't want to deal with. He ran away, because he was a coward.

Once he screwed up and did crap like that, he just avoided it, because he wasn't particularly bent on making the wound any worse than what it was. On the other hand, it wasn't like he stopped loving them, he just didn't know how to deal with them.

He refused to believe it was because he felt guilty for doing what he did. He just didn't know how to face it and see them without seeing his miscalculations.

Just like with what had happened with his only real friend in middle school. Sure, there had been a few times since high school that he'd contacted Shinra to enlist his services, but he hardly ever went out of his own way to find Shinra. Most of the time Shinra came to him, bugging him about wanting Valentines chocolates for his headless girlfriend, or because he'd 'stepped over the line' in selling Headless Rider merchandise(((Minidura reference))), or just... things. It wasn't as if he really liked seeing him. Back in the hospital, that day, he actually thought he was gonna die that night. So he called him, because he still saw Shinra as a friend, in a twisted way at least.

(((it's really no different than what Shizuo did about that 'milk lady'. He felt so guilty he never went by there again and never apologized either, if you think about it...)))

Well, to be honest, the twins were so clingy and reliant on each other, that he was also quite aware that, if something bad happened to one of them, who knows what could have became of the other's mental state, constantly living as 'one'? And, even if they were responsible for listening to him, he would only feel horribly responsible if either one of them ended up suffering.

Even though they were a headache to him, sometimes, he was still their older brother, and, though he didn't want to accept it, still cared for them at least enough to never want to see them _die_.

In all honesty, he just wished they would stay away from him, and quit interfering with his plans, so they would just stay out of danger like he had them in his plans to do so.

Because he couldn't handle them being nice or even trying to get involved. They were regrettably his younger sisters and it pissed him off when they went and were trying to stick there noses in places they did not belong. Didn't they know how dangerous and risky his line of work and life's career was?

After what had happened to Shinra, and what his own life had already transpired into, anyway, he refused to possibly risk any casualties on his watch, but didn't mind using people's ill-will against them if it was what they went to him for, and letting them set themselves up for ruin. He had warned a lot of them, but they just didn't listen, so, if they came to him for advice and information, even if he had given them the tools they payed for, it was their own faults for trusting him, as far as he was concerned. He just gave people a little encouragement to do what they thought and said they wanted, and delivered information they asked for, gave them an indirect hand if they wanted. He had never hired anybody to kill anybody, nor had he ever wanted to stain his hands with somebody else's blood, indirectly or directly.

As if he ever believed Shizuo would have been killed by some weak gangs. He simply couldn't comprehend why people got so angry at at him. It was his job to give information that was payed for, even if it was information on himself and it was to set himself up for ruin. Not that he would go down without a fight if they tried.

And while, sure, it was 'sort of' painful to know he had nearly even turned his only friend, Shinra, against him at one point and even stopped messing much with Celty, there were just too many emotions he didn't want to think about, and therefore, he refused to, whatever it took.

It did kind of frustrate him that Shinra and Kururi and Mairu thought he didn't care; that he had practically just 'abandoned' them, but it was better to him that way.

On the other hand, the fact that Shizuo, the only person who had ever managed to effect him, that utterly unpredictable _brute_ , had pretty much stollen them from him, was a completely different matter.

Even if he saw them as most any other human beings, if they ever got too deeply involved with some any of his business, they might would loose their life, and their was no way he could face humanity as a worthy god anymore. Imagine that; a self proclaimed god whose sisters died because of his life's choices, so, in a sense, he was also kind of terrified of the prospect of those two getting in the way of his secret selfish vow to Shinra and himself to stay an information dealer until the day he died. He did care, in a sense, but it wasn't his fault he was never able to deal with kids all that well. Why even try to be there for them when he didn't even know how to be there for himself? His own parents were never there and he was never good with saying nice things to people, so he just stuck with brutal honesty in his job, but, otherwise, he often just twisted the truth sometimes to push people away, and make them think, and to detach himself.

He suddenly insisted to believe that he only 'cared' about his sisters out of obligation. That was all there was to it. It had to be.

"...Why the hell are you laughing about that? Oi, there's nothing funny about some of that shit!" Shizuo had finally demanded. There was an underlying remorse to the way the broker had spoke moments before his thoughts were already going in many directions. It was a tone that had immediately caught the blonde's attention.

"Whoops, I forgot you were there, Shizu-chan~! Such a nosey monster~ You just ask way too many questions, ne~? It's really none of your business, _baka_ _Shizu-chan~_ " Izaya chided, hoping to once more get a rise out of the brute.

"You got a problem _?_ I just _asked_ a question, is all, _teme_!" Shizuo snapped at him with a glare.

"And I answered it, _single-cell-Shizu-chan~"_ Izaya replied smoothly, thinking it would be best if Shizuo finally just left like his sisters had.

"I really don't get why the fuck Shinra ever introduced a piece of shit like you, of all people, to _me_." Shizuo growled studying the other male's face.

The auburn eyed man felt a brief pang of hurt at suddenly hearing those specific words, but tried his best not to show it, instead attempting to give a plain carefree smile.

"...That? Who cares? Vise versa here, but Shinra is Shinra, ne? On the other hand, I _am_ surprised you didn't deny being unicellular, though You were aware of it, then." Izaya's smirk grew wider. He didn't want to focus on any matter of Shinra anymore at all right now, for just thinking about it was too frustrating and annoying for him to deal with, so, once again, he refused to. The protozoan monster before him might do just as good as to destract him from that and other things he really didn't want to remember or ponder, and fighting with him made it easier to not to even focus on anything but arguing, as long as Shizuo didn't suddenly try to be nice and kind to him. He knew he wasn't a good person at all, but, hell, he had accepted that long ago, and therefore found it pointless to still try to make deep bonds or amends, but still found anger and jelously in Shizuo easily managing to make them without even trying and despite some of the things he had done, himself, and Shizuo him since forever.

To be honest, he was sure he could never 'safely' connect to Shizuo at the slightest with anything but through violence, so he had decided to relish in the only reassurance he had ever had. Over the past few years, he had really begun to think. From the beginning of his life's career, he had decided that his only goal had been to love all humans even if it hurt them, because he couldn't ever betray that which he saw as 'love', but Shizuo would never let him do this.

In truth, however, Shizuo had been the only human that had never left him ever since he could remember. Nobody had ever looked back and that's why he 'loved' them. But Shizuo did, and hated him. He couldn't stand being hated by a human that was more human and intriguing that any others. He couldn't stand falling in love with such a human like that, that immediately rejected him the moment he met him, and had decided something along the lines of "he conviently rejected me, so I convienently labeled him as a monster and will turn him into a real one.", or something like that. It had been so long since they'd met, but he forgot many names and anything that wasn't relevent to his job since then, which included his own emotions and thoughts.

But now that it was considered, he realized he could never be happy, after all, if Shizuo died before him. He hated to admit it, but it weren't for Shizuo, he would have had everything, skills, knowledge, followers, and the whole world would likely be in the very palm of his hand. Shizuo was the only person that had ever looked back for anything. He was the only constant he had ever had, beside of Shinra, in a way, but that was a completely different matter...

It was contradictory to what he had thought before, but he was willing to wait a lifetime to get through to Shizuo. He just wanted them to co-exist, but no longer wanted to see him as a human and refused to let anybody else see him as one even more. He didn't know why he hated to admit it, but he wanted to 'love' Shizuo as the monster he was because he was now on another level; if Shizuo became human to him, then not only would he be hated by humanity itself, but he also wouldn't be able to deal with seeing Shizuo as a 'normal' human, and would have to treat him the same.

Quite honestly, however, he found absolutely nothing wrong with his intentions, but Shizuo was just too unpredictable and had always hated him, so, to be frank, he didn't even know _what_ to do.

After all, at this point in his life, his own existence in general and the matter of 'who he really was' relied on the existence of Shizuo, as much as he would have prefered to go back and change things if he could.

If Shizuo were suddenly gone now, then all humans would seem the same, nobody would be that special to him, and there would be no real challenge anymore, no goal left, nobody to shout his name anymore, nobody to dare stand in his way and stop him, there would be nothing to truly look out for anymore. It would be completely boring, and no longer interesting. Everything would come and go. Everybody would have used him for his information on their own situations just like that, but Shizuo had been the only one to break his wall and stay out of it, and the only one to truly go above and beyond his expectations, as well as the only one who had truly never used him.

Shizuo was the most human of all of them, so if he couldn't co-exist with Shizuo, he could never co-exist with humanity or monsters.

And he couldn't just forget him. Orihara Izaya was obsessive when it came to something he wanted. He wanted Shizuo to appreciate him just as much as he appreciated Shizuo.

If they hadn't met, it would have probably been very much different and it wouldn't have gotten to this point, but they had, so the thought of Shizuo, a _human_ , actually dying and leaving him _now_ was unsettling. This was just Izaya's way of life now. And he just couldn't bring himself to get rid of Shizuo, in the end, no matter how much he wanted to or had even tried.

The broker honestly just wished Shizuo could see through his mask and feelings, but, at the same time, he was naturally terrified to just let him or anyone else in and also despised the prospect of it. Contrary to believe, he wasn't that great with talking about his own emotions at all, even if he could easily talk about others'. Even so, as long as Shizuo looked his way, at least some, in some way or another, he was content, but he still kept up the barrier around his heart, because he knew that Shizuo would never feel the same for him, nor return his 'love', just like with all of his unrequited 'loves'. Becuase of that, he refused to let Shizuo fall in a requeited love with someone else and himself be left behind. Shizuo was much better than them and he absolutely refused to let _them_ take him from him, since... Shizuo was even more human than _himself_. If he, _himself_ , didn't deserve Shizuo, _nobody_ did.

He had made such an effort to keep him, and, being hurt enough already, he refused to let people get that close to him, because, in a sense, wanted Shizuo for himself, and hated seeing him trying to fit in with something that he felt was beneath him. He wanted to give Shizuo a place as he was. _His_ Shizuo was so much more priceless than any of his other humans, and that was all he knew.

He didn't particularly care about Kasuka or Tom being close to Shizuo, but... then Varona, Kururi, Mairu, Sonohara, Masaomi, and more and more and more, and so many more people began to offer their hands to him. Since they were 'enemies' and Shizuo hated him, he would always their hands over his, and for that, he hated Shizuo. He hated him for seeing through him and hating him.

He, himself, wanted friends, sure, and was jealous, and angry to know that Shizuo and him had only ever grown more distant every day. He wanted to understand his strength. Hell, just like Celty was somehow more beautiful to Shinra without her head, Shizuo meant so much more to him with his trademark strength and power. So Shizuo wanted to help people? There were probably so many 'good' deeds out there that could have been done only with his unique strength.

But, over time, he only ended up becoming more and more bitter at seeing him smiling at them and never him. He wanted Shizuo to smile for him like that, at least once, but he never did. He hated knowing that he was so damn irrelevent to him, because it hurt. It made him suffer.

He hated Shizuo because, even though making him suffer in his unrequited love hurt Izaya bad, Shizuo wouldn't even allow him to love his humans. That was the only man that ever managed to ruin his plans, even though he had never actually physically hurt or intended to physically hurt anybody and nor did he have any 'illwill' against many, except for Nakura and the company known as Jinnai Yodogiri(((Kasane Kujiragi))) for hurting Shinra, his only friend. No matter if it was starting a festival for all of his humans in Ikebukuro, going into Russia Sushi to eat sushi, talking to Mikado, having hotpot alone, or telling people thoroughly think about their life, listing ways to kill themselves online, doing his job, or giving his humans a slight 'push on the shoulder' to think about what they want or even doing nothing, he was _always_ 'up to something', and Shizuo always connected the 'bad' things to him, without ever considering the 'good things' as well, so much so that he might as well just become an utterly horrible person, and go on a mass killing spree. Sure, maybe he was definitely a bit messed up, but he knew when to back off, which was why he hadn't been killed by the Awakusu-kai, by now.

Too put all of that in simple words, from day one, he had decided that, even if Shizuo wasn't always his, he would always be Shizuo's, had learned parkour so he could, in fact, encourage him, to look away from evverybody else, and chase after him. Because he had hated seeing him trying so hard to fit in with humans, because he knew the fake blonde was hurting and would never completely fit in, just like himself.

He had wanted Shizuo to recognize him as the special one who was never once afraid of Shizuo's strength; the only one who had courage to challenge him without holding back; the only one that was never afraid of him or his strength that he hated so much.

He had wanted to take Shizuo's focus away from pain and everything else, and to be the new important light and to be the one person who was willing to always be there for him. He wanted it to be his hand that Shizuo chose to take first, even if he take other's as well, just as it was with Shinra and Celty. Beside of the fact that he was the only constant he had, so, if Shizuo finally turned his back on the only type of 'bond' they'd ever successfully made, he didn't know what he'd do.

On the other, by turning humanity against Shizuo at least he could die with the comfort that humanity would label him a monster, just as he had been himself. Okay, so maybe he was very possesive, but Shinra was most assuredly no better in someways, as far as he was concerned. Shinra would probably even kill for Celty. In fact, he knew he would.

Truth be told, even if he had to become a villian and turn humanity against Shizuo to the point that he, himself, was the only one left to accept Shizuo, he was gladly willing to give everything he had to the blond, including himself, because he just wanted to be acknowledged by him. He couldn't take being hated or even ignored.

He had a heart, and wasn't as detatched as Shinra who would, again, be able to kill somebody for Celty without a second thought, where as he, himself, had felt so out of control when he had miscalculated and Shinra got stabbed as a result of his gambling ring in middle school. He was envious for Shinra to be able to do such a thing, and he had feared what would happen if something even worse happened. He knew that he'd never be able to deal with having his hands stained with more crimson than that, but would still do so, if it were to keep Shizuo alive and growing stronger in the long run.

Sure, he might have 'used' Shizuo in a sense, but, the truth was, it would have been an equal trade. Hell, he'd even give Shizuo the world if he could and that was what he desired.

To be honest, he despised Shizuo, a being which despited, and despised being in unrequeited love with him. He had never wanted to grow attached to anybody, but he had, and the fact that Shizuo constantly threw off his predictions and calculations and hated him right off the bat did make him feel extremely bitter inside because he had never faced rejection before. Sure, he had always just avoided, or ran away from, anything that caused him suffering, and, hell, he had tried so many accursed times with Shizuo, but the cat always manages to sniff the 'rat' out. If he wasn't allowed to run away, to avoid him, to have other types of fun, or even be able to co-exist as friends, at least...

Back then, he had wanted him gone, but had never tried to honestly kill him except for that first time after Shizuo did. And since then, over time, the bitterness, resent, loneliness, jealously, and, above all, hurt... built up, had slowly kept manifesting into much more. So, he couldn't even deny it to himself, now. He absolutely hated the way Heiwajima Shizuo had always made him feel, and that would never change.

"You..." jerking and lifting Izaya up by his v-neck black tee-shirt, their eyes met briefly before Shizuo glanced over his slim figure.

"Excuse me-"

"You're finally getting violent now, Shizu-chan?" Izaya smirked, filling a sudden sense of high in finally being able to get a rise out of Shizuo at least once more.

"Who knows, but you're obviously trying to provoke me, aren't you, you little shit?! HEHH?!" Shizuo snapped.

"Heiwa-"

"Who knows? Maybe I _am,_ maybe I'm _not_ , _ne, monster_?" Izaya grinned darkly. Hell, even he suddenly didn't know what he was trying to accomplish anymore or what he was really doing. But he couldn't stop! It wasn't really all that fun at all, though, this time, because he wasn't in control of his emotions at all right now, and he hated it. He was irritated as hell, but was somehow satisified in Shizuo and him arguing again. It was a bad habit, he had to admit.

"Iza-"

"You...," Shizuo mumbled, his facial features softening slightly, as his gaze was focused on Izaya's thin stomach. He never been all that heavy to begin with, but he just seemed really light now. "do you... eat right?"

"Huh?" Izaya inquired, looking at him, baffled, a bit surprised by the random question.

"Meals," Shizuo clarified. "are you eating enough?"

"..." Izaya was silent, surprised that Shizuo had asked him that, and wondered why. From his expression, Shizuo just seemed to be curious, nothing more. However, this was Shizuo. He was unpredictable.

"Eat better; you're too thin..." Shizuo said softly, slightly averting his gaze.

"...Dear Shizu-chan, mind your own business, will you? I eat well enough." Izaya replied.

"'Well enough'?" Shizuo mocked "I say you have no meet on your bones."

"And I say I'm perfectly fine," Izaya disagreed, and their gazes met briefly, challenging each other, before he sighed, letting out an exhausted smirk. "alright? Honestly, what's with Shizu-chan today, anyway? You're acting a little bit weirder than ever, ne? You're practically worrying about me like I was dying or something~ Hahah what the hell is up with that?"

"It's nothin'." Shizuo finally sighed, perking Izaya's attention when he was suddenly putting him back down.

"Oh? You're letting me go, Shizu-chan? You're being too soft~! I expected to at least get a broken nose. What an unpredictable move, my dear monster~! Hahahaha! So amusing, you are for acting so huma-"

"IZAYA-SAN!" Izaya and Shizuo both seemed to jump when Namie suddenly shouted.

Izaya immediately turned to face her. "Sheesh, Namie! What the hell was that for?!"

"I've said your names several times now, and not one of you even heard me in the midst of your _lovers' quarrel._ Anyway, I'm leaving. Goodbye."

"Sorry, it was his fault. I'm fairly sure I would have heard something if he wasn't snapping at me in my face like some mangy dog~!" Izaya chimed, before suddenly taking in everything she'd said.

"And we are _not-_ Wait, where are you going?"

"Home."

"Ah. Of course. Wait, already? Why not have dinner, huh? Guess not... Well, be safe then, ne, _sister dearest~?_ Wait, Namie, you're not gonna leave me here with thi-"

 _SLAM._

 _Silence..._

Izaya and Shizuo gazed at each other, suddenly not sure what to say, beside of the fact that they weren't used to being within even three feet of each other unless they were fighting, or bumping foreheads to glare at each other. Well, rather, Shizuo bumping _his_ forehead _._

"Well," Izaya swallowed, hesitant to speak, turning away, and unable to look him in the eyes. "that wasn't very nice of her. Ah, but... at least she closed the door, rather than pulling it off the henges unlike a certain protozoan I know, ne?"

"Fuck you, bastard."

"What nice language, Shizu-chan~ Why don't you just go die, you iron golem?! You'll never evolve, anyway, after all~!"

"Do _you_ want to die?!" Shizuo growled in his face, glaring at him.

"Hm? Not particularly~ How terrible you are! You wound me so much~!" The raven half feigned hurt, smiling all the while.

"I'm leaving as well." Shizuo suddenly backed away, obviously barely restraining from choking the other male.

"Eh~? Well, then die before tomorrow, I hope."

"Why? You trying to imply shit like you want me to stay hear or something?"

"Ah? No way~ I couldn't dare allow some stinky monster to be lounging at my house! I'm liable to get kicked out for the 'no pets aloud' rule, Shizu-chan! Don't you know?! HAhah-"

"Good, you bastard flea, because nobody else wants you at their house, either. I may be a monster, but I least I have real friends. Hell, even Shinra invited me to that hotpot party." Shizuo said, briefly glaring at him, before seeing the expression on his face.

"Alas, that was actually kind of cruel, ne, Shizu-chan?" Izaya muttered, suddenly, eyes suddenly slightly downcast and bangs covering his eyes.

Down deep, he might have known it was true, but he still spited that quite a lot, too, whether they knew it or not.

"...Look, I'm sorry, but you kind of deserved that."

He was apologizing? As if he would fall for it.

"...Hahah! You fell for it again, baka~! As if I'd ever be affected by some monster's words~!"

"You know what? It's taking a lot to repress my anger right now! I want to kill you, but I refuse to give into your manipulations, you bastard!"

"Oh? That's too bad~ I've always had so much fun messing with Shizu-chan~ It's so much more interesting to tease him like that, after all~" Izaya beamed teasingly.

"By the way..." Shizuo suddenly said, causing Izaya to freeze in realization that he wasn't done asking things yet. Was he going to ask about _that?_

"...Yeah?"

"That woman was kind of scary earlier... Who is she? Is she your girl friend or something?" Shizuo wasn't looking at him.

Izaya let out a shaky breath of relief, smirking at the question.

"Oh, good god, no. Hahaha. She's just a bitchy secretary of mine is all~" He said, proudly, before suddenly looking a way a bit.

"I see..."

"Yeah..."

"Oh, I was gonna ask about your arm... That's actually what I came here for."

Izaya, averted his gaze. Well, knew he would probably ask about it, but had still hoped not. Then again, Shizuo was always going against his expectations and hopes.

"...What about it?" Izaya pulled his arm behind his back, backing away a bit, his heart thudding fast in his chest. He was suddenly shaking and was barely able to breathe. Then, to top it off, he felt utterly cornered, though he didn't even fully know why.

Shizuo slowly approached him. Holding out a hand, which Izaya briefly tensed at seeing.

"D-don't..."

"Huh...? Flea? Are-"

"D-don't touch me, Shizu-chan..." Izaya was glaring, but there much more of just a look of terror and tears in his eyes, as he was letting out several shaky breaths. Was Izaya... afraid of him?

 _"What is he going to do? Damn it... what's wrong with me...? What is he thinking? I can't tell... He's way too unpredictable... What if-"_

"...Right... Sorry..." Shizuo grew silent and withdrew his hand before backing up a few feet. "I guess I've overstayed my welcome here. I didn't intend to scare you... By the way..., I'm not judging you for that... and I never will."

 _..._

Namie was pretty sure that at least half the times Izaya called her on one of his many phones for pointless things, such as to signify that he was "bored" or had a job for her to take care of, he was actually extremely bored, lonely and frustrated, not really having friends and all. As well as the fact that he always seemed to find amusement in trying to push her to do so many jobs. It actually was funny to see him confused at fast she finished them sometimes, too.

However, when he happened to call her this time, she was irritated at first.

"Yes, Izaya-san?" She reluctantly answered.

 _"Iya_ , Namie-san, look, you don't have to come to sacrifice your time for me, anymore, alright?" His voice was only slightly quivering; she could tell. Either he was in some kind of vehicle, or-

"Wait, what are you talking about? I-" She started to question, trying her best to hide the concern in her voice.

"Well, it's like this. I'm firing you." Her heart sunk, and not for the fact that that she was supposedly being 'fired'. There was something wrong. That's all she knew.

"Wha-"

"Ah," Izaya spoke before she could even say a word. "but don't... worry, Yagiri-san. It's not like you did anything particularly wrong at all. I just fired you because I wanted to mess with you, ne? I was just little bored is all~ But I do thank you for staying my pawn as long as you were~ Anyway, see you around, Yagiri-san~"

"...Yeah."

As if she was gonna just gonna trust him on his word alone. Izaya was the type of person who went around talking and acting like he didn't want someone to stay with him all because he actually _did_ want them to stay. Not in a 'tsundere' way either, as Erika and Walker would have put it...

It was really kind of sad to her, to be honest...

 _~End of Chapter_

...

 _ **A/N: What did you think? I hope it was good. I feel like it was really out of character but I swear I tried. Please tell me what you think!**_

 _ **1\. Namie will be coming back.**_

 _ **2\. Izaya was not afraid of Shizuo, but anxiety is a common thing amongst people who cut.**_

 _ **Random Durarara! Fact Apparently, after the events of the anime, Izaya had been traumatized as well as showing common signs of PTSD.**_

 _ **He's refusing therapy as punishment for 'loosing' to Shizuo, or possibly failing to be killed by Shizuo, as he didn't want to love a human which hated him and his 'brittle' heart broke at the end?**_

 _ **There was even one scene in the official Izaya solo Sunset novel where Izaya asks someone named Sozoro if there would come a time that he'd be able to walk again. Sozoro said that the doctors said he would if he accepted therapy. Then Izaya corrects himself, "I'm asking if there will be a time that I will want to run about on my own again."**_

 _ **That makes me want to cry. Does it you or not?**_

 _ **Again, I wanted to have this as an after story, but I just can't bring myself to. At the end of Drrr!, both Shizuo and Izaya had utterly snapped, so I want to give them a happy ending. Plus Namie would be in America and I'd have to go and completely rewrite this story, so I hope you all forgive me for completely changing the story. I think there are somethings that Izaya can choose between two things and just goes by impulse as all of us do, so just use your imagination? Please, I'm so sorry. I orginally had other plans, so some details minor details might be confusing up to now. But those can just be ignored.**_

 _ **Replies to Reviews:**_

 _ **Inlovewithshizaya: I'm glad you understood where it was coming from. And I hope this chapter was at least kind of satisfying to read?**_


	16. Chapter 12

_**Story: Read Between the Lines, Chapter 12**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!**_

 _ **...**_

"You wanted to talk with me about something yesterday, right?" Tom had asked, approaching Shizuo, whom he then gained a nod from.

The blond looked up at his employer. He had missed the second half of work the day before and came back apologizing this morning. Now they were on break, so Tom had finally got a chance to talk with Shizuo. Varona had mentioned that there was something she had needed to take care of and that would meet back up with them in a few hours at best.

"Ah, Tom-san, sorry for bothering you."

"Nah," Tom shook his head a bit, smirking. "don't worry about it. I have a whole hour off, unless something comes up, so I'm sure it'll be fine."

"Thanks...," Shizuo said after a moment. "but I meant 'bother' as in this may be rather unsettling to you, so I was kind of apologizing in advance, to be honest..."

"Oh, I see. Well, believe me; I've seen quite a few things, so I'm sure it can't be all that extreme, right?" Tom inquired.

"Yeah, I guess." Shizuo nodded.

"So um... what is you wanted to talk about, then?" The dreadlocks man wanted to know, getting straight to the matter, as he sat down next to him on the bench the ex-bartender was sitting on.

"I know there are some others I could have talked to about it, but you're the only person I felt I could talk to on more of a neutral standpoint and not start up unnecessary gossip and stuff. It's um... Do you know much of anything about self harm?" Shizuo asked, decidedly forcing himself to into assertion. He knew it was a semi tabooed topic, and darting around the bush would only make it stranger and even harder and more frustrating for him to talk about.

"...Ah? Yeah, what about it?" Tom did find the question really odd and rather... _worrisome_ , but would hear him out, anyway.

"...I don't really understand how people could enjoy it, myself, or even get some kind of high out of that stuff, and I never could, but some days ago, I sort of found out that that bas-" Shizuo cut himself off trying to keep remaining as calm as possible unable to just choke back the feeling of anxiety forming in his chest, as he was also trying to keep this on more of a professional level with his employer for some reason unknown. "that _Izaya_ does, and it's all starting to make sense, now."

"Wait, you're kidding, right? _Him_?" Tom muttered, secretly inquiring for confirmation. He found it difficult to believe that it was _that_ Orihara Izaya that Shizuo was talking about, but knew down deep, unfortunately, it probably was. There's no way that Shizuo would ever confuse somebody like that for somebody else, right?

"...When I saw it I... didn't really know what to think of it, either, and I really don't want to believe it, myself, honestly,... but one of his arms was seriously littered with them... Lacerations, scars, deep cuts, and even burn marks. I guess I'm not really sure how to act around him, now, especially after I went to Shinra, and found out a few things about him that I would have never guessed about him had he not told me... And that one Ryuugasaki kid kind of made me think a little bit, too..." Shizuo said, eyes toward the sky. The images of it were still evidently bothering him, even now.

"Well, do you think that maybe it's just as awkward for him right now?" Tom asked, after reading into the situation and hearing a little bit about it, as well as gathering what he knew and had heard of Orihara Izaya from Shizuo and several others.

"What do you mean?" Shizuo, who was rather dense at times when it came to conversation like this, didn't exactly understand what his employer was saying.

"Well," the brown haired debt collector tried to think of a way to reword his question, but decided to instead just 'empravise'. "by avoiding somebody longer, it often makes things seem even more awkward for the both parties. They'll just keep avoiding each other and that'll definately seem to be fairly easy, but even if they get used to it, they're still with no doubt running away from each other. So what do you think they would do, especially with a relationship like both of yours, if they suddenly happened to run into each other one day?"

"That'd probably be awkward... Ah, now I get what you're saying..., but to be honest, I'm not really sure _how_ to approach him, though. I think he's afraid of me, now." Shizuo's eyes were downcast and there was a glint of what would appear to most as sadness in his eyes. Well, _most_ would take it as that, but Tom was different and knew Shizuo well enough to know that it wasn't sadness, but fear. Shizuo was afraid that even Izaya, of all people, now feared him.

"Afraid of you?"

"Yeah... I reached out to ask about his arm and he froze up. Told me not to touch him."

"...I'm pretty sure it's just anxiety. You may not know, but that stuff is actually really common amongst a lot of self-harmers out there, and just like with drugs, when they begin to 'withdrawl' from their 'routine', any little thing could set them off or they might just lock up and get really nervous. It's... kind of like with your cigarettes."

"...Oh." Shizuo pondered it when he realized what Tom was saying. And it made sense.

"Besides," Tom glanced at him, catching his attention. "throughout all these years, Orihara-san was never once afraid of you, Shizuo-kun, so I doubt that would change now, by some minor event like this. And if he's really afraid of something, after all, it's not you, yourself, that he's afraid of... Shizuo..., if I may ask, do you care even a little for Orihara-san?" Sure, it was a possibly triggering question for a person like Shizuo, but it had already been asked.

Shizuo surprisingly just hummed. "...I don't know, but... now that I think about it, I guess he's kind of the only constants I've ever had, aside from you, Shinra, Kasuka, and Celty... I don't think I really hate him like I thought I did, anymore, to be honest. Plus, it would also probably seem way too odd if he were suddenly gone, but..."

 _"Something is really fucking bugging me about it, and I just can't get it out of my head."_

"I get it. Then don't let him make you forget that." Tom told him, smiling a bit.

"Huh?" The fake blonde was confused and taken off by the proclamation.

"Even if you can't tell what you feel for him, you were still able to recognize that much, so that's a start, you see? Before, you thought you just despised him, but now you're trying to be patient despite him, so... try to give these feelings a chance no matter what he does and just try to act casual, anyway, and show him you don't see him as any different simply because of his scars. Even so, still try to let him know if you want to get to know him or not. you can't just ask for his friendship to earn his trust, or to get to know him. You, yourself have to be his friend, no matter how hard it may be, before he'll be yours, because that's likely the kind of person he is... If you want to give him a chance, you'll have to be patient and get to know him little by little, I guess. Because..." Tom briefly averted his gaze, thinking back to when Shizuo was in middle school and had detatched himself in such ways. "from what I can tell, he likely doesn't have a lot of friends."

"...Yeah, I think Shinra is technically the only one he has..." Shizuo confirmed his assumption, but to call Shinra a 'friend' to Izaya wasn't something he was exactly comfortable with doing, considering the typical idea of a 'friend'.

"See, you might know this, already, but the matter is different for every person. Any person who have lived most all of their whole life doing things completely alone or even hiding, and was only ever face contempt, kind of like yourself, don't even know how to ask for help, nor why they should. He may not even know that he's 'falling' or that there's anything wrong or want to believe it or think about it, because, once again, that 'wall' is all that guy knows. So when he asks you to leave, he might just actually want you to stay even if he doesn't know it... I'm not saying to force recovery or friendship on him or anything nor to set yourself up for that knowing how he is, but... if you decide that you do want to help him, they've actually said that it's sometimes best to do what seems like the 'wrong thing' to help a friend, if that helps or makes any sense to you..." Tom told him.

"Yeah, I think I get what you're trying to say. Thanks for listening, Tom-san... I'll try to take your advice to heart." Shizuo finally said softly. He wasn't good at understanding much 'logic' unlike his nemesis Izaya, but when it came to 'instinct' and things of the such, Heiwajima Shizuo was occasionally rather good at that and only that. So he some how knew exactly what Tom meant by 'doing the wrong thing' even if he couldn't explain such illogical things with some stupid fancy words.

"Don't sweat it," Tom smirked, patting him on the shoulder.

"Anyway, I'm sure it'll all work itself out eventually. And if not, it might do best to talk to seek professional advice about that stuff instead of from me... So... you're planning to go meet up with Varona soon and get back to work, right?"

Shizuo smirked, nodding. "Right."

"Good, that's the attitude." Tom nudged him on the shoulder, then thought to himself.

\- _"Besides, you may not realize it, but I'm beginning to believe that you know that information broker better than most others, whether you know it or not, so I'm sure you'll figure things out, and when you do, you'll know exactly what to do when it comes down to it, Shizuo-kun."_

"...I mean it, _Shizuo-kun_. Don't worry about it, because I'm absolutely sure you'll be fine." He reasured him.

"Thanks, _Tanaka-senpai_ ," Shizuo finally smirked, before letting out a sigh to express his doubts, as he got up. "but I won't make any promises to succeed, but I will try. Although... I'm not a saint, yeah?"

"And you don't need to be. None of us are in some ways, you know?"

"Che', you got that right..." Shizuo scoffed in slight amusement.

"Thanks for that, though," he then smiled."because it really helped. See you in a little while, Tom-san."

And, with that sentence, Shizuo had switched to and a from two different honorifics and moved to leave, but waved a bit as he walked off, not looking back.

"I sort of have to feel bad for that Orihara..., to be honest..., but I can't stand to see Shizuo-kun worry for him like that... I could see it his eyes. Honestly, why can't everybody just get along...? Am I really the only relatively normal one around here...? It's really worrisome... Varona and Shizuo both appear to be having some inner conflicts and I don't even what to do... Maybe things will get straightened out, eventually..."

He suddenly had honest hopes that both of his kouhai would somehow be able to stay strong.

 _ **...**_

 _ **Later that day, at an apartment in Shinjuku...**_

"Ah... Well now..." when Izaya was faced with an unexpected visit albeit from a rather familiar face, he didn't quite know what to say at first.

"...Izaya-san, I'm sorry for bothering you... Are you b-busy right now...? I wanted to talk to you."

Cerulean met auburn and both human beings were at sudden loss of words.

Ryuugamine Mikado and Orihara Izaya suddenly didn't quite know how to handle this situation, but, since they were there, there was no use turning away now, nor trying to avoid it. So they, observing each other in that moment, both had decided that they were now just going to go by gut instinct on this one, because that's all they knew. After all, these two people were actually rather good at picking up on things down deep, and some might just even say that was all they were good for...

Besides, Mikado 'loved' putting himself in odd situations like this one, and Izaya 'loved' humans, so this was okay.

\- _"My whole body is trembling and shouting at me to just turn back now, and to avoid this, but even if part of me is terrified, I simply refuse to reject my desire to try to understand him and to reach out to help this extraordinary person who stands out, just like_ him _. Ah, I bet Masaomi is going to be so mad at me, though..."_

 _~ End of Chapter_

 _..._

 _ **A/N: I know it's not much, but authors block and other stories have been holding me back. But Izaya's birthday is in like two days, so I knew I had to update something. I'm so sorry it's not more, but I hope it was at least somewhat satisfying...?**_

 _ **I swear I've not written much for Tom before, so please let me know that this was good! It's very hard to write for all these characters I'm not used to writing for, so please forgive me for any majorly ooc moments... Sigh... I really do try, but I'm not Narita, so there.**_

 _ **I have been reading the novels and doing some research and reading the manga, and slowly other things, so I'm not completely slacking off...**_

 _ **Question: I know it may be a bit soon, but where is Namie now?**_

 _ **Answer: Ah, she'll be back in a few more chapters at most, I think. I can't quite say what she's**_ **doing** _ **right now, though, other than that she's just doing 'Namie things'?**_

 _ **Question: Will she be Izaya's secretary again?**_

 _ **Answer: Well, for the sake of the story, probably not, but, either way, I do still have some pretty good plans, I think.**_

 _ **Question: What is Mikado doing at Izaya's and what the hell the hell is thinking? Mikado doesn't really care all that much for Izaya or Shizuo.**_

 _ **Answer: Good question, but Mikado is a little like Izaya, so... maybe it's out of partial worry, but partial curiously and also his craving for a life that's not just 'dull' and Izaya is somebody he's appreciative of for that purpose, so I don't think he would really want Izaya to suffer, and also, as apposed to Aoba, who the novels clearly show enjoys bullying those weaker than him(yes, Aoba's thoughts actually do show that) because he hates humanity or something(Minus Kururi and Mairu. Despite his nature, they still accepted him, so that kind of makes me feel even worse for Izaya...), he knows that Izaya isn't somebody who would kill somebody or particularly gets off on making others suffer because he's done good things for people, too, and also finds some equal sense of enjoyment in that because he's more on a neutral stand point. The things Izaya says is often true(and I think he's constantly speaking from his own experiances. "The past will become you're god"? What about his thoughts in Volume 9 about how meeting Shinra was probably the only thing that had significant effect on his developement?) Mikado may be a little selfish, but his sort of heroism and urge to become something big in a way(well, to create something big...) and craving of the extraordinary is kind of what corrupted him in a sense, where as Izaya's antiheroism and obsession to 'keep evolving' is what caused his corruption aside from his loneliness and the thing with Shinra...**_

 _ **So, anyway, I think Mikado came here for his own semi-selfish purposes..., or maybe something else? Hmm...**_

 _ **Replies to reviews:**_

 _ **To Friend(Guest): You really think so? I'm so glad! I do try! :3**_

 _ **To Letty-Chan19: I love angstyzaya, as well, because I think Izaya doesn't lack emotions, but the opposite, thus why he decides to 'love' his humans. He just never wanted to observe himself and his own feelings because of his weak heart. I'm glad you like my story! :3**_

 _ **Guest: Here it was! Hope you enjoyed it!**_

 _ **To inlovewithshizaya: Well, I'm glad I peeked you interest. And if this chapter didn't answer any questions, maybe the next one will? Well they do say fanfiction isn't about what happens, it's about what didn't happen, but I still like to get event and time and personalities as close as possible. Thank you again for sticking with me on this. :3**_


	17. Chapter 13

_**Story: Read Between the Lines, Chapter 13**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!**_

...

A brief thought had went through the glossy black haired man's head when he found the founder of the Dollars, Ryuugamine Mikado standing at the door to his apartment in Shinjuku, but not finding it exactly comforting to dwell on it, he forced himself to regain his composure.

"Well now, I certainly wasn't expecting a visit from you, of all people, in my humble aboad today. It's been a little while, Mikado-kun. This is quite a surprise, but please, come on in, my interesting kouhai~ And since you ask, I'm actually on a break right now." Izaya simpered and held up his hands, smiling, stepping aside so Mikado could step in.

"...Ah, thank you, I guess." Mikado scratched his cheek, obviously a bit nervous.

"Say, do you like tea?" Izaya asked him after closing the door behind them.

"Ah? Yeah, I don't mind it, but I'm almost sure you already knew that, considering that you are an information dealer." Mikado assumed nonchalantly.

"So presumptuous of you, but you may just be right. Doesn't hurt to ask, though, ne? I'll go ahead and make some. Please, take a seat on the sofa, if you want, Dear Tanaka Taro-kun" Izaya's lips curved upwards, as he headed into another area of the large apartment.

"Eh? Ah, th-that's really not necessary. You don't have to," Mikado insisted, but sat down as Izaya said to. "and please don't call me that."

"Don't worry, I want some for myself, anyway." The older male reasoned with him.

"Oh, I see. Well, if you will make me some, then thank you." Mikado reluctantly gave in to Izaya's offer.

"I'm surprised you'd trust me enough to drink my tea. I could poison it, you know~" Izaya teased him. And Mikado sighed. He couldn't win for losing. Oh well.

"But you wouldn't, would you? It wouldn't benefit you at all, right?" He suddenly challenged.

Izaya seemed to be taken by surprise when he said that because there was a moment of silence before he replied again.

"...Ah? You think so? Maybe you are right. But humans do weird and harmful things sometimes, ne?"

"Well that's true." Mikado nodded.

Some time passed and Izaya had brought back two fresh glasses of tea, with a small smile that didn't seem to meet his eyes. "Go ahead and drink up. I normally don't make things myself, so this is the first thing in a while."

"Ah, I see. It's really good, though. In fact, this is perfect, Izaya-san." Mikado's eyes lit up when he tasted the tea.

"It's nothing that great, but thank you." Izaya shook his head, not particularly in the mood for any of his humans' flattery right now.

"I-" Mikado had started to speak, when Izaya cut him off.

"So what brought you here today, anyway?" The frivolous jacket wearing man forced himself to ask. He was pretty sure that Mikado likely hadn't come here to buy information from him, but if it wasn't that, then what was it?

"...I talked to Shizuo-san yesterday." Mikado muttered, eyes slightly downcast.

Izaya froze before growing visibly anxious and irritated. "Is that so? And what did you happen to talk with Shizu-chan about?"

"...Your arm. It's bleeding, isn't it?" Mikado said suddenly, stopping Izaya in his tracks, as he seemed to not even be caring about possible irritation of him bringing up Shizuo.

"...So he told you about it, then?" muttered Izaya.

"Ah, well he did tell me about what happened between you two that day, but I was in the crowd with Sonohara-san and I saw it, myself, so I already kind of know what he didn't tell me." Mikado explained, once again averting his gaze a bit.

"I see. Are you here to lecture me, then? If so, you might as well leave." Said the other with an intent gaze. Mikado was silent for a moment, before smiling a bit.

"No, I'm not here to lecture you at all. In fact," he briefly paused before directly meeting Izaya's eyes. "you might could even say it's kind of the opposite."

And once again, the auburn eyed information broker was taken by surprise due to the ordinary but not so ordinary human being Ryuugamine Mikado. There was something about him that just stood out and made him want to understand him yet he also just seemed too innocent that he just had to beware of him, but it was nothing too out of the picture. To be honest, it was actually quite exhilarating, and this was why he loved humans, even seemingly average ones.

"Oh? How so?" Still, he didn't understand what Mikado felt like had could accomplish by coming here, much less about some cuts or minor injuries after he had happened to talk to Shizuo and when he had already seen it. Then again, he did that kind of stuff all the time, such as when this same high school student first arived in Ikebukuro and he had suspected him of having something to do with the Dollars.

"I wanted to see it for myself."

These were the last words he had honestly expected to hear from him, so in that moment, "why?" was all he could have uttered.

"What would that accomplish?" Mikado asked rhetorically, before smiling a bit. "Well, I don't think it will accomplish anything, but I want to know who you are because I think you and I could get along better if we really knew each other. Just like with you and Shizuo-san."

What was Mikado even saying? Izaya wanted to know because it wasn't making sense to him. Mikado was contradicting himself in more ways than one. He took a sip of his tea, and was about to say something when said high kouhai spoke again.

"You see, I personally think Shizuo-san goes by more logic than you think. You may have already assumed this, but maybe he "hates" you because he doesn't understand you. From what I can tell he gets frustrated easier when he doesn't understand what somebody is talking about or doesn't know how to relate to things, so it would only make sense that he'd try to push you away. Maybe down deep, he was actually afraid that even you would reject him or rather you annoyed him because you were the only one he was truly afraid of hurting emotionally. He may have felt like his feelings for you would go away if he pushed you away or got rid of you. They do say "out of sight out of mind". Maybe he was also even afraid of understanding you, because of his temper. Not only that, but perhaps he didn't understand how anybody can just smile at everything the way you do or furthermore how you could ever want to find a use for the 'strength' and 'monster' he hates so much. Did you ever think that in reality it's possible that whether he even knows it or not, one reason he hates you so much is because he was actually always chasing your back, down deep, this whole time. If you think about it, he often only sees things in black and white, so maybe it's not you he despises, but rather himself and he says he hates you because, once again, you would try to embrace _"something like him"_ and labeled you as unreachable from day one. "

"Why exactly did you even truly approach Shizuo-san to begin with?" Mikado suddenly asked him.

Izaya sighed, not even caring to charge Mikado for such trivial details. "Isn't it obvious? It's because I love humans, but I honestly don't know what to think now. There was a point in time when I tried to love him just like any other human, you know? But he hated me and I didn't understand why... Why did it hurt so bad?"

"Izaya-san, look, I know you say you hate him, " Mikado said, noticing an intense sympathy he was suddenly feeling. "and I know it will probably sound cliche, but I think you two should try to get to know each other better no matter what it takes, because I truly believe if you do, you'll find that you have a little more in common than you knew or thought you did. Also... Your relationship reminds me a little of Kida-kun's and mine."

He knew Izaya would probably end up hating him for "lecturing him", but he felt that those two needed to come to terms with whatever misunderstanding there had been between them. And he knew that they would have never confronted it unless somebody had encouraged them both to do so, so he had just decided to take it into his own hands.

"Is that... so? " But surprisingly, Izaya was nearly silent. For the first time, he had not a single argument to make.

Suddenly leaning back a bit and lifting his arm over his eyes, he thought to himself. _"Seriously? This is honestly one reason I hate him so much. He's so too unpredictable... But, maybe... Shizu-chan and I the same in that way after all, huh...?"_

He laughed. _"Only one way to fix that, I guess."_

 _..._

That's right.

Just like Ryuugamine Mikado and Masaomi Kida.

" _The thread that binds is so snarled now I don't think either of us can untangle it. In that case… All we can do is burn the thread and start from scratch, right?"_

 _..._

 _~ End of Chapter_

...

 _ **A/N: What did you think? Hell, even both Aoba and Izaya both underestimated Mikado and I believe that Narita even said that Shizuo was kind of writing himself, so I hope I'm not stepping too far out of line.**_

 _ **Also, thank you for all the followers and especially favs. I honestly never expected this story as popular as what it even is[though that's the same story with all of my fanfiction], so thank you for your support and reviews. It really means a lot. ^^**_

 _ **Replies to reviews**_

 _ **To InlovewithShizaya: Yeah, it even does kind of express in the novels that he takes more of a neutral standpoint on things. So I feel like he was a good character to play that role. Tom is also one of my favorites and his relationship with Tom reminds me a little bit of Izaya and Shinra's. It reminds me of the trope"because you accepted me.". I had some fun writing it. And Tom is kind of like a younger brother to Shizuo in a way.**_


	18. Chapter 14

_**Story: Read Between the Lines, Chapter 14**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!**_

 ** _Random quote from Izaya from the Drama CD_**

 ** _"Saying 'Sayonara' (long farewell, with the possibility of seeing someone again in the long future)_** ** _would be somewhat monotonous._** ** _I'll try seeing you off nonchalantly,_** ** _saying 'Abayo' instead (goodbye forever/good riddance slang)"_**

 ** _(He did only say 'try', and he did say 'ah' before Shizuo got off the phone to confirm his "abayo", and only said "sayounara" after Shizuo had hung up)_**

 ** _"It's not that I enjoyed bothering you,_** ** _It's that I was too embarrassed to admit that was love."_**

 ** _The cover for the CD._**

 ** _And Rubi no Yubiwa._**

 ** _It can't be a coincidence. *^*_**

 ** _Not with Rubi no Yubiwa._**

 ** _Coincidences don't happen twice. They don't; I swear it!_**

 ** _..._**

 _"If you want his love, you have to be a friend first. Start with your own, to love him on the line, go to him as a friend on the line, and you will see that he was unexpectedly the type of guy who has the strong bond of friendship." (Kadota, Sunset Novel)(this won't just be just friendship, but I think it's important to be a friend first(naturally) if your going be in a real relationship with someone and a mutual connection needs to be established first)_

...

It was true that Heiwajima Shizuo detested the numerous things that Izaya had done to him, such as framing him for so many crimes, mocking him, bringing him into his problems, and everything he had reflected on before.

He hated violence and hated that the only person that had truly accepted him happened to be somebody he felt was only looking at humanity and not him as a person; he hated how he felt like Izaya just wanted to make him use that violence that he hated.

And it was also true that something about him just spelled trouble all over him. It was because of that; at most points he only used it on Izaya to push and keep him away.

He had never wanted to get close to Izaya, because, for one, he didn't want to hurt those close to him, and nor did he want to risk getting his hopes up for something that just wasn't possible. Aside from that, Izaya had never once seemed to be afraid of Shizuo's strength, since the first day they met, and in fact seemed to almost welcome Shizuo to fight him and tear him to pieces, which absolutely irked him to no end. It wasn't as if Shizuo thought Izaya was invincible, but rather that he never showed any weaknesses or openings and that scared him.

Secondly, he knew that if he did ever grow to understand Izaya, he would most assuredly grow attached to somebody who would never see him for him.

He hated his violence and strength and refused to allow himself to even risk falling for deception. And even in the case that Izaya was honest, he knew...

He didn't deserve such good thing.

So he had to hate him, because he knew that Izaya would and never could be his friend or anything more without hurting people, because his luck was just that _shitty_.

However, the question always racked his mind every time he saw Izaya. _"Why?"_

 _"Why did such a shitty thing happen?"_

 _"And why to me? Do I deserve it afterall? Why is it so annoying?"_

He hated how such a temptation had been put upon him when he didn't want it, couldn't risk it, couldn't understand it, and couldn't deal with it?

More importantly, when he _needed_ it to _complete_ _himself_.

Izaya had never appeared to express hesitation and he was always standing above the world like nothing phased him and never went back like some cowards, and seemed to _just take everything_. He guessed that was something he admired or even envied in Izaya about how even though he knew probably everyone hated him, and even if he seemed lonely, he kept going and didn't stopped even knowing he might could die.

He was just a human after all, and that's yet another thing that annoyed him.

He was just an incredibly agile and flexible human.

A human that from the beginning had always been out of his reach, at least by an inch. Both literally and tangibly, that _flea_ had always managed to slip from his grip.

He himself was always always always the one chasing Izaya, so was it possible that he actually wanted just once for Izaya to be the one chase him?

It was true that he had never been afraid of hurting him, but that's the thing that made him so scared.

He knew it wasn't a real reason to hate somebody, but he had.

Could that be why Izaya hated him so much?

If so, then he had hurt both of them.

 _"Why does he always come back, knowing I could kill him; that I'm a monster? He acts like it doesn't even phase him; like he's amused by it. It pisses me off so damn much, but why? Varona did the same thing, didn't she? He's not afraid of me either, so I should be glad for that. I know that I should, but I just... can't dammit! It annoys me to no end, probably because now I'm only now realizing just how_ 'human' _that guy may be; ah, man, I'm such a hypocrite, aren't I? Maybe it's my fault after all? What am I saying? Anybody who so casually points a knife at somebody deserves to die, but... I guess he's probably pointed it at himself the most of all..."_

It was an honest thought.

"Maybe the reason I hate him the most really is just because I don't understand him, after all, and more importantly because he doesn't even understand himself. I hate to say it, but _knowing_ someone is far different than _understanding_ them..."

And that thought is what lead to him standing here in the middle of town facing the same glossy black haired man whom he had been thinking about.

It had started with a phone call two hours ago after getting the auburn eyed man's number from Shinra.

 _Somewhere in Ikebukuro, a couple hours ago._

 _Ring. Ring_. _Ring_. _Rin-_

The phone clicked on, but the speaker answered with not a traditional, _"moshimoshi",_ but _"Shizu-chan?"_.

While Shizuo did find himself irritated at the stupid name, he was somehow relieved that Izaya still dared to call him such a thing, because it showed him that Izaya really wasn't afraid of him after all.

However, there was a brief question as to how Izaya had known it was him, but somehow he decided he didn't even care. If anything, he somehow found sickeningly hilarious that Izaya claimed to hate him so much yet seemed to know everything about him, but he also knew that the flea's loathing was exactly _why_ he stayed so close to him, regardless of the reasons he hated him.

"...I want to talk to you." He said almost immediately.

 _"Oh? What a coincidence. After some reconsideration, I've decided I wanted to talk to you as well,"_ Izaya told him, from the side of the phone line. _"so meet me in front of the Tokyu Hands store in Shibuya."_

"No," He swallowed, interrupting him suddenly, before speaking a language that only they could have understood."let's go to the one in _Ikebukuro_."

There was a long silence and Izaya seemed to be genuinely taken aback.

 _"...Ikebukuro? Is that your way of patronizing me?... Shizu-cha-"_

"I'm not patronizing you or anything. Just do what I say." Shizuo said curtly, not fond of lengthy telephone conversations.

 _"Why should I-? Actually, fine, whatever. I'd rather not have a monster growling at me anyway. Bye."_

Two hours later.

So here they were, "facing" and "confronting" each other in the city that Shizuo had told Izaya numerous times to stay out of, but now that they _were_ here, neither could find the words they needed to speak their mind and needless to say, Izaya somehow felt cornered even though his smirk was in place as always. People who were aware who these two figures of Ikebukuro appeared to be keeping their distance and quickly darting in and out of the Tokyu Hands building of Sunshine City.

"So Shizu-chan, I-" Izaya started to speak.

"How many?.." Shizuo wanted to know, approaching him.

Izaya suddenly rose an eyebrow, back up a bit. "Excuse me? How many _what_?"

"How many cuts?"

Izaya swallowed, but before he could speak, Shizuo continued in a soft tone, but loud enough voice that Izaya could hear him.

"Well, you've probably lost count, I'd think, so what I'm asking is two different things. First; how many more cuts and how many more words have you written since I last saw you? And two;... how many do you think have been because of something I've said or done to you, or, should I say, _not_ done?..."

Izaya was utterly taken aback for once, because normal Shizuo wouldn't be asking Izaya anything personal or speaking to him with such a calm and open-hearted voice much less tone and even expressing to him any kind of understanding. A strange feeling bubbled in his stomach and he suddenly looked down. He knew Shizuo was unpredictable, but this was...

"I-"

"I understand if you don't want to talk about them or why you cut yourself, or what you even wrote or whatever, but that's why I just wanted to ask how many. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want, but sometimes... talking helps, you know? Anyway, look, all I'm asking for is numbers, see?"

Something inside of him forced him to say, "I don't give information for free, Shizu-chan... You and anybody else who associates with me should know that, by now. I-"

To which Shizuo once again threw him off.

"Oh, right, that's your job, isn't it? Yeah, I knew that. I just hoped you would answer me despite that. I guess I understand though."

It was obvious that Shizuo was trying his damndest to get along with him, and so he couldn't help but wonder how much it would take to make Shizuo give up on him, but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to even try to make Shizuo leave now. And how he hated feeling this restrained by personal feelings yet again.

 _"Kill me already, Shizu-chan... try to attack me, so I can... have a reason to destroy you again."_

Why was Shizuo acting so reasonable for once only when he least wanted it?

He couldn't take it.

Originally, he wanted to corner him and blackmail him to know how Shizuo really felt about him, but as it was... He didn't even know what he felt for Shizuo. It was almost like he wanted Shizuo's humanity for himself, but when it was finally shown to him, he wanted to destroy it or push it away at times. He refused to call it some mushy thing like heartache. He wasn't some overinfatuated man who could be dragged down by such a thing as love, was he?

There, however was a sudden realization that he hadn't informed anybody of where he was going, all because the recent happenings with Shizuo had thrown him off.

He looked up at Shizuo when there was suddenly a loud gunshot that sounded off, followed by screams, seconds before a huge pain entered his right abdomen. Eyes widening, he immediately clutching the area he'd been shot, nearly loosing his footing. Barely standing, he looked up ahead, before seeing a larger male figure, and while his vision was slightly blurred, he could barely make out the defining red eyes.

He was an information broker, so personal feelings only ever got in the way just like right now, because it's almost definite that he wouldn't have been shot otherwise. If he had thought to notify the Dragon Zombies that he was going into Ikebukuro, then perhaps that guy's wrist or even neck would have been broken by Mikage and it could have been prevented.

 _"I see he's already made his move then though..."_ Were his last last thoughts before Shizuo spoke.

"Izaya...! Crap!" He turned in the direction Izaya had been looking in and saw the figure running off, and started to run toward a car driving by to rip off their door. "You BASTARD, you have to know that a gun shot wound can kill somebody, right?! Which means you were trying to kill him, right?! I know that Izaya may be a bastard too, but he didn't deserve to be taken advantage of for letting his guard down! I'm gonna-!"

"Shizu...chan, don't...!"

At hearing Izaya's weak voice, he immediately turned back around and come back over to his side, reluctantly allowing the man to slip from his sight, and the car he was running towards swiftly sped past him. People were now staring at them.

"But-"

"It's... fine... 's...not his fault. Didn't you see the...red eyes? Besides,... I know who he's working for. For right now,... I need to get to Shinra's."

" So he's working under orders of that demon blade Psyche or... whatever. Fine, but I may kill somebody later if you don't give me their name... Killkillkill... damnit!"

(((In light novel 2, Celty misheard "Saika" and thought it to be pronounced "psyche", AKA 'Saiku' in Japanese.)))

"Why are you... getting so worked up anyway?... You never...cared about my wellbeing before, though Shinra didn't either, I guess... Anyway, I-"

"I'll take you take you there."

"...Huh?" Izaya rose an eyebrow yet again, wondering if he'd heard wrong, but his stomach was in too much pain and he was honestly too weak to think over any other option.

Aside from that, he couldn't have chose any other if wanted to-

Because, when some nearby traffic cops started walking towards him and he finally started collapsing and was so damn vulnerable to Shizuo, the very person who he had labeled as a monster reached out and caught him, refusing to let him fall.

And so he was now lying bridal style in Shizuo's arms, wanting to fight against the annoying brute's help because he hated owing people things, yet had not the strength to do so.

Feeling his surroundings begin to wizz past him, he suddenly felt even more cornered, yet somehow amused. He hated this, and was not use to being in such a position. Shizuo was a monster; he could have just called Namie-

Suddenly a frown formed on his face, as he thought about his ex-secretary. _"Oh, right, I fired her."_

Though it was true he probably would have been sent to a hospital had it not been for Shizuo and Namie had he been the one involved.

 _"Shit, I really have lost sight, haven't I? This really is why I always avoid making useless attachments to people. And now I have to let such a monster, whom I'm suppose to hate more than anybody else, help me. How sad is that?"_ at that last thought, he laughed.

"Oi, stop laughing. You're injured and it's annoying, you piece of shit..."

It was obvious Shizuo was only saying that because he had actually wanted to hurt the guy that was responsible for this.

"Thank you...for your patronage,... Shizu-chan... I could have made it to Shinra's house...myself, you know..."

"By crawling there or rather getting Celty to come and get you, you mean? You reckless ass flea, nobody can do everything or anything completely by themselves, especially when they look like this. You're not like me or Celty or even Shinra with his eccentric values and attitude, you know. You're just an ordinary human, Izaya, so quit smiling like such a shit as if you're something you're not. You're not indestructible. You can be hurt just like any other human being, and proof of that is what you've been doing to your arm and possibly other places I don't know about. You do it to relieve stress, after all, because there must be something you're afraid of facing or you create one unbearable pain to destract yourself from another pain. And that fear alone is proof, Izaya... it proves just how human you are... You're just an ordinary human being who can fear suffering just like any other... and you just happened to have a weak heart." Shizuo told him in a soft voice, as he successfully scaled his way through the large Tokyo crowds towards Shinra's apartment condominium on Kawagoe Highway.

"Just an... ordinary human..." Izaya repeated, letting the words slowly slip out.

He had already known that all along, and that's what he hated the most. He hated being normal. He hated just being a human. He hated having a brittle heart and having people be able to read him. He hated being weak and being influenced by humans and he envied Kishitani Shinra for his ability to live above them as well as his eccentric best friend's unwaverable heart. Perhaps he was like Ryuugamine Mikado in that way...

Still, he himself envied Kida Masaomi for being able to be cared for by the one he felt he had hurt the most.

He envied Mikado for his strong but outstanding ability to take action.

He envied Kyouhei Kadota for his kindness and ability to make real friends and to be able to appreciate them without going "too far", and for his honesty within himself.

He envied his sisters even for the mutual understanding and love they had for each other, not that he was too keen on the way they involved themselves with each other.

 _ **((Incest is wincest as the Anime man would say xD))**_

Above all, he envied Shizuo for his ability to make connections despite hurting people, but even more importantly than that, he had always envied the kindness that Shizuo had always offered to other people and not himself.

He lacked so many things and he hated it. That was precisely why he loved humans; because they were so much more interesting than he himself was to observe.

As long as he had them, he had thought he was fine, so was he really that weak after all?

 _If only I was more knowledgeable, maybe I could understand myself better and answer that question, though I don't even really want to try._

"You're too kind...for a monster, you know. That's what I hate yet love about you,...Shizu-chan... How ironic, huh?" Izaya let out several shaky breaths, as he spoke, before only letting the second part of what he had admitted aloud sink in too late, but he said it so low that he didn't even know if Shizuo had heard, and at least half of his very being desperately hoped he hadn't.

And even if he had, Shizuo said nothing, even as his face heated up at his "slip-up" or "mistake".

Soon enough, Shizuo stopped and Izaya soon heard him knock on a door, before he then soon distantly heard Shinra's voice and that's when he passed out.

...

 _~End of Chapter_

 _ **A/N: What do you think? Who do you think shot Iza? Sorry, I had to have something happen.**_

 _ **And anyway, please review! Please? *sobs***_

 _ **( By the way, I see I have more followers and favorites building up. Thank you so much! x3 )**_

 _ **Replies to Reviews:**_

 _ **To inlovewithshizaya:**_

 _ **I actually love Mikado in a way like I love Izaya, but I do get extremely annoyed when people say Izaya corrupted him. If anything you could actually consider it the other way around Izaya pointed out multiple times that Mikado could have turned around, but Mikado fully chose his life and and even dwelve into the past. He knew that Izaya was dangerous, but in fact he was fasinated by the danger. Mikado rejected Izaya's advice to value his everyday life and only took heed to what he wanted to. Both Aoba and Izaya also underestimated him.**_

 _ **I love him, but I do hate misinterpretations about characters and when people spout off nonsense about things they're not doing proper research about.**_

 _ **Maybe that's just me, though ^^**_

 _ **To Guest: A flagraiser? I hope that's a good thing. XD**_

 _ **To Friend: I'm glad you're enjoying it!**_

 _ **To unknown: I'm glad you liked it! And Mikado's intentions will come out soon enough. Perhaps he's just experimenting kind of like he does otherwise. XD**_

 _ **Though Mikado is kind of like Izaya and recongizes feelings pretty easily, so he would totally have to see hints xD**_

 _ **D4nna: I think it's possible to be somebody's friend even if you don't like their life choices. I do think that Izaya appreciates Shinra more than the other way around though. I wouldn't say that Izaya is exactly glad about that though. Shinra has more or less just accepted Izaya for who he is.**_

 _ **Though Tom did once make a comment or something about Shinra being a (ultimate) mastermind that doesn't care that he is one. After all, he's the whole reason that Izaya became as twisted as he did. So their relationship is a detached sort of friendship. Shinra only comes to Izaya if he were to ask him for help.**_

 _ **He felt Izaya was fine at the hospital because Izaya didn't say that he wasn't.**_

 _ **On the other hand, any time that Shinra really needed Izaya's help(like with the White Day chocolate thing in the Shinra gaiden)he was there for him and helped him in his own way.**_

 _ **However, if Izaya actually pushed aside his pride and genuinely asked to talk to Shinra, I think that Shinra would be there as a friend as well.**_

 _ **To Aurel: thank you so much for all your reviews! It means so much that you've enjoyed it as much as you have so far!**_

 _ **To JORDYNSAMA: thank you! I'm glad you liked it and I hope you enjoyed this chapter just as much.**_

 _ **Guest: Seeing as I don't really like to make promises and disappoint people, and considering that I'm in the middle of writing far too many stories as it is(at least 22 or so), I don't have a specific update date, but I try update stories as much as I can.**_

 _ **...**_

 _ **So many reviews since last time *^***_

 _ **Makes me happy x3**_


	19. Chapter 15

_**Story: Read Between the Lines, Chapter 15**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!**_

 _ **Warning: poor Shizu-chan can never understand or decide on his feelings for Izaiza.**_

 ** _Oh, and Mikage canonly has feelings for Izaya, but don't mind her, she'll support him as long as Shizuo is kind to Izaya. I mean she still cares for him somewhere down deep. And guys, please tell me what you think of my depiction of Shinra! Please, it's very important to hear your opinions on my way of writing Mikage and Shinra. Oh, and Shizu too!_**

 ** _Also, please forgive my ignorance of nursing. -~-_**

 _ **...**_

Shizuo couldn't think straight. His feet eventually started to just carry him. His mind was in chaos, his worry had only kept growing, he was afraid; _terrified_ in fact of loosing somebody who could be considered a valuable asset to his daily life. Somebody who he was used to seeing practically every other day jumping around like nothing ever phased him. Somebody that irked him, but he just could never seem to get rid of. He had deemed Izaya an _untouchable flea bastard_ , but yet here said man was possibly _dying in his arms._

 _"I can't let him die. I swear it... He has to live, he'd better not submit to death, or I'll kill him three times as hard, dammit!"_ he internally swore, panting as he carried Izaya.

He had to save Izaya, but why? He hated him, didn't he?

Yes, he knew, in so many more ways than he could count, he hated Izaya, he _loathed_ those things about him, but -

 _"He's a_ human! _And he's_ just human. _I can't let him die on my watch, especially not when I'm closer to grasping the hand I should have grasped ages ago! Dammit."_

In approximately one hour, he'd ran a number of miles that would have normally taken a car at least three hours, but Shizuo was neither aware of this fact and didn't care about it at all.

He cared about one thing and one thing only.

"Sh- _Shizuo-kun_?! Wait, what happened to Orihara-kun? What did you do to him?!" was the exclaimed response of his elementary school friend to seeing him covered in blood and holding Izaya bridal style.

"I didn't do anything to him! You're a doctor, right?! Fucking fix him if you don't want to die, and if you don't _him_ want to die, you'd better do it as soon as possible, _got it?_!" Shizuo snapped threateningly, immediately glaring at him.

Shinra edged back with an oh-so-innocent smile, defensively holding his hands up.

"O-okay! Calm down! C-come on in, then!..."

...

Izaya had been lain on a stretcher. Shinra quickly checked Izaya's pulse, before he cut off the bloodied area of his shirt, and began to looking over, and immediately began cleaning, steralizing and examining the injury on the informants abdomen.

"This could have been a lot worse, we're lucky he _hasn't_ died to be honest, but he probably won't be able to walk for a while after this, though. Do you know who it was that shot him?" He asked after a while.

"No, the flea hardly said anything- just that 'they' had already made a move or something. Ugh! Why does that bastard always do shit alone?! That's one thing that pisses me off about him!"

"Hm, I've always thought it was kind of respectable," Shinra said, but when Shizuo glared at him, he corrected himself. "but not like that! I agree that Orihara-kun doesn't rely on people very well, but he's actually usually pretty rational, you know? Even so, he honestly doesn't deal with his emotions very well, but, believe it or not, he's actually a fairly emotional guy. Yet he doesn't like that, people and himself knowing that he's _human_ , you see? That is why he finds emotions and empathy to be too 'unethical' for him. It almost seems like he tries to reject them by relying on pure logic instead." Shinra told Shizuo with a fond smile.

"But, knowing him, he probably doesn't want to risk being hurt because he also thinks of that as unethical, but I doubt Izaya himself even knows that it's a form of fear in itself." he explained.

As Shinra said all this, he had been cleaning Izaya's wound, and soon enough filled it with some kind of odd gauze sheets to clot the blood. Shizuo just listened to him talk, intently studying Izaya's expression as he slept. He was very pale, obviously from lack of blood.

"...You know, I think Izaya turned out the way he did partially because of me getting stabbed." Shinra said, catching Shizuo's attention.

"I'll never forget the look of shock and bitterness on his face when I got stabbed by Nakura-kun," Shinra explained. "and I've actually never seen such a dispaired yet resolved look on his face again ever since. He really seemed kind of desperate for me to blame him for that back then, even though it wasn't completely even his fault."

"It wasn't his or your fault at all!" Shizuo suddenly snapped jumping up towards Shinra, in utter disagreement, causing the doctor to jump slightly.

"That Nakura bastard is the one who pointed the knife at you, right?!"

"Y-yeah? He was-" Shinra sqeaked, startled by Shizuo's outburst.

"And a knife can kill a person, right?!"

"Y-yeah, it can..."

"And if you point a knife at somebody, you shouldn't have a problem with being killed, right?! And nor should you have any complaints with your life going to hell if you run off like some shitty coward, RIGHT?!"

"R-Right! P-please calm down! I didn't mean to offend you!" Shinra jumped back, scared.

"DAMMIT! You see, only assholes do that shit! Hell, I'd fucking make him suffer too, damn it! And, more importantly, after seeing something like that, without being able to do anything to protect his best and only friend... He'd almost have to be traumatized or something. That bastard Nakura deserves every bit of shit he's recieved from Izaya!"

Shinra gave him a fond and soft smile. "You suddenly seem to care a bit for Orihara-kun, Shizuo-kun..."

"...It's true that Izaya is annoying as hell to me for personal reasons, but I can't stand people who never take responsibility for what they do to anybody." Shizuo said.

 _"So he's finally acknowledging that Orihara-kun does sometimes take responsibility, huh?..."_ Shinra thought, but said nothing.

"Oh! Shizuo-kun! I need to take some of your blood! Kasuka-kun once told me you were type O blood."

"Right now?! I'm gonna kill you!"

"No, it's not for my research! It's for Izaya! I swear it!" Shinra waved his arms to correct himself and save himself from the misunderstanding that had just about happened.

"...For Izaya?" Shizuo inquired, suddenly calm again.

"Y-yeah," Shinra nodded a bit sheepishly. "you and him have the same blood type, and I don't have any O type blood around here, since that's the one that most anybody can accept, but nobody except for O types can accept O Type blood... For a doctor, I must sound pretty useless, huh?... I mean... I'm asking his worst enemy to save his life and all. I understand if you don't want to, but he is still my friend, so-"

"No, I'll do it." Shizuo interrupted him, sighing, but suddenly a smirk showed on Shizuo's face.

"Wait, really?!" Shinra exclaimed.

"Yeah, and I'll make sure to make that flea tell me about those shitty cuts on his arm in return while I'm at it too-"

"Wait, you know about his self-harm issues?..." Shinra asked, with a sudden oddly serious inquiring expression on his face. Shizuo stiffened when Shinra asked that, but not because he himself had let his own knowledge slip.

"Wait, _you_ knew?"

"A-ah! Yeah, but I should tell you later; he really needs the blood transfusion fas-!" Shinra stammered in shock at the intense look from Shizuo.

"You bastard, how long have you known about his self-harming habits?!" The blonded demanded, grabbing him by his lab coat.

"Why didn't you tell somebody?! Why didn't you help him?! You're a doctor, aren't you?!" He shouted.

"...It's because Izaya doesn't want my help." Shinra said softly, smiling, a hint of sudden sadness in his grey eyes at that truth. "and I am a doctor, Shizuo-kun, not a psychologist."

"So you..." Shizuo suddenly swallowed, his arm dropping. " _just let him suffer?_..."

"There was nothing else I _could_ do... Sorry." Shinra looked away.

"Izaya is your friend, _no_ , that guy is your _best_ friend!" Shizuo retaliated, refusing to let this go. "You know him better than anybody else! You were the first and only true friend he ever had! He probably accepted you more than anybody else, and again, you were the only one to truly accept _him_ for who _he_ is! Who the hell else...in this damned world could be there for him if _you_ of all people couldn't?!"

" _You_ could, Shizuo-kun..." Shinra answered softly, but with no less intensity than Shizuo had been yelling with.

"What?..."

"You love him, Shizuo, more than I ever could in this world. You're the one that focuses on him the most and vice versa... There's nothing I could ever say or do to prevent him from doing that to himself and ripping his body to shreds even if when I tried. It's _because_ he's my best friend that I gave up trying. I stopped because he is _Orihara Izaya_..."

 _"What the hell...?"_ Shizuo's eyes widened a bit, before his face suddenly went flat. With that last sentence from Shinra, something just snapped in the doctor's "friend". He didn't even care to bicker with him any more. He was too tired to argue against his logic. He just wanted to see Izaya's face.

"...You know what, Shinra?"

"What?"

"I don't even care anymore... Just take all of my fucking blood if you want... I have but one request... It is to SAVE IZAYA'S GODDAMNED LIFE!"

Shinra smiled nervously at Shizuo's compliance, but backed away, still scared. "Okay, if you say so. Come over here."

He led him to a chair, pulling out the needed equipment preparing a needle. Shizuo swallowed. "I'm gonna kill that bastard flea for this..."

"Um, sorry for intruding. I wanted to thank you for bring Izaya here, Heiwajima Shizuo..." a deep tomboyish voice suddenly said at the door of the room they were in. At hearing his name, Shizuo looked up to see a red haired young woman who was probably in her early twenties. She was wearing what appeared to be a type of training brazer, and some tight shorts. She appeared to be very well built for a female.

"Huh? Who are you?" Shizuo asked.

"Oh! It's been quite a while, Mikage-chan! How are you?" Shinra suddenly greeted her, seemingly excited, before turning back to face Shizuo's now bare arm, after he had pulled on some latex gloves and rolled Shizuo's left sleeve up.

"Kishitani, there's no need for greetings right now, when I both followed that guy here, and have heard your entire conversation." Mikage said, cutting to the chase. She wasn't the type to ever beat around the bush. She was always direct.

"I-I see..." Shinra briefly scratched the back of his neck with his wrist, not sure what to say. He then turned back, searching for a good vain, steralizing Shizuo's arm, before poking him with the needle.

"Heiwajima-san, I'll be honest with you... I always loved Izaya, so, quite frankly, I'm very jealous of you for being able to gain his attention the way you can, but I'm not the type to try to kill you because he won't ever return my feelings like some would. But even so, if you do two get together, he puts his trust in you, and you hurt him or break his heart, I swear to god I _will_ kill you for _that_ , got it?"

"Y-yeah." Shizuo nodded, somehow taken aback by the woman, and then started to ask again-

"Who-"

"Sharaku Mikage. I'm one of Izaya's paid bodyguards for Dragon Zombie, but, actually,... I knew him back in high school... and I had feelings for him even back then. It is true that Izaya can be huge jerk at times, but I still couldn't help falling for him, you know...?" she reflected, gazing toward Izaya. "He's very charming, very cunning, very manipulative, but he's very fair with everybody, and above all, he saw and even kind of embraced the female inside of me that everybody else made fun of me for... because of... It's because of _him_ that I was able to become stronger and even embrace myself... But the problem with that guy, is, as Kishitani says, he's simply very human that is why it's annoying. Firstly, you can't bribe that guy with anything, or hardly get that guy to do anything for you, because of how stubborn he is..." Mikage gave a soft, but disheartened, smile when she glanced over at the stretcher Izaya was laying on.

Discomfort was evident on Izaya's face as he slept, but somehow he seemed more peaceful than not since he wasn't annoyingly faking his smile as he normally did.

"You have to embrace who he is, get it...? Be patient with him if you want to get him to do anything for you..." Mikage said. "Look, when that idiot wakes up, tell him I'll be back by sometime, okay? I have to go report to Kine-san about his state. See ya."

"Of course, will do. See you later, Mikage-chan." Shinra replied, nodding in understanding.

Soon enough, he had gotten enough blood from Shizuo to do a transfusion and quickly got to work on Izaya's arm after bandaging Shizuo's.

"Who knew that I'd finally get to get that sample of your blood, but that Izaya would recieve it instead? Ne, Shizuo-kun?~"

"Just hurry it up, already..."

"Sure thing."

 _~End of Chapter._

...

 _ **A/N: I'm sorry, but Mikage really did canonly love Izaya, but we don't really have much insight to their past, much to my sadness. Izakage is one ship I truly support outside of Shizaya. Anyway, tell me what you guys think, ne?**_

 _ **Replies to reviews:**_

 _ **unknown, Thank you! It makes me happy you're enjoying it so much.**_

 _ **TheDreamFlareAlchemist, Aw, it's nothing professional(At least not as good as Narita), but I have been studying some psychology lately since last updating. ^^ And I'm really glad you're reading it.**_

 _ **Luna, here it was. Hope it was something likable x')**_

 _ **miaoni, Naw, Iza's not dead. I wouldn't do something that mean. (lol my heart couldn't take it either) ;)**_


	20. Chapter 16

_**Story: Read Between The Lines**_

 _ **Disclaimer: I don't own Durarara!**_

 _ **Note: So...I've finally decided that this is going to be a canon-divergent that takes place some time after Izaya ended up in the hospital. And the timing is just gonna be a bit different, which is why Shinra isn't injured yet and also why Namie is still in Japan. I hope you guys don't mind, and that you'll try to use your imagination. I know that a bunch of you are probably mad at or upset with me at this point, but one of these days, I swear I'm gonna go through and correct and refine this story in so many places and ways, so the timing makes sense... Anyway, I want to do it this way because in doing so, Shizuo and Izaya can have their proper end, just as Shinra and Celty did and Mikado, Anri, and Masaomi, and everybody else was able to.**_

 _ **Please don't kill me! T~T**_

 _ **I hope you enjoy my developement between Shinra and Izaya as well.**_

 _ **Replies to Reviews -**_

 _ **To Guest(number 2): It makes me really happy you liked it so much. And yes, I had to have those scenes. Shinra really doesn't act very nice to Izaya a lot of times.**_

 _ **To Guest(number 1): Poor Izaya, we'll work it out. I'm truly sorry for making you remember those hurtful memories. I promise he'll heal, and this time he'll have somebody next to him. ^^**_

 _ **To InlovewithShizaya: It's fine. Thanks for reviewing this time. And I feel like you can never worry enough for Izaya, but Shizu-chan will find a way.**_

...

The last thing Sturluson Celty had honestly expected to come home to was Orihara Izaya lying unconscious on one of her lover Shinra's spare stretchers.

What _made_ it so inconceivable... and kind of shocking was the fact that Izaya had just hired her for a job not but a few hours prior to then. And she had never imagined Izaya as a person that would ever let his guard down enough to get _shot_ by a person.

Yet, there he was, clear as day, in a white robe, which, compared to his normal dark clothing, seemed out of place for him. His frivolous long sleeved furlined coat was hanging over a nearby chair.

The unconscious informant's abdomen and right arm (and probably other areas) had been bandaged. She found herself suddenly wanting to doubt that it was even _Izaya_. She almost felt a little bit bad when she thought back to the times she had actually questioned if Izaya really _was_ _just_ human.

"Ah, Celty, Izaya got shot, so it seems like he might have to stay here for a few weeks while I keep an eye on his wound. Believe it or not, Shizuo-kun is actually the one who saved him." Shinra had explained to her the basis of the situation right when she had entered the house.

Which brought another another question to mind. It was something she felt compelled to ask, but she didn't know if she should.

"Yo, Celty, what's up?" greeted Shizuo, who was sitting at Izaya's bedside, with a soft and fond smile, when he noticed her there.

 _-Why did_ Shizuo _, of all people, save_ Izaya _?_

It didn't make sense to her at all, because from what she had always been sure of, they absolutely despised each other in the true meaning of the word.

Yet, then again, this _was Heiwajima Shizuo and Orihara Izaya_ ; they were _always_ acting different than what you'd ever expect of them, no matter _what_ the situation was.

And, to top it off, if _Izaya_ had proven himself _human_ enough to get shot and bleed in front of _Shizuo_ , she didn't doubt for an instant that her blond friend might just feel _compelled_ to reach a hand out to him. That's just how Shizuo _was_ at times.

 _[How is he?]_ she found herself asking what any normal person probably would or at least _should_ in a situation like this.

"Uh... Well, he seems to be sleeping well enough,...but you know... it kind of feels odd not seeing him smirk in mockery like he always does... Shinra injected some anesthetic to hopefully help numb the pain a bit, but he says he might not be able to walk for a while..." Shizuo told her as he looked back to the sleeping figure with a strange serene expression.

At hearing his words Celty didn't say anything - couldn't think of anything to say if she wanted to - and just waited for Shizuo to continue, recognizing the look in his eyes.

"I always thought I hated Izaya, you know?... I mean... I still do in a way, but... I guess I too have made some mistakes in completely one hundred percent judging and trying to attack him right off the bat based off some rumors... No, I know he's not the best person out there, but... none of us are... and every single one of us are pretty damn flawed, so I've been thinking that I want to give patience some chance. I want to give him a chance. That way I can know for sure who Orihara Izaya really is down deep. I wish he'd have just been more honest when I met him, though, you know? To be honest, he's not really a good person _at all,_ in fact, but I realize now that Izaya does have enough of a human side in him to value friendship and care for his friend. That much I can respect. There are a lot of worse people out there than him. Also, I didn't really want to accept it before now..., but we're quite a bit alike, me and him... We're both loose screws who have problems with self control and connecting to the world. And he's kind of addictive."

Shizuo smirked a bit when he said that.

"...So now I want to know even more about him, no matter what or how long it takes." He sighed, then looking up, and across the room.

"I want to see just how much more human he is, discover even _more_ than _Shinra_ did about him, and bring out the very best in him, before finally taking him for myself. Ah, but the first step to do that is to get him to trust me, which may also take some time..." He then took off his glasses, remembering he had them on. "Well, it's not only that. There was also a woman that came by earlier that says she loves him. I feel like she entrusted him to me, so, it's not just for Izaya... I refuse to break a promise or screw up this opportunity, because I feel like this will also be a test to help _me_ learn how to control _myself_ as well..."

Celty was genuinely surprised by the words and confessions that had just came out of Shizuo's mouth, but placed her hand on his shoulder without hesitation.

 _[I believe in you, Shizuo! I'm sure you can do it if you put your heart to it!]_

The irony was that Sturluson Celty didn't even have a physical heart. Shizuo found himself laughing a bit at that fact for some reason.

"...Thanks, Celty." he smiled, acknowledging her supportive and enthusiastic words, genuinely happy to have somebody believe in him so much. "and I really mean it. You're always so supportive of me. I really do wish I could do something to make up for all the kindness and support you've shown me..."

Celty shook her head.

 _[You're my best friend in this world, Shizuo, so don't worry about it. You've done more than enough! ;)]_

"Even so, thank you,... really."

...

Izaya was in agony, and his stomach was burning. He bit back the excruciating pain, slowly opened his eyes, as he gazed around the room a bit. In the darkness of his unidentified surroundings, he managed to make out somebody's figure beside him, which he froze at first when he quickly identified it as Shizuo's.

He started to sit up, but an immense sharp pain sparked up as he did, causing him to hiss loudly and reluctantly fall back down onto the stretcher.

 _"Oh, right... I was shot in the abdomen by some Saika weilder... Seems that that man has finally made his move, but what will he do next? It's possible he'll go after me to finish me off, or maybe he'll finally try to claim Sonohara Anri, but Ryuugamine Mikado might choose to get caught up in that if he does. It's also likely somebody close to them, and he might even try to manipulate Shizu-chan in some way or another as well..., so I should probably-"_

"...Izaya?"

The informant's dazed figure suddenly tensed upon hearing his enemy's voice say his name _without_ hostility for once, after a minute.

" _Shizu-chan_...?" he asked back, a bit snidely.

"'Che... Yo, Shinra! The flea just woke up!" He called, startling Izaya.

Izaya immediately wanted to curse at Shizuo for getting Shinra involved in this, but he was too drowsy and in too much pain to really care that much at all. Even so, this was his own fault for acting on a high mood, so he just sighed, accepting this as punishment.

"It been a three days, just so you know." Shizuo told him, after a moment, turning the light on, causing Izaya to wince at the bright light as his dilated pupils tried to shrink and slowly adjust to the sudden change.

"Three days? Ah, I see..." the glossy black haired man muttered simply, before looking down to notice that his arm had been bandaged, and that he also had an IV in in arm. No, a _needle_.

He found himself immediately staring at it, entranced by the sudden urge to jerk it out to watch the blood simply _flow_. And he _would_ have-

But he immediately stopped himself when he heard somebody scuffling towards the door.

It was Shinra, as per expected. Izaya immediately turned away when he saw him.

"Hey, I heard that Orihara-kun was awake," the bespectacled doctor explained. "and I see Shizuo's right. Welcome back to the living world, number one human trash! How does it feel to be back?"

"My stomach feels sick, can you get me something for nausea?" Izaya said simply, but was somehow amused by his dramatic entrance.

"Of course I can, but it's probably because you haven't eaten anything for a little while... How are you feeling mentally, though?" Shinra inquired.

"...Just get my medicine, Shinra." Izaya didn't want to talk about himself at all regarding _anything_ _'mental related'._

"As you wish..." Shinra simply shrugged, smiling, as he opened one of the nearby shelves with a key he pulled out of his pocket. Slipping on some latex gloves, he began messing around with some pill bottles and other stuff in the cabinet.

"So who was it behind you getting shot? Have a clue, mister informant?" Shinra suddenly asked Izaya, who smiled in bravado.

"Oh, just some ex-teacher that had got fired a while back because of some complaints from students about sexual harrasment. It might have partially been own my fault, because I _did_ have a little hand in provoking him and all, after he stole some of the Awakusu-kai's money, but my _god_..., he was such an idiot, went right for the bait! Ha-ha-ha-ha! Ow-ow...!" Izaya suddenly cursed in pain, clutching his stomach.

Shizuo found himself disgusted that Izaya was laughing like that about such a guy and would have probably said something, if he hadn't suddenly remembered something.

"Wait, teacher... ? Are you talking about that one guy, Ta...Taku...Takashi Nasujima...!"

"Oh?" Izaya raised an eye brow at Shizuo, as he saw Shinra walk back over in the corners of his eyes.

"Shizu-chan knows him?"

"There's no way I could forget a shitty bastard like that..." Shizuo grumbled, clenching his fist against his chin as he thought back. "The damn coward had the balls to throw a fucking fire extinguisher in my face when Tom-san and I went to collect a debt from him. According to what Tom-san told me, he initially also lied about having the Yazuka backing him up, when all he really did was borrow cash from a back-alley loan shark working through the Awakusu-kai, thinking that was suppose to mean some shit..."

"Even I know how dangerous they can be if you cross them, so I _almost_ feel bad for him, _almost_... But it's not like it's my problem, and it's not like he didn't bring it on himself after all." Izaya smirked.

"Oh, I heard about him trying to flirt with Anri-chan a while ago and some other stuff that happened between him and a girl name 'Niekawa Haruna' as well, about him trying to use her and her family, but I didn't realize that he was under the control of Saika or anything like that..." Shinra muttered in deep thought holding out a small cup that had a small dark red circular tablet and an even smaller white tablet it, as well as a cup of water.

"Yeah, well," Izaya looked at the cup, but didn't make move to take it. "apparently, he's came into contact with a certain assailant. But you're lucky you're my friend, Shinra, otherwise I wouldn't have shared nearly this much with either of you. And just so you know, I'm not giving any more info for free, today as I'm kind of bored of this conversation now." Izaya said.

Shizuo was immensely irritated by this - _holding things back as always._

"By the way," Izaya rose an eyebrow. "I said I simply wanted something for nausea, so why are there two pills? What are they both for?"

Izaya would surely only take something for nausea.

"Um, the white pill is for pain. And the red pill is for nausea." Shinra told him.

"Then I'll only take the white pill, because I'm pretty sure you're trying to trick me." Izaya said, and did just that, taking the cups and placing the red pill down on a table beside him.

"Aha-ha-ha... I was just trying to help you, Izaya..." Shinra scratched the back of his head.

Izaya swallowed the medicine, taking a large sip of the water, and a few more, before finishing up the cup. "I don't need help."

"Right..." Shinra sighed. "well, I do _need_ to do a check up on you."

"...Check up?"

"Just your blood pressure, your ears, eyes and reflexes."

"Oh. Go right ahead then. Nobody's stopping you." Izaya rolled his eyes.

In the moment it had finally got quiet, and Shinra had hooked up the arm wrap used to check somebody's blood pressure, Izaya found himself gazing upon the bandages and IV on his right arm yet again, as Shinra used his left arm to do what he wanted.

He swallowed, not especially liking this attention he was getting. And his arm was itching. He needed to scratch it bad. He wanted to bleed. He needed to-

"So, Izaya, what'cha thinking about...?" Shinra's soft voice abruptly interrupted his thoughts, as the arm wrap got tighter. Feathers knitted at the informant's stomach, as if he'd been caught doing something terrible. He froze momentarily.

He could also very much feel Shizuo eyeing him as well.

Yet Shinra couldn't have possibly _known_ exactly _what he was thinking_ , _right?_

"...It's nothing important, so just do your job, doctor." It was a lousy and fairly rude attempt to divert the conversation away from himself, but he didn't care right now.

To be honest with himself, he did still feel a little more at ease with Shinra there, as apposed to it just being Shizuo, if only Shinra weren't watching him.

"You know, Izaya... If you keep hiding your pain like that, it'll just keep building up. You should talk out your feelings, instead of relying on red." Shinra told him in a soft voice.

"I don't need to _talk_ to somebody. I don't _'need'_ to talk about my feelings period. And alas, you sound like a puppet, Shinra. It's not like you care anyway, right? So tell me, are you saying it just to impress Celty, to prove to her what a great person you are still?" Izaya suddenly accused, irritation present in his eyes.

"Nope, I'm doing it because I'm your friend." the doctor answered simply.

Immediately, Izaya snapped at hearing this.

" _Friend?"_ he suddenly laughed pathetically, smirking and ignoring the pain in his body. " _You keep saying that to me, Shinra,_ but aren't you the same _'friend'_ that told me to go die chest-first into an ice-shaver when I just been stabbed? For you information, I thought I was going to _die_ that night."

Shinra flinched when he said this, also recieving a look from Shizuo.

"I don't need friends at all. Because _'Friends'_?" Izaya then turned to glare at Shinra with more desperation, pain and malice than Shinra or Shizuo had ever expected to see from him. Yet, he was smiling.

Before either of them could react or stop him, he ripped the IV, that was taped to his arm, out in a manner that ripped both his skin, and the tape off of his skin. Blood immediately gushed from the new wound, running down his arm.

"Stop that, Izaya...!" Shinra exclaimed in a sudden unfitting concern, startled as he reached out to grab Izaya hand that was holding the needle. Shizuo wasn't too far behind in responding himself and got up, holding down and securing both of Izaya's arms as not to let him do anymore damage to himself.

"This pain is the _only_ _'friend'_ I _want_ and can _trust_ to always be there when I need it; it is my only true _ally_ , _Shinra_ , _Shizu-chan_." Izaya looked at them both, glaring at them even more as they restrained him. He didn't really seem to be fully grasping the severity of the situation, nor even the situation itself.

His smile started to waver, however, making his crazed hyseria and paranoia obvious.

"Say...do you know what the best thing about this kind of pain is?" he suddently asked, when he felt arms around his neck, ignoring their attempts to "calm him down". It was also probably some kind of drug to assist their efforts that they just stuck him with, he vaguely thought.

"It lets me feel alive!" He shouted at them. "It's the only thing I can truly control, so why are you trying to take that away from me?"

Frustrated tears whelled up in his eyes, as he pleaded for an answer, gazing at them. "Huh? I don't get it... It's unfair. It's goddamned irritating. All of it. Both of you piss me off, so jusy stop it already... Why don't you just stop already...? I can't take it... when people are do things to me without a logical reason... You have no reason to be nice to me at all..."

Auburn eyes pleaded, as he soon began to relax due to the medicine.

"Try to calm down, Izaya..." Shinra soothed, now starting to bandaged his arm his arm back up.

"You may be experiencing a bad emotional reaction to coming off of the anesthisia or something. Although rapid, even if situational, mood swings are also fairly common amongst cutters and anortetics. I didn't mean to trigger you, Izaya, I promise that. I was just saying that, as a friend," he ignored Izaya's glare to the word. "I wanted to hear how you were feeling psychologically, and because I do care, you know."

"I could have been fooled. And anyway, as long as I have my humans and my switchblade or something sharp, I'm abso _lutely_ fine. I don't need your people's _patronage_." Izaya hissed, answering his question, and replying to it.

"Why aren't you fine otherwise, then?" Shinra asked.

"Because I don't have my have my humans or something sharp. After all, if I'm not loving humanity, then who the hell am I, hm?" Izaya said, being completely vague on himself as always.

"That doesn't answer his question, flea..." Shizuo muttered, recieving a drowsy glare from Izaya, who was about to say something else, surely to continue his 'pointless' arguement.

"It's okay, Shizuo-kun," Shinra suddenly said, catching both of their attention, before turning to smile gently at Izaya. "becuase it's simply an answer I guess we need to work on together then, ne Izaya?"

"I _'need'_ you to leave me alone right now, Shinra..." Izaya was obviously finally relaxing, but suddenly hissing in pain when he tried to turn over.

In that instant, Celty came into the room with a message typed on her PDA asking what the _hell_ was going on.

"Ah, C-Celty," Shinra stuttered, feeling bad for waking her up and causing her to worry. He decided to sherk the truth a little bit, even though he assumed Celty may have heard. "Orihara-kun was messing with his IV and it caused some problems is all. But don't worry, he's fine now."

Celty seemed suspicious, but decided that she shouldn't question it too much. _[Are you sure...? Is there anything I can do to help.]_

"Yeah, I'm sure, but actually,... There _is_ something I'd appreciate it if you could do... It'd be a big help." Shinra scratched one of his cheeks a bit awkwardly, glancing briefly back over at Izaya.

Celty tilted her head a bit.

Shinra seemed to know what she was thinking. "Can you make some soup for him?"

 _~ End of Chapter._

...

 _ **A/N: What are your thoughts? Please review? I'll try to update when I can!**_


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